About Inheritance

[Sunshinelollipops1]

4 siblings A, B, C and D. 3 eldest are in their 50s. Youngest was “a happy accident” and is in 30s.

After D was born the Mum of the family developed serious illness and A who had just finished university came Home and basically brought up A and looked after Mum while the Dad worked. A has spent her entire life as Carer for Mum who died 5 years ago. A couple of years after this Dad became ill. A cared for him and he has now died.

Only real asset is House. Worth about 500k. Will says divide by 4.

B and C have good jobs (probably 50-60k per annum), houses and families. C has a huge mortgage as they have pulled out equity to fund holidays, cars etc. Both have kids in their 20s.

D is a professional and earns 150k. Married and young children.

2 bed flat in area of House will cost 350k (SE). D says A should get enough of will to buy flat and rest can be split between 3. (This means B, C and D will get about 40k each rather then 125k).

B says while he would like to do that he needs to help his kids on property ladder and that 40k won’t be sufficient (3 kids).

C says the will is clear and should be shared equally. He also adds D is only suggesting this as they will end up sole beneficiary of As will (A and D being incredibly close).

D has offered to give B and C their proportion of money so they would get 60k each. Both have said no.

A doesn’t want anyone to fall out, says the money should be shared in 4 and says it’s fine, they’ll find work and use the equity as rent (they won’t get mortgage).

D thinks B and C are being selfish. C thinks D is (and ultimately doing this to get all the money).

Who is AIBU and what should be done?

No, it doesn't. Why would A do anything other than leave her estate divided between her siblings? Or pass the siblings share to their children? Unless one of them gives A their share of the inheritance now, to be passed to their own kids in due course?*

Given that D is telling A that they need a 2 bedroom flat, deciding whata fair for her and trying to tell everyone else what they must do, I can well believe D will tell A where to leave the money.

The OP has used certain phrases that I have mentions a couple if times to make C look worse. The had to back track as it doesnt match what she already said.

OP/D is also leaving out huge chunks of time and wont explain why A didnt work in the periods. Or the fact that she said B & C moved away, be A provided regular childcare for them?

Op/D seems to be quite eager to paint C in a negative light to get people to agree C should air with their money.

Why would that be? It's clear op just wants people to agree. Which always makes me think they an op must have an ulterior motive.

they do know, don't they, that had A not given up her life, the huge cost of a nursing home at £2k plus per week, would have put paid to any prospect of ANY money at all? the house would have already been sold a long time ago and zero money.

This is not true. The house would not have been needed to be sold to pay for care for the mother, as the father was living there. As father of A only needed care for 2 years then around £60k of the value of the house would need to be used to pay for that care.

A may well have wanted to care for her mother, rather than being 'forced' to as many here assume. I would be interested to know what illness the mother had that meant she needed full time care for over 30 years. Certainly D would not have needed her older sister to look after her, to the point of not being able to get a job, much after the age of 11?
I suggest A looks for employment, she could perhaps get a job in a care home which will enable her to get a small mortgage to put towards her £100k plus deposit on a small flat.

As an aside

If D earns so much money. Why didnt she use that money, to take pressure off A? Pay for carers to come in. Or people to look after the house?

I mean once they were an adult earning money? Nor as a child obviously?

Seems very odd the D is so very wealthy, appears to love A and yet didnt help A plan for a future where this would happen?

I would go by the will but D must bill B&C/the estate care fees.

When you go to the solicitors I would spend your time asking how she could bill the brothers/estate for the caring that ended up being solely her responsibility.

The brothers are shits, I don’t care what anyone else says morally they are shits!

Sorry not D but A should bill the estate/brothers

All the A, B,C, D is hard to get right

Consultant doctors are not super wealthy, they earn a good amount but it not like being an investment banker!
PLus she will have huge student fees to pay back.

D earns £150 k a year thats a very good wage.

Good old money ready to tear a family apart! There’s absolutely no doubt that when moved is involved things can get very messy.

If A cared for the parents it would be nice they got enough to buy a house (as it seems they missed the opportunity that B, C and D had)

However it’s easier for A to say this as 1) they are closer to D (and potentially they could end up inheriting it) and 2) they have a better wage than the rest so presumably wouldn’t benefit in the same way

Equally though, b and C will want to help their own children over and above their own siblings, so I can see why they aren’t too happy.

Wow it’s really hard but I think splitting it 4 ways would ultimately be the best most fair way. If D is that ok financially, they could always give A their full share (or say £100k of it.)

Also the idea that A will leave D it in their will could not happen fir various reasons. They might leave it to a partner, they might end up needed it to pay for a care home fee. I don’t think you could look at it like ‘it’s ok, A will pass it back to D. So pervasive D is just generally more empathetic to A situation.

I think it's very sad that the parents didn't change the balance of their will to acknowledge the sacrifices that A made to care for both them and D. In that scenario A should have have been given a larger share and then the question wouldn't have been left open to sibling squabbling.

That said A also at some stage has to take responsibility for their life choices (ie at some point could have said enough is enough, I'm not doing the dare any more, in which case there would have been a smaller inheritance for everyone as there would have been carer / care home fees).

If I was D, I would give A my share of the inheritance, as that's all they can legally do. Then I would try and put a ballpark value of the care that A gave parents (which means everyone's inheritance pot is bigger). Maybe this would convince C and D to maybe give a smaller share of their inheritance to A (maybe on the basis that eventually this sum with interest is passed back to C and D's children in As will).

But ultimately nothing can be done and it's unlikely given what C& D have said that they will give anything, and that's on their conscience.

D should put her money where HER mouth is and give it to A if she feels so strongly about A.
D should really not be meddling in her parent's last Will and Testament - it is not her place and none of her business.

When A started the caring, where were B&C-Uni/school?

Did they ever do anything to help/give A a break?

It's possible that the mum didn't want her sons doing personal care.

Has the mega earning D ever helped/paid for respite care/offered to pay for a carer so that A could work?

Divide it up between 4 as stated in the will. Why do anything else...wages and outgoings are irrelevant in this case.

I would be furious to think my adult children may not carry out my wishes as stated in my will.

Sorry not D but A should bill the estate/brothers

Where the legal basis for this? Can you volunteer to do something, then decide your want paying?

What if B & C then counter with living costs? A's portion rent, council tax, utilities, house insurance, food, water, etc? For 30 years.

A wouldnt be able to charge what a care home does or a professional carer does.

Then the whole pot is gone in legal fees?

Follow the will - your parents have made their wishes clear.

I suspect op is D or perhaps A. And wanted people to tell them how shitty B & C are.This whole things just smacks of D trying to wrangle a way of ending up with a larger portion, through A. Probably when Ds children are older and looking at getting on the property ladder.D could have sorted this. 150k a year, husband a teacher (so one amazing wage and one decent one) and 250k for a deposit. If D was wanted to do something nice, she could have done it herself.
All of the above

Whereas I think, none of the above. Some of you clearly have no idea of certain families' dynamics and how the "spinster" daughter might be bulldozed by her parents' expectations to stay at home and look after them with no recompense, except for "doing the right thing by the family" even in relatively recent times. I am probably 10 years older than A, and 35 years ago, my mother clearly expected me to give up my job in London (I was unmarried then) and go and live with my parents in the country to look after them when my father became seriously ill and was dying. My younger brother (also unmarried) was never considered for this role. I refused, but I was in my thirties at the time and had no intention of giving up my career at that point, but I can see how a young girl just out of university might be forced by parental expectations to do what A did. I also think many of you are impugning D with a selfish greed which is not what she's about as it doesn't take into account the family dynamics she has long been involved with - the same dynamic which expected A to shoulder the burden of care as the eldest and a female. I definitely think badly of the brothers, but obviously, the will has to be adhered to and they cannot be forced to be unselfish.

Imo the will should be followed as it's what the parents wanted. I wouldnt be happy if I left a will and it wasnt followed. That doesn't mean I dont agree that the parents should've recognised A's greater contribution. But alot of people dont see it that way. My grandmother for example is insistent on leaving her house to be split equally between her children even though half of them dont bother with her and of those that do, only one really could do with the inheritance. If I were her I would leave the majority to the one who has helped and also needs it - but I am not her. Ultimately therefore the will should be split 4 ways - but I think D is lovely to think of her sister and give up her share. That, to me, is what family really should do for one another. Bring each other up and act fairly.

If they gave up enough money to let A buy a flat they could use a covenant to return the value of As residence when she dies.

My brother has lived at home all his life (not ill, just a twat) I was under the impression that when my parents die he can't be kicked out as he was living there for so long.

Something like that? I'm just saying this as would A necessarily have to leave 'her' house?

Nobody “has” to be a spinster daughter and cater. A has no children of her own to support whereas B and C do. D is free to give away as much money as she wishes. Most of all the parents will makes the inheritance clear and that is all that matters and should be respected.

The will states the parents wishes. End of. D needs to accept the quarter share left to her and keep her nose out of the others business and what they should or shouldn't do with their quarter share.

Follow the Will
If D feels strongly, they can give their potion to A

I think D sounds like a cf. They're bringing home net more than double what B and C are earning - at a much earlier stage in their career too (and the difference is even greater when it comes to disposable income) and they think they can tell B and C to give up equal shares in their inheritance.

D can give A their share, they're not only the wealthiest but are the one who benefited most from A's choice. Yes it would be decent for B and C to also contribute something, in recognition of the fact that they've benefited by inheriting more than they would have if care had needed to be paid for out of the potential inheritance, but I think it's rather entitled of D to expect that the others give up what is a much more important sum of money to them.

(Unless B and C's partners are also high earners/ independently wealthy so the financial disparity between D and B/C isn't as great as it appears)

Parents often don’t see how unfair they can be on the one who does most for them. When my mum was ill she asked me to give up work to look after her. She said she would pay me (no way she could pay me anywhere near what I earned and she had very limited savings). I explained what she was asking was impossible as I was the breadwinner in my family (sick husband and 3 kids at school) and to put it bluntly I could give up work and when she died I would have to start again in my career. She was quite insistent and I felt so bad I said I would do it if she gave me some security and left her house (£140k) to me in her will! She said she couldn’t do that as it wouldn’t be fair on my siblings, (all well off) who didn’t help or bother about her!

Think parents have behaved very selfishly here too, expecting A to give up her life and become their carer, then not making provision for her to remain in her home. It should have been left as life rent for her, then shared between other 3 siblings’ families. However, the will states share 4 ways so unfortunately nothing A can do.

This thread shows just how mercenary people are. It is easy to use the excuse of just following the will to avoid having to be thoughtful and caring, and enable people to get their hands on the maximum amount of money possible.