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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No idea how to handle this!

52 replies

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/10/2019 23:09

I was chatting to my mum earlier about other family stuff and she told me I was actually born a day earlier than I've always thought. Basically, I was born on 31 August just before midnight (as in 11.59pm) but she didn't want me to be the baby at school so my dad paid the midwife to lie about my time of birth. I've always celebrated my birthday on 1st September, that's my official birthday but I'm so annoyed and don't want to talk to my parents right now. My siblings think it's hilarious so I'm doubting myself

Aibu to ignore them all for now?

OP posts:

beanaseireann · 08/10/2019 23:47

If that's your only worry, lucky you.

taytosandwich · 08/10/2019 23:49

@sparepantsandtoothbrush Wow!! You have parents who would do anything for you. Lucky old thing.

palahvah · 08/10/2019 23:50

Unless the clock in the delivery room was synchronised with Greenwich who know what the 'right' or 'wrong' date is.
What you can be sure about is that you can't go back and change the last 40 years, and you can't know that things would have been different if you'd been in a different school year.
I'm sorry you were bullied. There is no joy to be had in wondering what if, because you can't change that, and by mulling on it you're stealing happiness from your current and future self.

Walnutwhipster · 08/10/2019 23:51

As the mum of a late August baby I would say your mum did you a favour.

UnoriginalUserName948 · 08/10/2019 23:56

ell if you had been in a different school year, your whole life could be different. You would have had different friends, different experiences. Different exams, leading to different opportunities.
I really would give no further thought to it. It literally doesn't matter.

UnoriginalUserName948 · 08/10/2019 23:58

Just read your update, so sorry if my post sounds harsh. I am sorry you were bullied. But I don't think you should drive yourself crazy over the what-ifs.

Goingonagondola · 08/10/2019 23:59

I'd have done the same if I was your mum. 100%.

bex611 · 09/10/2019 00:00

My son was born at 11.59-12.01. We got to choose the day.. Then the midwife just wrote it down. No money exchange. Are they just kidding with you???

Original poster

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 09/10/2019 00:00

Wow some of you are vile. This has properly messed with my head and made me question a lot of my life. Thanks to those who understand. I have realised I'm probably being unreasonable. It's just a bit weird

#taytosandwich# you have no idea about anything my parents did beyond this so don't assume they would do anything for me and that I'm lucky

OP posts:

Littlemeadow123 · 09/10/2019 00:04

Really sorry you were bullied. But in my experience, its no good agonising over the what ifs and maybes. Maybe you wouldnt have been bullied if you were put in the right year group. Alternatively, maybe you would have been bullied worse.

bex611 · 09/10/2019 00:05

OK, so just read the bullying bit. That sucks. I was bullied too at school, it's horrible.

LemonPrism · 09/10/2019 00:06

There are bullies in every year but if you were put in a year earlier you may have just struggled more with the work

MuseumOfYou · 09/10/2019 00:12

I think it's quite common. My DF has his real birthday and also the one on his birthday certificate- about 8 weeks apart. His parents didn't get round to registering him in time so he was backdated!

And speaking as someone whose birthday in the beginning of sept, until I was about 11 I was the baby in the year above. Something about the 11 plus made me repeat the year so I went into right year and became the eldest. It was loads better!

I can understand your upset OP, it's odd when something you thought was unchangeable turns out to have been different all along. The grounds shifted a bit, but you'll get your balance back.

HoldMyLobster · 09/10/2019 00:13

The time of birth thing is weird. I was born in Italy, not long after midnight, and I now live in the US. I'm never quite sure what day or time to start celebrating my birthday. If I'm on a plane flying through time zones it's even more confusing.

historylover · 09/10/2019 00:19

YANBU OP I think if I was you I'd be very annoyed with my parents.

I don't really get other posters talking about how they've done you a favour about school, I was one of the youngest the whole way through school and it certainly didn't make me more vulnerable or put me at a disadvantage. Only shit part was when everyone else is already 18 and your still underage.

But then again you can't really dwell on it now as it's long in the past.

VanGoghsDog · 09/10/2019 00:24

Your 18th birthday would have been on the day Princess Diana died, so be grateful for that!

NearLifeExperience · 09/10/2019 00:30

I was about to pop with my third at around midnight.
The midwife jokingly said to me I could choose whether to have the 18th or 19th as the date if I tried.
Baby was born, 3 midwives were in the room and after a few minutes (it was now 00.05) one said “Did anyone notice the exact time of birth?” No one had. We decided it was 23.59, because the 18th sounds nicer than the 19th for a birthday!

OP I think you did well out of this. Let it go.

NearLifeExperience · 09/10/2019 00:31

Apologies, OP, didn’t RTFT before posting.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 09/10/2019 00:35

It's lovely that your parents did what they thought was best at the time but I don't think people are really stopping to think what a birthday really means. For many of us it's tied up with our own personal identity. While I agree it's no big deal really for practical purposes, I completely understand why you'd feel unsettled and a bit shocked. Your birthday is part of you, and to find out that your special day isn't actually your special day at all absolutely takes some getting used to.

I agree with previous posters that there's no point wondering what might have been, but that single decision could have affected your life in quite big ways, so it's only natural to ruminate, even if it is unhelpful.

Give yourself a bit of time and know that it's OK to feel weirded out by this. You've had an emotional response to something, even if it makes no practical difference, and that's totally understandable.

namechange4052 · 09/10/2019 00:37

I get it, OP. It's like the butterfly effect. It might only have been one minute, but that decision changed the course of your life - the class you were in, the friends you made, which all must have shaped the person you are today. It's crazy to think that your life might be very different (good or bad), had they made a different decision.

justheretostalk · 09/10/2019 00:38

Do some of you get off on making people feel like shit? Some nasty replies.

OP, however you feel about it is ok. You are allowed to be confused, that is normal. Your feelings aren’t unreasonable, they’re your feelings!

It’s a bit butterfly effect-ish really. You could have had an entirely different life had you been in the correct school year. It’s ok to wonder about that.

Lunde · 09/10/2019 00:43

I was also born at midnight - no-one was certain to the exact second as it was a very rapid homebirth and I ended up being born on a newspaper as the community midwife did not arrive until I was on the way out. My mother was allowed to choose my birthday. I may well have been born on a different day but noone will ever know

Obviously this revelation is bringing up uncomfortable memories of school - but nobody could have foreseen your later problems when the decision was made. Being the eldest in the year was thought to be beneficial for schooling as autumn borns got 2 extra terms in reception but sadly this did not work out for you

AthollPlace · 09/10/2019 00:54

Your parents did what they thought was best. Generally it’s better to be the oldest in your school year rather than the youngest. Really if you’re born near midnight nobody can say when your birthday is anyway, because the clock could be a couple of minutes wrong. You’re only speculating that your school life might have been better if you were in a different year because you were unhappy and bullied. If you’d been happy and had great friends I doubt you’d be so concerned. There are lots of defining choices that could completely change your life - a different birthday, a different school, turning left instead of right and avoiding an accident - you can’t blame everything on this one decision.

Loveyou3000 · 09/10/2019 01:01

Oh OP, you can't change the past. I spend more time than I'd care to admit wishing and thinking about going back in time and changing so many things I did as a teenager to avoid a lot of heartache and problems at school, so I totally understand how this is affecting you mentally re:bullying at school. It's hard to let go, I'm finding it almost impossible and I'm looking into counselling to help me let go of things I no longer have control over and will never be able to change, if its upsetting you that much perhaps that's an idea for you too? In terms of having the 'wrong' birthday, do midwives ever have the exact time to the second? IIRC, my midwife looked at the clock a few minutes after DD was born and took a few minutes off randomly and called that as her time of birth, and it's rare that a clock is ever dead on time, you may well have been actually born past midnight on the 1st. Be angry all you like for now, it's not as silly as some PP are making it out to be I totally get it, but at some point you need to accept it and move on

kateandme · 09/10/2019 01:13

your not BU it would feel weird.dont worry about feeling what you feel.it might not be rational but feelings often arent.
but you will get over it if you let yourself.
feel what you feel for a little while but then see nothing is going to change the past.and move onwards.
your mum and dad did it for you not against you didnt they.i think that shows how much your loved.
and sibling laugh at this type of thing.
do you think you could talk to your parents about this.

regardning the bullying.i think deep down you know this wont have made a difference.but with this type of stuff we would always love to find a reason for such cruel misery. but bullies are shitheads.they pick a target and they find whatever they want/can to belittle them.it could be ANYTHING.
so the bullying wasnt on your mum and dad.it was on the shits that did it.keep that focussed on them.it wasnt you,nor you parents,it was the bullies that were the reason.they are to blame.
give yourself a bit of sitting with this.its a bit of a wobble.but then just let it go.it wont help you ruminate on this and would it could mean.
your you! go be you.

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