Daughter had me in tears today AIBU

[lilypoppet]

My daughter is pregnant and living me me at the moment. Her husband comes when he's not working. I am not charging her rent so they can save up for a place of their own. I was eating my breakfast of hummus and crackers and she started adding up all the calories, saying l am overweight and its causing my arthritis. My BMI is overweight but not obese and this morning I am trying a new fitness class and she was shouting at me. I was so upset I went upstairs and shut the door and cried. Surely she shouldn't be speaking to me like this. AIBU?

Of course your daughter shouldn't speak to you like that. I think they are taking advantage of your kindness. You don't have to support them so they can save up for rent etc. it is their own responsiblity to find somewhere to live and pay for things they need. I suggest you ask her to move out so you have your own space back.

If she really wants to save up and be near her training she can start by treating you decently.

But don't be afraid of letting go. From your previous thread, you came across as somewhat controlling, which can backfire in letting her treat you like this because you need to be involved in her life.

But OP, it doesn't matter what YOU think is best for the baby. It only matters what the parents think is best for the baby.

Also yes, she shouldn't have spoken to you sharply but maybe she was just focused on what was BEST for you?

YANBU

Your body, your business

• and in this case, your home

All these people policing other people's bodies need to STFU
especially those spongeing off their good nature

I recommend you inform your DD and her OH that they have a choice:
3 months to find somewhere else to live or STFU

If you can't bring yourself to do this, then buy earplugs and stick them in whenever you are with her

Wouldn't matter if you are BMI 40+
she should keep her beak out

Hi OP I moved home when I was saving for my wedding and got pregnant while living there, it was really hard for me to bite my tongue most of the time, I put it down to hormones and I had my own way of doing things but I wouldn't dare shout at my mother. I would let this one slide if it was a one off, but if she's does it again tell her to pack her bags and gtfo. She could be anxious or a bit scared about babies arrival but it's no excuse to treat you like this in your own home. Maybe try talking to her and see if anything is bothering her, I know I was bricking it when I was expecting my first.

Why are you putting up with this? Tell her she sorts herself out and never does that again to you or she moves out. She is an adult and has made an adult decision to have a child now she needs to start acting like an adult and taking responsibility for her own actions.

My advice @lilypoppet - kick your DD out.
Stand up for yourself.
If she is pregnant and married, she should be living at her home and her husband should be looking after her.
It's nice to be wanted. It's nice to be caring but if they are going to walk all over that, then you don't have to put up with it.
She is an adult and you no longer have to provide for her at this point if you don't want to.
Stop being fragile and start being strong.

Simple,tell her not to speak to you like that.
If you carry on doing so you will have to move out earlier than expected .

Her being concerned about your health and addressing that with you is one thing (though weight and arthritis are two seperate things entirely), but shouting at you about what you are eating is quite another. Especially today of all days, when you were planning on doing something constructive about your weight.
If her shouting at you was just a one off, I would let it go but expect an apology. But if this isn't the first time she's gone at you like this I would be telling her to pack her bags and fuck off back to her husband.

i would count all his calories, yell and shout at him
What a truly vile thing to do to your dad.

Kic her out. I’d do that to someone who abused me

You again?

Strongly suspect there is a lot more to this than meets the eye and your daughter's side of the story would be very, very different from the one you're portraying.

This x 10000

Your daughter is going entirely the wrong way about trying to get you to lose weight. You seem to have quite a bizarre relationship. Bullying people does lead to positive behaviour change.

On another note, hummus is EXTREMELY calorific. If you want to lose weight you need a much healthier breakfast.

YANBU to have got upset when she was mean to you but you know that. Your last thread had loads of replies and you’re clearly not going to try and tackle her behaviour so YABU for just rehashing the whole sorry saga and thinking people telling you she’s a cow will help you feel better. It won’t.

"Strongly suspect there is a lot more to this than meets the eye and your daughter's side of the story would be very, very different from the one you're portraying."

Doesn't matter what the other story is:

It is not acceptable to police another adult's weight
Especially not so brutally

If the OP has done something against the DD, that is a separate matter
but it doesn't justify bullying about her mum's body or eating

Thank you. I did my adult baĺet class today. I wasnt sure if l could manage a whole hour, but l did it and l loved it. I even bought ballet shoes and l can't wait to go next week. L did something for myself. I haven't seen or spiken to DD. Thanks for the support and, yes, l know l'm a oushover, but l really want the.baby to be ok, while they sort out somewhere to live permanently.

l really want the.baby to be ok, while they sort out somewhere to live permanently.

The baby will be fine. Why shouldn't it be? What can possibly happen to the baby if they move out of your home?
Odd.

They could rent. She does not need to live with you. If she is abusive, tell her to get out. Why would you tolerate this when she's already told you she won't let you look after the baby once it's born? You have mug tattooed on your forehead? No, you bloody don't so stand up to her when she's being horrible.

Babies are fine in pregnant mums living in refugee camps. It’ll be perfectly okay and it’s their responsibility as the parents, not yours.

Hi OP - are you happy to have your daughter take advantage of your hospitality and still abuse you? (let's face it, having her stay with you while they save is the same as you putting that money in their bank account). I would have a quiet word and if there is still no improvement, out she goes. As someone else posted - time to woman up!

Second thought - daughter and hubby want to save up for own place yet still at it like rabbits? Think they might have their priorities wrong.

Your job as a Mum is to prepare her for the real world and being an adult. Letting her boss you around and not pay rent is not helping her be an adult. You are enabling her. And what sort of example is that going to be for your grandchild? You say you think it's best for your grandchild she is there but I would suggest her being there is the worst thing for the grandchild. It is clearly a toxic environment. Your dd and son in law need to grow up. If you want to help them out, you need her to leave. That is the kindest thing you can do for her.

Please get over yourself tell her tof#*k off and drink wine in the morning to really annoy her. She can move out and count her calories. Why do you let her rule you😂😂😊😊

Thanks for your comments. Of course I would NEVER kick my pregnant daughter out. I usually love her being here. When l got.in today from my class.and some other things, she had had five hours sleep and was ready for her night shift. We never.metioned what happened this.morning. Thanks for all you lovely supportive people. I am not great at.sticking up.for.myself, l know l am mot.