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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have called in to work when child

256 replies

CheeseAndBeans · 08/10/2019 10:56

Mum of two, youngest is 3 and goes to nursery 3 days a week. I have recently returned to work part time on her nursery days after a few years out so am doubting myself and unsure of what's right....

DD was sick all through the night Saturday night, as per 48 hour rule she couldn't go to nursery yesterday and couldn't get anyone else to have her. She still wasn't right in herself. Called work 1.5 hours before shift was due to start and explained I couldn't come in as had to look after sick child. They were not happy and tried to guilt me into coming in, apologized as nothing I could do but would be in tomorrow as she is on the mend. This morning, she seems ok and no more sick so we all get ready to go, as we walk out the door she throws up! Obviously can't send her again today so had to call work. Again, they made it clear they weren't happy, it's busy today and short staffed as it is. Apologized and explained I couldn't do anything else.

I work in a minimum wage job, 4 hours a day, it's a pain when someone can't come in as others have to pick up the slack and I feel terrible but what can I do?
OH works 12 hour shifts and is much better paid. We would be so much worse off if he didn't go in, my thoughts are we have to put our family income first and so it's me that should take the time off. Neither of us would get paid for the time we didn't work. A friend this morning mentioned she would have shared the days with her OH but they are both in similar paid jobs.

What would you have done? What do others do if their kids are sick? As I said, am new to being a working parent!

OP posts:
Lockshunkugel · 08/10/2019 11:47

Op, you had no other choice. If your child is too ill to go to nursery and you can’t pay your bills without your partner’s wages, you couldn’t go to work. If your boss or work colleagues are difficult about you missing work, ask them if they will volunteer to look after your vomiting child if it happens again!

UnoriginalUserName948 · 08/10/2019 11:50

Whatstodo2019, where I work time off for a sick child is counted as family leave, not sick leave. You get up to (I think) 5 family days a year paid and so many unpaid too. But I know I am very lucky and not all companies will offer that kind of benefit.

adaline · 08/10/2019 11:50

I guess that's just the choice we make for our family... be it right or wrong.

At the end of the day it's your choice. But just think about the long-term impact of that choice. Will you still be happy to be doing all the sick days/INSET days/sports days in five or ten years time? What if you have another child, will you be the one responsible for both lots of sick days while your OH just carries on as before?

Why should he be able to progress in his career with no disruptions while you're constantly having to stay off work to deal with vomiting toddlers?

UnoriginalUserName948 · 08/10/2019 11:51

To answer the OP, there is nothing you could do. You couldn't leave her alone, and someone had to stay with her.
It's unfortunate but it happens. Some workplaces are better than others at recognising that, though.

VioletR · 08/10/2019 11:51

Try not to worry about it! Kids come first. Xx

UnoriginalUserName948 · 08/10/2019 11:52

You can't really count INSET and sports days in that. You usually know they are coming in advance and can plan to take Annual leave/whatever your company offers to cover them. Last minute sickness is a different kettle of fish.

RainOrSun · 08/10/2019 11:55

Ideally it needs to be shared - but if you are PT, and he is on shifts, how often does it actually happen both of you are at work?

DO NOT lie about being ill yourself. I know someone who had a disciplinary meeting about phoning in sick when it was her child who was sick. I dont know the outcome, but I do know she left the company very soon after that meeting.

I hope your daughter is feeling better soon.

Seeline · 08/10/2019 11:55

Why did you only give them 1.5 hours notice the first time? You knew your DC wouldn't be at nursery when she first threw up due to 48 hour rule.

Can't do much about them being sick as you leave the house though...

adaline · 08/10/2019 11:58

You can't really count INSET and sports days in that. You usually know they are coming in advance and can plan to take Annual leave/whatever your company offers to cover them.

But how many of those days are still covered by women? And what about last-minute things like snow days, for example? Or if the school is shut because the heating breaks? Or the school is used as a polling station?

My point is, children are disruptive and it's not fair that the woman is the one takes the brunt of it all. The disruption/impact of sick days, days off, assemblies etc. should be split between both parties.

BigChocFrenzy · 08/10/2019 11:58

You are entitled to an emergency day to arrange childcare,
but only entitled to time off to do childcare if it is in your contract

So, you may be let go - be prepared for this wrt your current budgeting, discretionary spends etc

If you've been employed for under 2 years, they don't need a reason to end your contract - how long have you been there ?

KnifeAngel · 08/10/2019 11:59

You should definitely share with your OH. It's not fair on your work colleagues to keep taking time off.

Original poster
CheeseAndBeans · 08/10/2019 11:59

adaline We have 2 DDs. One in school. Inset days/sports days/school plays are not an issue. OH and myself simply book annual leave if it falls on a work day.
The issue is unexpected emergencies. I am 100% happy to do these if it makes financial sense. We are a team.

As I said, this job isn't long term. Once the kids are older I will concentrate on my career, and hopefully go back to similar job as I had pre kids. We made the decision together for me to be a sahp for a while, and I was very happy to do so. This job just gives us a bit extra and means I am not sat on my bum while both DDs are at nursery/school. I am not concerned about their being a divide or OH taking less of the parenting slack.

OP posts:
purpleolive · 08/10/2019 12:01

YABU. It doesn't matter who is the higher earner, that isn't your manager's fault, you should split it with your DH. You did yesterday, he should do today. It's situations like this why women aren't treated equally at work, don't expect equality when you aren't acting equal yourself.

Original poster
CheeseAndBeans · 08/10/2019 12:04

Been there 6 months. Never taken time off before for myself, or kids. Always been very reliable.

Fully except what some of you are saying. I guess I have to be prepared that I may lose the job, which is a shame.

OP posts:
adaline · 08/10/2019 12:05

@CheeseAndBeans like I said, it's your choice.

But what will happen when you both work full-time and one of them is off sick? Will he be prepared to step up then? Or will it be down to you because that's the way it's always been?

toomuchtooold · 08/10/2019 12:06

It's a shit situation. Nurseries can insist that kids are off for 48h, workplaces don't want to know, what are you going to do? In principle sure your DH should also be stepping up but if his job is also not happy about him taking time off then I can see why you might choose to endanger one job rather than both, particularly if your DH earns more money. Yes, this is how inequality between men and women gets entrenched - but it is what it is, and I think that heaping the responsibility of a lassie on minimum wage to be the shining example of how women can Do It All is bloody daft.

UnoriginalUserName948 · 08/10/2019 12:07

It does depend on the jobs, though. If one parent is, say, a GP, s/he can't just not go in last minute without causing chaos. So it very situational dependent who covers things like this. (of course, if both parents are GPs then they are in a real mess when things like this happen!)

UnoriginalUserName948 · 08/10/2019 12:08

My point is, children are disruptive and it's not fair that the woman is the one takes the brunt of it all. The disruption/impact of sick days, days off, assemblies etc. should be split between both parties.
Days off and assemblies can be planned for though, is my point. Swapping shifts, annual leave etc. Sickness and last minute things, I agree, should be shared if possible.

Oflawrence · 08/10/2019 12:09

Just say you are sick next time.

Molly2017 · 08/10/2019 12:10

If they are short staffed could you offer to do a few extra shifts and put her into nursery for an extra couple of sessions (when she is well)?
I know you shouldn’t have to do this, I’m just wondering if it will show your employer you are willing and smooth over any tension?

megletthesecond · 08/10/2019 12:12

I take unpaid dependents leave when mine are sick, which isn't often thank goodness. But I've been with my employer for a few years so it's less risky. When they were little and I was a new employee my mum would usually cover it.

adaline · 08/10/2019 12:13

Just say you are sick next time.

Don't do this. It's fraud and you could get yourself sacked if you're found out!

Passthecherrycoke · 08/10/2019 12:14

Its not fraud. Talk about flinging words around

Us working mothers need to do everything we can to protect ourselves in the workplace. It’s hard enough and we are disadvantaged. I won’t feel any guilt. No one will find out

Coconutbug · 08/10/2019 12:15

Do you or OH have dependancy leave? Both husband and I get 5 days leave so we take it in turns most of the time. if she's poorly and has to come home in the middle of the day it's usually me as I have the car and it could take OH over an hour to reach her on public transport plus a further journey home.
They shouldn't make you feel bad there's nothing you can do about a sick child!!

Ginseng1 · 08/10/2019 12:17

You did the right thing. Maybe just say you sick the next time. As u say this is a stop gap job til kids older & u can get back on career type job so you don't want to risk your OH salary n job Fair play for getting something with nursery hours so u making a few quid. You've been there 6 mth hopefully you've shown you a great worker & reliable in every other sense & a decent employer will recognise that.

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