To think dd1 should now have smaller room

[Reythemamajedi]

Moving house, currently dd1 is bigger bedroom, has been for last 5 years, dd2 is tiny room.
New house dd2 has her eye on bigger room and dd1 is unhappy. AIBU to say, no, you had 5 years of space, it's still your own room, stop moaning (or you know, kinder words to that effect).

Me and hubby have the smallest room, kids have the big rooms. We figure the living room and kitchen is kinda ours, so we just need a bed and space for clothes in the bedroom 🤷

I did that with dd1 and dd2 when we moved house.

Dd1 had had the big double bedroom and dd2 had the box room in our first house (and ds shared with us)

When we moved dd2 got the small double bedroom, dd1 got the big single room, and ds got the small single room.

The way I put it to dd1 was that if she had the big room, then the toys that were mostly by then played with by dd2, would be stored in her room, and dd2 would have to be able to go and get them when she wanted, so she wouldn't have full privacy.
I also let her choose the bed she wanted (dd2 was getting her bed, and ds was getting dd2's bed) which was a high sleeper with chair bed underneath.

I wouldn't have said "stop moaning" because it is a reasonable thing to feel aggrieved about at that age.

It does though also depend on their ages. If they're 5 and 6yo, so potentially another 12-13 years in those rooms, it's different to if they're 17 and 18yo and may be moving out this time next year.

Depends on ages and needs.
Not coin toss though. I'm the adult, I make the decisions, and I own my decisions, I don't delegate to chance.

Like others say I think it would be easier to know their ages x

We moved when I was 13 - up til then I'd had the tiny corridor bedroom (had to walk through it to get to the bathroom), big DS got the new room in the attic with en-suite and a lot more privacy.
When we moved, I got the bigger bedroom but she was fine with that.

11 and 15. Not likely to go to uni and has a hobby that has kit and requires daily exercise/physio.
I'm coming round to the idea of giving up the master bedroom so both kids have big rooms and downstairs is my space, maybe. Would mean I'd have a single bed though 🙄 and they do tend to hang out downstairs a lot.

I wouldn’t give up a double bed for your children. You may have a relationship in the future.

Does the smaller room have space for a small double or double cabin bed? You can get a cabin double from Ikea but it’s very tall so may need adapting. Then you’re left with lots of floor space for either toys, physio kit etc. Open wardrobe shelving from Ikea / b&q for example. Just been looking at this stuff for dd btw.

Alternatively, Can the kit / physio stuff go downstairs? What does the 11 yo have to justify needing lots of space?

I think the eldest should get it sorry. The eldest usually has to put up with so much shit so I think it’s fair she gets it. I’d be annoyed if my younger sister had a bigger room than me. In our home the bedrooms are assigned based on age so I have the master and youngest has the box room

I'd say medical need trumps younger child wanting bigger room. Is the 15yr old likely to give up on the physio if they need to do it in a communal space vs privacy? I'd offer the 11yr old a more 'grown up' version of a bedroom with new furniture, and fancy decorating. Is there outdoor space for a shed that could be converted into a summer house style to have as her extra private space?

Our kids both have big rooms and DH and I a smaller room. We don't need as much space as they do...we have enough room for a bed, big wardrobe and two chests of drawers. The kids have both got more stuff...both have weights and large crafty bits and bobs.

I think swapping is the fairest way. Once a year.

I think with new info I'd stick with DD1 having the larger room.
Just make sure you have good effective furniture in room for DD2.

if she's 12 and a gifted life-size sculptor and dd2 is 3 YABU

Depends on ages. Mine are only 6 and 4 but very happily share a large room. It was either that or one go in the box room.

Getting the bigger room is one of the perks of being the oldest. It'll make up for the times she has to babysit / drive her younger sibling places / take on childcare tasks.

Who needs it the most? That’s who should get it. If both could manage in the smaller room, then I’d let the younger one have it.

If people think being no.1 is tough try being much further down the queue

@Redshoeblueshoe Agreed if you are a middle child in a family of 5. But the youngest of 2 will always have it made. They are forever the baby of the family and the parents subconsciously cling on to their babydom knowing it's the last time they'll experience those childhood stages again.

Anyway given dd1 also does physio...I definitely think she should have the biggest room. Would also be embarrassing for your dd1 bringing friends round to have to explain why she has the little single room, and her little sister has the double room. Especially once she starts having friends staying over before and after nights out.

Is the smaller room a box room? Or just a single room?
It's so annoying that houses tend to have two double bedrooms and a box.
If they had equal needs it swap them. In the circumstances you've said I'm not sure.
But I wouldn't take the smaller room yourself. You do pay all the bills after all!

Sounds fair to me. Our DC1 has a much bigger room than DC2 currently. We've told them both (they're 11 and 9) that now we're moving house, DC2 gets first dibs on bedrooms after we've chosen ours. They're both happy with it and DC1 has acknowledged that they need less space now they're older anyway.

Oldest gets the biggest room. There is a pecking order and younger kids just have to live with that. I'm the youngest of three so was at the bottom of that order but I never would have expected it any other way.

I expect your 15 year old has had to make sacrifices over the years because of her younger sister. Let her have this for herself.

Depends on their ages. My 12 year old with no toys needs far less space than my 5 year old for example

Your 12 year old has less stuff than your 5 year old and has to put up with a smaller room? Totally not fair.

Yup DD2's turn OR make the small room their bedroom - just bed and wardrobe and the bigger room can be a play den. Thats how it was for me and my twin growing up. We loved out play room!

I think you should swap and let DD2 have bigger room. A friend of mine moved every child into a box room the year before they turned 18. This meant that they were encouraged to get a job and flat and move on from the tiny room.