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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No idea how to handle this!

52 replies

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/10/2019 23:09

I was chatting to my mum earlier about other family stuff and she told me I was actually born a day earlier than I've always thought. Basically, I was born on 31 August just before midnight (as in 11.59pm) but she didn't want me to be the baby at school so my dad paid the midwife to lie about my time of birth. I've always celebrated my birthday on 1st September, that's my official birthday but I'm so annoyed and don't want to talk to my parents right now. My siblings think it's hilarious so I'm doubting myself

Aibu to ignore them all for now?

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 08/10/2019 23:11

It's only 1 minute. I don't think it changes anything about you.

You also gained a year of childhood (starting school and therefore going to university and graduating a year later than you would if you were 31st Aug). Statistically, they did you a favour.

Kellogscocopops · 08/10/2019 23:12

My sister was born at home on christmas day but the midwife suggests they put the 26th so she would have a proper birthday.

Is your mum a teacher? She gave you a great educational advantage in life, being a September born girl.

peachgreen · 08/10/2019 23:13

To be honest I think that's genius and they've done you a favour!

sue51 · 08/10/2019 23:13

Your mum was very wise.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/10/2019 23:14

He paid a midwife? Really?

DingDongDenny · 08/10/2019 23:14

You should thank her - she did the right thing

Original poster
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/10/2019 23:17

Yes #Annelovesgilbert#, this was 40 years ago. Not sure why that's so hard to believe

Ok I guess I'm being unreasonable. I'm just a bit thrown by the fact that my birthday and therefore all my official documents aren't real

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 08/10/2019 23:18

Blimey, how much did he pay her? Was it in cash that he happened to have on him at the time? Do you think she may be ‘misremembering’?

PoorlySonToday · 08/10/2019 23:21

It's 1 minute!!!

I too was born at 11:59! Story is that I was actually born at midnight and my mum was given the choice of which date to put down.

Given that 12:01 would have had me born on Friday 13th, I fully suspect the story is a little inaccurate and that I was actually born at a couple of minutes past midnight on 13th, but my mum asked for time to be recorded as 11:59 on 12th.

I couldn't care less really what the exact truth is! It matters not a bit to my life! What's a few minutes! I have no idea of the exact time my boys were born! Middle of the night for one, and lunch time for the other!

Once you get past about 18, birthdays are hardly the be all and end all anyway! I e nearly forgotten mine a few times! What's a day!

Zetty22 · 08/10/2019 23:24

I don’t think your parents meant any actual harm, they were trying to help you.

GaaaaarlicBread · 08/10/2019 23:24

I wouldn’t worry . My friends mum did the same with her twins . They were born in Christmas Day but changed it to the 26th so they could have a proper birthday . That was 25 years ago, didn’t even have to pay the midwife lol

EmmiJay · 08/10/2019 23:25

I say look on the bright side; you could technically have two birthdays if you wanted. Double the cake and prosecco 🥂

NoSquirrels · 08/10/2019 23:25

Everything is “real” - it’s 1 minute, which bought you a big advantage bring a September baby not an August one.

It is funny - treat it as such.

There’s absolutely nothing you have lost from the documents being different, so work out why you’re so cross.

Original poster
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/10/2019 23:25

poorlysontoday I was in the wrong year at school for 12 years. I think that's what's upsetting me the most. I was bullied at school and can't help but wonder if things would have been different if I was in the right year group

OP posts:
PoorlySonToday · 08/10/2019 23:28

sparepants - oh that's horrible. Have you discussed that with your mum? Did she know you were bullied? Did you ever ask to move schools/classes?

You poor thing :(

katewhinesalot · 08/10/2019 23:30

It might have. It might not have. Your parents did what they did with the best of intentions. No point dwelling on what might have been.

You would have been even more vulnerable as the baby of the year. It might even have been worse.

JeffreyJefferson · 08/10/2019 23:30

Your mum did a good thing. It was only a few minutes and you would have been at a disadvantage being the youngest in the year group. You probably would have hated it. Last of your friends to drive, to be legal etc etc

BudgieHammockBananaSmuggler · 08/10/2019 23:30

You were the oldest in your year group rather than the youngest the way your mum sorted it. You may have been even more subject to bullying as a more obviously vulnerable younger child. As PPs have said there is evidence for multiple benefit for being older child in the class.

Sorry you were bullied, but it’s clouding your perspective and it’s not fair to blame your parents for this, at least from the birthdate perspective Flowers.

Original poster
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/10/2019 23:31

poorlysontoday no I haven't talked about it with my parents. My siblings were there when it was mentioned and they were all laughing about it so I doubted myself

OP posts:
JeffreyJefferson · 08/10/2019 23:31

sorry OP didn’t read your recent post. I’m so sorry that happened. Of course that changes exactly how you feel Flowers

Original poster
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/10/2019 23:34

Ok I accept I'm being unreasonable. I guess I'm just wondering how different my life would have been if I was in the right year group and to realise I've spent the last 40 years celebrating the wrong birthday is a bit of a weird one

OP posts:
AudTheDeepMinded · 08/10/2019 23:35

Doesn't help you but I was offered two dates for an elective caesarean, 31st Aug or early September (can't remember exact date). I chose August so that my son would start school earlier rather than later as his older brother had been such a terror as a toddler and I couldn't face the thought of an extra year of the new baby at home if he was going to be the same! (I did always plan to hold him back a year though if he appeared not ready to start school). I think pondering on 'what ifs' is probably not helpful, you'll never know. You Mum was doing the best she could to look out for you at the time, remember that, there was no malice.

FilthyBiscuit · 08/10/2019 23:36

You don't know how things would have panned out had your birth been recorded differently, but I do understand. I was premature so at the end of the school year and have been babied by my family my whole life. I think if I had been born on time I would at least have had the balance of being older at school. But I'll never know that and neither with you. Your mum was trying to do the best for you, she didn't know you would be bullied and it's unfair to blame her for that. I hope you find peace within yourself and your family.

Chloemol · 08/10/2019 23:45

For goodness sake it’s one minute. You may still have been bullied you don’t know. Stop thinking about what may have been and move on

CaptainNelson · 08/10/2019 23:47

I get you're feeling a bit weird, OP, and I'm sorry you were bullied. But I was bullied too when I was much the youngest in my year at primary, at a time when everything was done in order of age and the kids picked teams (I was 6, everyone else was 8 so guess who never got picked for any team ever). So who knows how things would've been? You can't change the past.
Fwiw, my father in law has 5 different possible dates of birth and has never known which is the right one (he's not from UK btw). It could be worse!

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