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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or was this a bit rude?

76 replies

Funkyslippers · 04/10/2019 08:05

A few nights ago one of the mums from the school arranged a meal out in the evening. I was ready to arrive on time but the friend I was going with was really late so we go to the restaurant late, to find there was a table of 12 mums already seated, drinking, laughing, chatting etc. We said "hello" then the waiter directed us to a table of 6 at right angles and behind their table so half of the people had their backs to us. One other mum arrived and joined our table. Now I didn't mind sitting with my friend & other mum but not a single person from the big table came over to our table, even just to say hello, as I do know a couple of them a bit. Most of them completely ignored us! I felt like we'd been forgotten about and a bit excluded. We even thought a couple of them could have joined our table to even it up a bit. At the end of the night most of them just got their coats, said goodbye to those on their table and left. AIBU to think it's a bit rude or am I just over sensitive?

OP posts:

AmIThough · 04/10/2019 08:10

It seems bizarre that you wouldn't all be sat together but there's probably a thread on there from someone saying "we arranged a meal out and half the moms couldn't be bothered to turn up on time, then didn't come over to us for a chat so we couldn't be bothered dealing with them. AIBU to think they shouldn't have bothered coming if they were going to show up late and not even text to let us know?"

Soon2BeMumof3 · 04/10/2019 08:11

Yep that's pretty rude. If I was there I would have stood up and suggested that a few people join me in swapping seats so we could all catch up properly.

Annoying that the restaurant couldn't shift the smaller table to join the larger one.

swampytiggaa · 04/10/2019 08:11

It’s very rude and I wouldn’t go out with them again tbh. There should have been a table big enough for everyone.

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 04/10/2019 08:12

I don't really blame the restaurant, it's very small and the 2/3 seaters tables had people at them

OP posts:

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 04/10/2019 08:14

...and there wouldn't have been room to put the 6 seater next to their table

OP posts:

Macandcheeseplease · 04/10/2019 08:14

But did you go over to their table to say hello? Bit awkward all round really.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/10/2019 08:16

I'd be impressed with the restaurant managing to seat you when the mum you were with was so late, but you know how busy it was/wasn't.

Did the A table just blank you when you spoke to them?

Reluctantbettlynch · 04/10/2019 08:17

Big tables in pubs and restaurants are a pita for everyone. You can't realistically talk to people further down the table anyway. It's far more sensible to ask for say, three tables of six in close proximity for a group of 18, or two tables of eight for a group of 16.
So often otherwise you are in a long line of seats and can't get out to go to the toilet etc. Round tables are the only real way to socialise, but not every venue has them

cushioncovers · 04/10/2019 08:18

Did you go and speak to anyone on the big table ?

Jeezoh · 04/10/2019 08:20

Did you get up and say hello as from your OP, it sounds like you turned up late then sat down with the expectation that people should come to you?!

DingDongDenny · 04/10/2019 08:20

How late were you? 10mins - that's okay 40mins, I'd have presumed you weren't coming

MarthasGinYard · 04/10/2019 08:21

So a table had been booked for 15 which was a table of 12 and a table of 3.

Seems odd

MindyStClaire · 04/10/2019 08:21

I wouldn't overthink it. I've been at nights out where a big group was split across two tables. Often you don't even get to speak to people at your own table, never mind mingle with people on another table. If they're not usually rude or unpleasant just put it down to an unfortunate consequence of being late and don't overthink it. Someone was always going to get the smaller table and I'm sure would've experienced the same, so don't take it personally.

zxcvhjkl · 04/10/2019 08:22

Did you try and talk to the other table or apologise for being late etc? The set up and space sounds like it would be difficult to all talk to one another anyway and YABU if you think people should have moved from their settled seats, mid conversations to move to another table to sit with you when you were late.
Doesn't sound like it was malicious just unfortunate circumstances all round.

EatDessertFirst · 04/10/2019 08:22

Did you go and speak to them?
You were late so maybe they assumed you weren't coming? They were right to get started without you and the restaurant were generous to seat late comers at all let alone near the others. YABU.

Boom45 · 04/10/2019 08:24

If I was out with the school lot and I was already eating when the late comers turned up I'd probably wave across but carry on with my meal rather than stop my meal and conversation to get up and go over. I think it's understandable, especially as you were sat with others and not on your own or anything

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 04/10/2019 08:27

About 20 mins late. Yes we said hello when we entered and I made a friendly comment that they were already munching some snacks and I said the service must be good! I also tapped a couple of them on the shoulder to ask about the food on the menu etc and waved and smiled at the mum that organised the evening. When alot of the big table had gone I went over and spoke a bit to 2 of them. I can see it might have looked a bit rude that we were late but it didn't delay anything as it was ages before anyone placed their order.

OP posts:

Jeezoh · 04/10/2019 08:31

So you didn’t get up either then? Not sure why you’re miffed!

AmIThough · 04/10/2019 08:35

@Funkyslippers are you sure your 'lighthearted' comment didn't come across as you being snotty with them for ordering without you?

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 04/10/2019 08:37

Because it would have been alot easier for 1 or 2 to come over to our smaller table. I would have felt a bit awkward approaching a table that large, wasn't really anywhere I could have stood or sat either

OP posts:

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 04/10/2019 08:38

They didn't order without us. In my experience nobody tends to order for ages with a large group as we're all too busy chatting for the first 15/20 mins to look at the menu!

OP posts:

MarthasGinYard · 04/10/2019 08:43

TBH

It all sounds fine

I don't think they were rude

After 20 mins I'd be settled in

AmIThough · 04/10/2019 08:44

You said they were already munching and drinking... so they started something...

Anyway yes you're being over sensitive as you were late and didn't go over to them either.
It's irrelevant whether you were ready on time because you didn't arrive on time.

If you had done the tables would've been split more evenly.

regmover · 04/10/2019 08:44

Yeah... see I'd be biting my fingers if I'd been sitting in a restaurant with a group and they hadn't even looked at their menus after 20 minutes. So you arrived 20 minutes late, and even then they took their time and you all ordered together. It must have been an hour after start time before anyone got their meals. I'd have either a) been chivvying everyone up to get their orders in or b) after half an hour pretending I'd had an urgent text and had to leave. Then going home via the chippy. If I'm out for a meal I like it to actually involve a meal.

picknmixer · 04/10/2019 08:44

I suspect that they saw it as you arriving late and sitting chatting on your own/not joining in.

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