To have called in to work when child

[CheeseAndBeans]

Mum of two, youngest is 3 and goes to nursery 3 days a week. I have recently returned to work part time on her nursery days after a few years out so am doubting myself and unsure of what's right....

DD was sick all through the night Saturday night, as per 48 hour rule she couldn't go to nursery yesterday and couldn't get anyone else to have her. She still wasn't right in herself. Called work 1.5 hours before shift was due to start and explained I couldn't come in as had to look after sick child. They were not happy and tried to guilt me into coming in, apologized as nothing I could do but would be in tomorrow as she is on the mend. This morning, she seems ok and no more sick so we all get ready to go, as we walk out the door she throws up! Obviously can't send her again today so had to call work. Again, they made it clear they weren't happy, it's busy today and short staffed as it is. Apologized and explained I couldn't do anything else.

I work in a minimum wage job, 4 hours a day, it's a pain when someone can't come in as others have to pick up the slack and I feel terrible but what can I do?
OH works 12 hour shifts and is much better paid. We would be so much worse off if he didn't go in, my thoughts are we have to put our family income first and so it's me that should take the time off. Neither of us would get paid for the time we didn't work. A friend this morning mentioned she would have shared the days with her OH but they are both in similar paid jobs.

What would you have done? What do others do if their kids are sick? As I said, am new to being a working parent!

You don't need to play the martyr

Not doing that at all. The fact that OH worked rather than me was putting them first, as means we would be better off financially. I get that some think IWBU. That's fine, I take it on board and get it.

DDs will always come first.

They need to come first to your DH as well. He needs to start taking on some of this responsibility or you're going to be forever sacrificing your earning power for your children when he's not sacrificing a thing.

Where possible, it is worth spreading the burden across two employers.

When I worked p/t, I did the days I was off anyway. If DH was in the office, he'd work from home, but I'd have to do it if it was involving external arrangements off site. My employer was happier that it wasn't automatically me by default every time. Fortunately we were both paid either way, but that is discretionery.

Obviously it is harder if the salary per off day is being sacrificed, so financially it is a smaller hit if the (usually female) lower earner takes the sick day. If it is not essential salary, it is worth sharing multiple days off to play the long game.

What you don't want is to lose a job and have to find new work with a track record of being "unreliable".

OP.

DH never shared leave from work for sick children because we decided that me losing 5 hours pay at minimum wage was better than him losing 12 hours at triple what I was on.
I don't think you are BU your child was ill you gave as much notice as you can. Yes it's a pain in the arse for your manager but that's what they get paid to do to manage the daily running of the business.

Don't beat yourself up and don't worry about the opinion of strangers... including mine

Pennys She only gave 90 mins notice as it didn’t occur to her to give notice as soon as she realised she wouldn’t be in. If the op is prepared to be the one who doesn’t work when the kids are ill then she needs to make it as least disruptive as possible for her employer (until she loses any goodwill she has with them).

They need to come first to your DH as well. He needs to start taking on some of this responsibility or you're going to be forever sacrificing your earning power for your children when he's not sacrificing a thing.

He does take responsibility for his children. Very much so! We chose as a couple for me to take a step back from work, I am 100% happy to do that. I except I may be unreasonable for taking the time off, or not letting them know sooner. And I am now prepared that I may lose the job.

We don't all want big careers! I know we are all supposed to, but that's just the way I feel at the moment.

PennysPocket thank you

DDs will always come first.

that doesn't mean though that you should jeapardise your job. You don't know what is around a corner. Losing your job now and maybe being out if the workplace for a while could end up costing a lot more than DH's wage for his 12h shift.

You are thinking very short sighted!

Pennys She only gave 90 mins notice as it didn’t occur to her to give notice as soon as she realised she wouldn’t be in.

Where I work you cannot call in till 9am as you have to speak to the manager maybe its the same for the OP that calling in 1. 5 hours before the shift started was the only option.

Pennys I think you have missed her post when she said she didn’t think to call in on the Sunday.

I still don't think she is UR.

She called in 1.5 hours before her shift not 5 minutes.
OP is prepared to lose her job but given she has been reliable and not taken 1 sick day in 6 months it would be very unfair however some employers treat parents (mostly mothers) like crap anyway.

If you only work 4 hours could dh not just stay off for half a shift then go in when you finish?

He could make the time back or use some hol?

She called in 1.5 hours before her shift not 5 minutes.

PennysPocket 1 and a hour hours before her shift is not reasonable notice and OP would have it recorded in her discipline file as a no show where I work.

She’s admitted she “didn’t think”. If she wants to keep her job - and any future ones if this one sacks her - she needs to make sure she does consider her employer.

Since she “didn’t think” about them, the business has pretty much got the message she’s not a reliable, reasonable staff member who cares about her colleagues/team and therefore is not someone they’re going to want on their team.

As a manager I certainly wouldn’t want an employee with so little regard.

@CTRL I did "read properly". "Usually" is not good enough, and being "fine" and 'still infectious' are two different things.

I don't really mind if you don't care about by opinion - you clearly don't as you're selfish enough to send your child in, and I'm not the only one to feel this way and comment. Doesn't stop me thinking that your attitude is unbelievably self-centred, though.

How do people organise childcare if they have no family and friends locally? Does anyone know this? People who have grandparents on hand to look after kids are really lucky

We have retired neighbours that could/would watch DD if we were really stuck. They’ve also picked DD up from school etc when both DH and I have been stuck in traffic etc.

We help them in other ways. I believe in “the village”.

They were more probably annoyed that you rang in 1.5 hrs before shift started & then had to ring round to try & get someone else in, this happens to my daughter at her place of work & yes she is a mum but they do require at least 6 hours notice so they can find cover. (I know emergencies can’t be helped)

Everyone saying you did the right thing. No one must own their own business. Someone phoning in sick a few hours before shift is a total piss take. How can you get cover in that short notice. I don’t think you are ready to go back to work. Others saying your child is more important we’ll of course they are but at o is a job to enable you to care for the child

I was in this situation 5 years ago. Went back to work but had to collect DD early from nursery a few times. The responsibility fell to me as my DH is a long distance truck driver. He could be 200 miles away so there was no choice but me to get her. My work were utterly shitty about the whole thing that I ended up leaving and getting a job working from home. It is really unfair being a mother sometimes!!

How do people organise childcare if they have no family and friends locally?

Um they pay for childcare.
if you mean when DC are ill, they split the care between parents, and/or they arrange to work at home and/or agree to work different hours/days.

I think 2 days off for a sick child is ok. But you need to be apologetic about the effect on your workplace and bend over backwards to accommodate - maybe covering for someone else at short notice. And next time, it needs to be DH's turn.

I just wanted to say you did the right thing. I know someone who goes into work when her kid has d&v and sticks said kid in the nursery. So all the other children get it.

Much more reasonable to take the day off and it is the employment industry at fault and creates a vicious cycle.

The bottom line is, if your child's sick, you can't go in. It's simple. You're being a good mum. The employers are out of order giving you a hard time.

We share the days off needed, only fair on the employers plus o don’t want the children to think only theirs dad’s job is important. I expect DH to share the parenting.

I always kept at least one week annual leave unplanned to cover that. We get 2 days emergency leave paid but that's it, the rest is unpaid (unless extraordinary circumstances) or annual leave.

Check holiday clubs and childminder for holidays/half-term. If your younger one's nursery is closed during school holidays it may be worth looking into nurseries which are open all year round or check for childminder who do holiday cover.

I think regardless of how better your OH is paid, sick leave should always be shared.

Yes, a child can't be left alone when sick but you also have to show your work that you take the job seriously as well.

The bottom line is, if your child's sick, you can't go in. It's simple. You're being a good mum. The employers are out of order giving you a hard time.

Tiresiasmum No, her employers are not out of order. She gave them insufficient notice that she wouldn’t be going in when she knew well in advance she couldn’t.

Having to look after your child and being a good mum does not stop you from being a considerate and responsible employee. She is able to do both and if she wants to keep her job she needs to.