MIL and new baby

[CharlieSon]

I cannot bear my MIL, she is nothing short of an interfering good for nothing. Just has a baby a week ago and she is constantly wanting to bring her friends and family over to visit. Her and FIL have a nasty habit of turning up at my house unannounced baby or not anyway so I did expect this. I have no desire to see her friends or relatives and my parents certainly wouldn’t be imposing themselves on us. She also keeps asking us to show people the baby’s room upstairs (they paid for the furniture which I reluctantly accepted as I knew there would be a catch). My DH isn’t telling her where to go. AIBU and should relax more or am I right to tell her to leave us alone?

We circumvented all these 'visitor' issues by having a little party for everyone who wanted to see the baby. MIL brought the food and it was a 'come anytime between 3-5pm' on XYZ date. However, I had the luxury of staying at my parents for 6 weeks post-baby so had no inlaw drama (too far for them to travel!) till after that point. This meant that whoever In-laws wanted to invite could come and there were enough people for them to entertain each other. When space got tight, people left! And then mil and fil were free to come over when they liked but not without phoning first as baby was sleeping/feeding etc so it would be pointless. Maybe suggest to her that if she phoned ahead you could let her know the best time you'd be home/baby awake etc. Or, if she seems to come around the same time/days, just be out and wait for her to ring and ask where you are to turn around and say she should have called first! Good luck!

Pick up the baby, say I’ve got to feed. Tell your DH his mum is downstairs and sit in your bedroom till they go.
They’ll sit there like chumps until your DH is probably dragged down by his mum.
Just repeat every time she does it.

My colleague is from a southern US state, when I was pregnant she said to me are you having a sip and see? I had no idea what this was but essentially you pull the plaster off in one hit. You have an open house for a few hours one weekend afternoon when baby is still small, cups of tea, sandwiches, a cake (Costco and MIL catered ours) you shower put actual clothes on, everyone traipses round and it's done in a couple of hours. We didn't call ours a sip and see just if anyone mentioned seeing the baby we said oh we're having people over on X date pop in any time between half one and half four we'll have cake! Lots of people wanted to see DSs nursery too which I find a bit odd but luckily it's just at the top of the stairs so I kept other doors shut and let them pop up there if they wanted.

OP, your MIL sounds like mine. Mine used to have a key to my house and let slip that she had been giving her friends tours when I was out. She also came in uninvited, and without reason, one day that I was home from work sick, when I came down stairs in my dressing gown she then accused me of having an affair because she said I was acting shifty. I was ill FFS!!

This needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP as she will only get worse, your DH needs to grow a paid and tell his mum to give you time to heal and all adjust to life with the new little one. If your DH cant face speaking to his mum (though he should) he could also not open the door and later say theyve stopped answering the door during the day as its disturbing baby.

Inviting people to someone else’s house is rude!

Nannyohh Why do yo waste your "valuable" time then if you read a post and question the OP truth?

LionelRichie I've lived forty years in the southeastern US and I've never heard of such a thing! I've heard of "Open house" but only for graduations or new home buys. Learn something new every day

Oh I could have written this when my first was a baby. MIL popped in every day, would do things like insist I finished my folding before going out for a walk, make critical comments on every little thing I did. I hated that I couldn't feel relaxed in my own home.

I eventually solved it by doing two things. Had a small meet and greet at a cafe so that a few of her closest friends could meet the baby (but not in my home). Also I started visiting her at her house so that she didn't feel the need to pop over so much. Then I could control how long I stayed for. Much easier to make an excuse for why I needed to get going than to get her to leave.

I'd really encourage you to set some boundaries ASAP as this will likely only get worse. And your husband is out of order. He needs to step up

I used to stick a note on my door "Please do not ring/knock, Mother and Newborn sleeping"
Keep your dressing gown handy and if she persists with knocking, put it on and lean out the bedroom window shouting "Go away, I'm trying to sleep Bugger off before you f'in wake the baby too "

And you have a DH problem as well as a MIL one.

I'd nip that in the bud with your DH right now!!!! That's his chief job in the early days - looking after visitors, make them s cuppa, then kick them out. Sounds like a DH issue to me. I'd be furious with him!

This. I'd be almighty peeved if he buggered off to leave me to entertain his family at the best of times, let alone with a week old baby! Absolutely no way!

My MIL was exactly like this, and it didn't stop until my partner had a word with her and just said could you message before coming over because we are tired with the baby etc.

She would turn up any time she liked, and often brought her friends over. One time she turned up and we had just got the baby to sleep and sat down to have dinner, for her to literally just walk through the door with her friend. She stayed regardless of the fact we were mid-dinner. One time I also just locked the door, heard her knock, she saw me and I just picked up my baby and went upstairs.

Honestly, I would just ask your partner to say something. I know it's mainly down to excitement, but it's really not fair that she feels everything is on her terms. It's so hard being a new mum and you are exhausted all the time.

It went on for about 8 months with me before my boyfriend told her to message first. In this time, she also started to feel it was her place to tell me how to bring up my Daughter and tell me when I was doing things "wrong". I would really nip it in the bud early before the boundaries get even more blurred.