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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About Inheritance

447 replies

Sunshinelollipops1 · 05/10/2019 12:59

4 siblings A, B, C and D. 3 eldest are in their 50s. Youngest was “a happy accident” and is in 30s.

After D was born the Mum of the family developed serious illness and A who had just finished university came Home and basically brought up A and looked after Mum while the Dad worked. A has spent her entire life as Carer for Mum who died 5 years ago. A couple of years after this Dad became ill. A cared for him and he has now died.

Only real asset is House. Worth about 500k. Will says divide by 4.

B and C have good jobs (probably 50-60k per annum), houses and families. C has a huge mortgage as they have pulled out equity to fund holidays, cars etc. Both have kids in their 20s.

D is a professional and earns 150k. Married and young children.

2 bed flat in area of House will cost 350k (SE). D says A should get enough of will to buy flat and rest can be split between 3. (This means B, C and D will get about 40k each rather then 125k).

B says while he would like to do that he needs to help his kids on property ladder and that 40k won’t be sufficient (3 kids).

C says the will is clear and should be shared equally. He also adds D is only suggesting this as they will end up sole beneficiary of As will (A and D being incredibly close).

D has offered to give B and C their proportion of money so they would get 60k each. Both have said no.

A doesn’t want anyone to fall out, says the money should be shared in 4 and says it’s fine, they’ll find work and use the equity as rent (they won’t get mortgage).

D thinks B and C are being selfish. C thinks D is (and ultimately doing this to get all the money).

Who is AIBU and what should be done?

OP posts:
diddl · 05/10/2019 17:02

" become their carer, then not making provision for her to remain in her home."

Perhaps they thought that her share from the house would be enough for her to buy something?

Hesafriendfromwork · 05/10/2019 17:05

A may not eant to remain in the home.

This is the thing. A is a grown woman but some people are acting like she cant decide for herself. Including D.

She may have felt she had to care for hee mother. Or she may have though she just fancied doing it.

But she cab surely make decisions for herself now. Including not wanting a 2 bed flat. Or staying in that home.

People keep throwing suggestions out, but the OP/ D dont really talk that much about what A wants.

Just what D thinks they should have.

poorchurchmouse · 05/10/2019 17:13

Has anyone mentioned the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents Act? I don’t know the circumstances and lots of things are unclear, but A may have a claim against the estate- she should take legal advice from a solicitor who specialises in wills and probate.

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 05/10/2019 17:14

Obviously the will has to be shared according to the instructions left by the parents. Realistically B and C are going to take their share, and it isn’t really fair of D to pressurise them, irrespective of the tremendous sacrifices A has made.

If D donates her share of the will so A can buy a flat, they might want to bear in mind that B and C might challenge any will A makes that leaves everything to D- even if there’s no legal justification for a challenge, contested wills can often result in significant sums being used in the legal process, and B and C won’t care if it wipes out A’s estate.

Could D and A pool their resources to buy a flat jointly? The other consideration is that as a sole owner, A might end up being forced to sell up to pay for her own care. If A and D are joint owners, they’ll need some legal advice about how this could affect A’s future care needs.

Notajogger · 05/10/2019 17:18

A has saved the others a lot/all of that money which would otherwise have gone on care fees. Seems a bit shitty of them now to ignore that fact.

D should give their share to A but of course cannot force the others to do so. It would be nice if they all allowed you to at least stay in the house for a few years to find your feet/ get work, save for a deposit etc. The least they could do I'd say.

CiarCel · 05/10/2019 17:21

Well I feel sorry for D because I don't think it sounds like there was any intention of wangling more money for herself in the long run Confused But she should have been more mindful of the fact that she is much better off financially than B & C and so they were never going to take their 'rich' baby sister's suggestion that they give up money they feel they need well. Ultimately it's A who's in the shit, so I'm glad that D is going to help her out as much as she can in return for all that A gave up both for her and her parents. Relationship with B & C is pretty screwed now anyway after accusing D of trying to wangle more money for herself. Lesson learnt, don't prolong the torture, help A out as much as possible and don't get dragged into any more drama over this - can't imagine it's doing A any good.

AMAM8916 · 05/10/2019 17:27

Your friend is being a good sister to her older sister. Giving up her entire share then helping her get a mortgage is very dutiful.

They will remain close and have each other, whereas B & C won't have that same bond as they are quite clearly selfish.

A should leave the flat she purchases to D or D's children in her will and leave nothing for B & C. I take it A does not have children?

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 05/10/2019 17:28

Has anyone mentioned the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents Act?

I did a while back and I'm sure others may have, but the thread seems to trundle on regardless!

Tennesseewhiskey · 05/10/2019 17:32

I did a while back and I'm sure others may have, but the thread seems to trundle on regardless!

Since op doesnt really answer wether A would want to stay in the property or not, there isnt much to talk about.

Since A just wants it split 4 ways, I imagine that she doesnt want to.

MerryDeath · 05/10/2019 17:33

i don't see why D can't give to A instead of to B and C if they've got 120k to spare.

otherwise yes i agree B and C would be kind to provide for A, but if they don't want to then some other solution needs to be sought.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 05/10/2019 17:34

will says 4 ways thats it

MerryDeath · 05/10/2019 17:35

or A and D can buy a house together.

Tennesseewhiskey · 05/10/2019 17:38

@MerryDeath it's quite odd that D didnt think of any of these options. Just jumped straight to trying to get the other 2 to give up 50% plus of their money to help fund it.

Cohle · 05/10/2019 17:39

Yes, A challenging the will under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act 1975 occurred to me too.

Reminding B and C of that possibility might get them to take a more generous approach to A.

MN seem to think wills are carved in stone though.

Tistheseason17 · 05/10/2019 17:40

Do as the will says.

D can give her sahre to A which would give a very healthy enough deposit for a mortgage.

It is easier for D to ask the siblings to give up their money as she earns twice as much as them and likely has greater capacity for saving for dependants than the siblings.

D also needs to consider that their parents may have wanted their inheritance to get passed to grandchildren in the future. Just going to A does not do this.

diddl · 05/10/2019 17:40

" A challenging the will under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act 1975 occurred to me too."

Would they have a case?

ChocOrCheese · 05/10/2019 17:41

A could claim a constructive trust in her favour if she has acted contrary to her own interests (caring for parents rather than getting a well paid job) on the understanding she will inherit more/all of the estate. This sounds unlikely since A's position is that she will take her quarter share and be happy with it.

A could claim financial dependence on the parents and a bigger claim on the estate than the others. Judge may or may not agree. Again, it sounds unlikely A would want to go down this path.

Some or all of B,C and D could buy a property together in trust for A. A can live there as long as she wants/needs. On her death or move away from that house it can be sold and B,C and D are free to do what they want with their shares.

In the absence of litigation or agreement between the parties then the will stands and the estate is split four ways.

Quartz2208 · 05/10/2019 17:43

The other problem is B and C have a valid point the inheritance will help their children (who A must be fond of) and if they give it to A where will it end up?
D and her children?
Yes the other option is to allow A to stay in the house for the remainder of her life but B and C rightly might want the money for their children now.

If D wants to help A buying it together and then having A share reverting to her makes the most sense

Tennesseewhiskey · 05/10/2019 17:43

Yes, A challenging the will under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act 1975 occurred to me too.

Even if its not what A wants?

Xenia · 05/10/2019 17:44

I think a challenge to the will would fail as it is not as if no provision has been made for the carer daughter. She has inheritd her fair quarter. We don't give in order to receive. We don't help relatives because they will help us back either morally or legally.Love doesn't work like that.

Leaving everything equally to the children is always the best and fairest way.

diddl · 05/10/2019 17:45

As others have said though, she might not want to stay in the house, and depending on the cost of running it, may not be able to afford to.

silentpool · 05/10/2019 17:51

Moral of the story is, don't expect to be rewarded for your good deeds....

Newkitchen123 · 05/10/2019 17:52

Will says split four ways
I don't see why it's even a discussion.
Parents' money. Parents' decision.
Once each offspring has their share they have the choice what they do with their share

gobbynorthernbird · 05/10/2019 17:54

I'm not sure that B&C are being selfish, if the money will go to their adult children. I think that possibly D may not realise how difficult it could be for young adults (and their parents) who are on a normal income to get on the property ladder.
*I do appreciate that £50K is a decent salary, but it isn't megabucks

73Sunglasslover · 05/10/2019 17:57

not everyone and D appreciates the kindness and understanding shown by many posters

I'm not sure if you meant that to sound a bit offensive. I think people come here for opinions. It can help for people to look at things from different perspectives and consider a broader range of opinions. It is sometimes 'nice' to just agree and say 'poor you' but it is not actually kind to entrench someone in a blinkered and solid opinion. I think we are all being kind and we are all being understanding. Some people just don't agree with your views on this situation. That does not mean they don't have sympathy for A and D and indeed sometimes B and C too. Hopefully D is also grateful to the people who have the balls to share a differing opinion. Most of us are here for good intent, not to poke at people or try and make them feel bad. Hopefully there are ways to disagree without being offensive and no-one is forced to come here and ask others what they think.

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