MIL and new baby

[CharlieSon]

I cannot bear my MIL, she is nothing short of an interfering good for nothing. Just has a baby a week ago and she is constantly wanting to bring her friends and family over to visit. Her and FIL have a nasty habit of turning up at my house unannounced baby or not anyway so I did expect this. I have no desire to see her friends or relatives and my parents certainly wouldn’t be imposing themselves on us. She also keeps asking us to show people the baby’s room upstairs (they paid for the furniture which I reluctantly accepted as I knew there would be a catch). My DH isn’t telling her where to go. AIBU and should relax more or am I right to tell her to leave us alone?

• Well, she was good for her money...

And why wouldn't family want to see the baby? (When convenient)

I'd like to hear the backstory and her version because apart from over-excitement I'm not seeing the evilness yet.*

OP didn’t want to accept it, her husband pushed her into it.

When convenient.. OP had the baby a week ago and mil is bringing people over unannounced so she hasn’t asked either her son or her dil if they were up to visitors.

Nothing wrong with being excited but bringing people to another person’s home without even consulting them is beyond rude. It’s not mil’s house. MIL could easily phone them and see instead of just bringing people over.

It also says a lot that her own son runs off leaving his wife to deal with it all.

She sounds awful. She obviously loves the new baby so much she keeps visiting.. And she helped financially by paying for furniture which she enjoys looking at because she's proud and excited about the new arrival.. God what a bitch

Tell her to go home and to organise a time next time she wishes to visit.

And on other threads we see women upset because nobody comes to see their new babies...

And she helped financially by paying for furniture which she enjoys looking at because she's proud and excited about the new arrival.

And OP wrote down thread..

I didn’t accept the furniture offer it was my DH who insisted we did.

If she hadn’t, people here would be saying she would have been rude to do so and how lucky she was because their in-laws weren’t bothered with a dash of some sanctimonious “be grateful” malarkey.

How does buying a gift mean mil gets to pop by unannounced as well as bringing other people to someone’s home without their permission?

Does that mean any family member who has given someone a baby gift should be able to bring people over to their home unannounced out of excitement?

It takes less than a minute to call someone and ask if it’s all right if they popped by for a bit.

MIL is not your problem, your DH is.

It's a difficult one this.
My Dil is about to give birth to my GS I already feel pushed out. I think your Mil will do whatever it takes to make a bond with her grandchildren and you have had her grandchild so I would just set times when she can see baby. I would also tell her not to bring friends. IF SHE CARES SHE WILL UNDERSTAND.

Agree with @phoenixrosehere

A few visits the first week are fine but not continually and certainly not turning up unannounced. OP has just had a baby a week ago, she doesn't need the stress of mil bringing her friends round and to have to entertain them. The first week after my baby was born I was in pyjamas constantly and went three days without even brushing my hair as the baby was just feeding constantly, the last thing I would have wanted was what is happening to the OP.

I feel for you! Maybe take a picture of the baby's room and say you'd prefer it if they didn't traipse upstairs. But also agree that you need to tell your husband that he needs to be there when they come over to run round after them. And just tell her you don't want a visit today, make a date and let her come round then but for an amount of time you're happy with. I would tell my visitors when I'd had enough and they didn't take any offence luckily!

TheMustressMhor

Different strokes.

How many times has she visited since you had the baby?

My DH organises all the visits (plus cards/gifts) for his family. I'm not his secretary or travel organiser. If they pop around then don't answer the door, if DH wants to see them then he can answer the door and entertain them.

Does your dh not own half the house too?
Tell dh to tell them when he is free to host as you'll be going upstairs to your computer room/ bath/anything you want to do.

What an asshole wanting to be in her grandchild’s life. It’s your responsibility to set boundaries, if you don’t communicate these clearly situations like this will happen!

Your DH needs to be brought down off the computer every single time, he’s dodging her visits and is leaving you to do all the leg work. Why are you letting him get away with this?

My in laws were also excited when I had my 1st child. So excited that they wanted to “pop over” one day every weekend and one day in the week. Every week. It was too much. I had things to do. I had other people I wanted to see. My own parents, our siblings, other relatives from both sides, friends etc. I wanted to get out and meet some other people with babies and I wanted some time with no visitors just to breathe!

Having relatives and children doesn’t mean all of your time should be taken up by them.

I would suggest, that when they next leave, you say “Lovely to see you. We have some bits to be getting on with next weekend so we will see you Saturday the Xth. Until then, bye!”

Also tell DH that if he wants the visits to be so regular, he will be present for that visit. If he wants to go up on his computer, he can stand, call time on the visit and see people out. If he isn’t willing to do that. Go out!

Just don't answer the door and gently suggest that she rings before turning up. I don't understand her bringing friends and other family, I'd hate that unless I knew and was fond of them. They can see your baby in due course.

A bit of a cheek to expect people to be able to look upstairs, I imagine your mother in law has already seen your baby's room, others don't need to.

Your baby is only a week old for goodness sake, you need peace and space at the moment. A lot of people wouldn't even be dressed after a week never mind having visitors. She has probably forgotten how she felt after just giving birth. Perhaps someone else can remind her?

Definitely agree that you have a DH problem. He should be there with you, not buggering off upstairs leaving you to do the hosting after giving birth.

She’s bringing her friends around! My own mums friends haven’t even met my boys! And they’re 2

There's a huge difference between a MIL wanting to see her grandchild and visiting while being helpful and considerate to the woman who just gave birth, and a MIL who treats her new grandchild like a prop to be shown off to all and sundry with no regards for her DILs mental or emotional health while getting used to and feeding a new baby.

baby or no baby I just find it rude and very irritating when people turn up unannounced , and even worse when they bring uninvited guests .

But that's just me Its quite simple call to see if its convenient! is that just not basic good manners?

Firstly, you have to stop DH bogging off to playing on his computer when she comes round. He’s not a teenager but a new Father.
He needs to take on his fair share of the responsibility that comes with the role.

Secondly suggest to DH to take the baby to her house for a few short visits to give you some peace. Why does she need to come to yours?
Bringing her friends round for a good gawp is definitely not on and I’d refuse to give any of them access.

It’s very inconsiderate of your MIL tbh, you are a new mum, and need time to relax and be with your baby. DH really needs to speak to his mum, invite only. Good luck and congrats on yr baby.

Let your husband answer the door, and don't appear, don't entertain, be in the bathroom with taps running. Stay there. If he goes back up to his computer he'll be leaving them alone downstairs looking at each other.

Dont answer the door. And if DH does, go up to your bedroom with the baby and lock your door.