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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dd1 should now have smaller room

53 replies

Reythemamajedi · 04/10/2019 22:24

Moving house, currently dd1 is bigger bedroom, has been for last 5 years, dd2 is tiny room.
New house dd2 has her eye on bigger room and dd1 is unhappy. AIBU to say, no, you had 5 years of space, it's still your own room, stop moaning (or you know, kinder words to that effect).

OP posts:
Original poster
Reythemamajedi · 04/10/2019 22:25

Has, not is.

OP posts:
Whatdayisit2 · 04/10/2019 22:26

Could they share the big room and have the other as a den, might be a reasonable compromise?

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/10/2019 22:26

No dd2 can have it when dd1 goes to uni.

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/10/2019 22:27

Or you take the smaller room , makes much more sense for children to have bigger rooms than adults.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/10/2019 22:28

How old are they?

Aprillygirl · 04/10/2019 22:28

Toss for it.

Mrsthomasshelby1 · 04/10/2019 22:29

Depends on their ages. My 12 year old with no toys needs far less space than my 5 year old for example

ThePants999 · 04/10/2019 22:29

YANBU IMO. DD2's turn.

BeanBag7 · 04/10/2019 22:32

No dd2 can have it when dd1 goes to uni.
What if DD1 doesnt go to uni and stays at home until she's 25? (Not unheard of)

Even if she does go... let's say there is a 3 year gap between the two of them. DD1 gets the big room for 18 year until she goes to uni. Then DD2 gets it for 3 years before she also goes to uni. Doesn't seem fair to me.

OP I think you are right. They could swap again in a further 5 years if it is an issue. Or as PP suggested, depending on age they could share and have a playroom.

Thople · 04/10/2019 22:34

I think that's fair. Don't see why DD2 should be given the small room

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/10/2019 22:39

I think it's fair too.

My (younger) Dsis had a much bigger room than me growing up - about four times the size and it always grated on me because it was unfair.

titchy · 04/10/2019 22:41

Need ages. If dd1 is 35 and married, living elsewhere, YANBU, if she's 12 and a gifted life-size sculptor and dd2 is 3 YABU.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 04/10/2019 22:56

What does your eldest think is fair then? Why does she think its ok to always have the bigger room? I vote swap. My sibling had the bigger room til we moved house when we were 13 / 10. Then I got the bigger one. Of course they hated me for it and claimed a room downstairs that my parents didnt use, as their own because they needed the space!

Timandra · 04/10/2019 23:02

My DD2 moved into the larger room when she was about 5 because she had lots of toys and 11YO DD1didn't use them so needed less space.

ChangingStates · 04/10/2019 23:03

My 12 year old needs a lot less space than my 8 year old who still likes to get toys out all over the floor. If similar ages then definitely bigger room for youngest. Think of ways you can make the smaller room more appealing- discuss what furniture, decoration etc

NearlyGranny · 04/10/2019 23:15

Younger one's turn, I reckon! But I'm a second daughter.

nestisflown · 04/10/2019 23:33

I think the older one should have it. I'm an eldest and you put up with so much shit: strict rules that aren't enforced on the younger ones, being the guinea pig for your parents parenting methods, having to look after younger ones. It's little perks like bigger rooms and no hand me down clothes that stop the plight of an eldest child from being totally shit.

MissSueDenim · 04/10/2019 23:34

It depends on their ages & if DD1 has any additional responsibilities or tasks to do just because she’s older than DD2. There are pros & cons to everything.

I’m the oldest child in my family by some way & my siblings came along later but close together, so there was only a year or two between them in age.

Pro - I got the biggest bedroom

Cons - I had extra responsibilities such has extra housework, getting my siblings ready & walking them to school, watching them during school holidays & everything that entails, helping them with homework etc.

It’s not fair to have the drawbacks (chores) of being the oldest if you don’t also get the privileges (big bedroom) iyswim. Sure the younger sibs didn’t get the bigger room but they also never had the responsibilities I had because as they grew, there were no younger siblings to do the things I had to do. By being younger, they got a different set of privileges / drawbacks. It all balanced out in the end.

If all things are equal with your DDs though, then go for it.

Drpeppered · 04/10/2019 23:37

Toss a coin. Only fair way.

Redshoeblueshoe · 04/10/2019 23:39

DD2 should have it.
If people think being no.1 is tough try being much further down the queue . . . .

seven201 · 04/10/2019 23:41

Give big room to dd2. I was dd3 in this scenario. I had a box room and my sister had a huge room with a sink in it, other sister a big room. Still occasionally think about it and get a bit of younger sibling rage about it and the third hand clothes.

onthebusoctopus · 04/10/2019 23:41

It depends on the age

Redglitter · 04/10/2019 23:42

I was the eldest in our family and when we moved house I got the much smaller room. I was 15 and my brother 11. He was still at the stage of playing with things in his room. He needed the space more than I did. I dont agree that an older child should get a bigger room just because they're oldest. Go by which child needs the space.

Slappadabass · 04/10/2019 23:46

Is there another big room so they could both have a big room and you have the small?
My DD has always had the bigger room and me the smaller, seems pointless for her to be cramped in a small room with all her toys and bits and bobs when I use mine for nothing but sleeping in.

If not, id say let the youngest have the bigger room, it only seems fair that he gets a turn at having a bigger room.

Slappadabass · 04/10/2019 23:47

Or they could share the big room and have the smaller as a play room or a chill out/games room.