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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to send an email?

56 replies

Perhapsnotimmediately · 03/10/2019 23:43

Hi all. Having a bit of a panic as to what to do and perhaps a side helping of paranoia? Just could have sworn that I heard a lady in dc’s gymnastics class tell dc’s instructor that I don’t like her!
Back story: Had an argument with this woman who works as admin due to her unbelievable rudeness and from then on refused to go through her for anything. Fast forward and dc is having a lesson with an instructor whom I adore but could have sworn the admin said something to her about me. The woman came in to watch dc’s session and the instructor loudly exclaims after an exchange of words ‘I don’t understand why she doesn’t like you. I don’t get it...’ then the rest of it I totally missed as they moved further away. AIB totally U to assume she said something about me to instructor? Who else could she have been discussing for instructor to exclaim that particular comment? May sound bat shit right now and tell me if I do! But then also felt the instructor was a little more abrupt with dc after this. Want to send email to management to say I think this has happened because I’m now panicking that if they both have had this discussion it’s, firstly, highly inappropriate but also don’t want it negatively impacting dc!!! Help!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Perhapsnotimmediately · 03/10/2019 23:48

Anyone? I’m really panicking!

OP posts:
italianfiat · 03/10/2019 23:49

I have no idea what you are actually trying to say

Butterflycookie · 03/10/2019 23:50

Do not send an email! Might makes things worse Hmm

QualCheckBot · 03/10/2019 23:52

Ignore her. She sounds like a stirrer and will only use it against you.

LeedsGirl1 · 03/10/2019 23:52

Don’t panic! I would wait until the next lesson to see how the instructor is with you. Don’t send any email or anything right now. You’ll embarrass yourself Op

Phoenix76 · 03/10/2019 23:55

I agree with the others. I suffer with anxiety so I get how you’re feeling but I can’t really understand what’s happened. Could you try again please and definitely don’t be sending any e-mails, there’s always another way once we know what’s happened. Don’t panic!

donquixotedelamancha · 03/10/2019 23:55

May sound bat shit right now and tell me if I do!

You do, or at least would if you acted on this. I have similar thoughts but they are not rational.

Original poster
Perhapsnotimmediately · 04/10/2019 00:05

@phoenix76 I guess I’m trying very hard not to give too much away so I don’t out myself!

What’s happened is I argued with admin woman. I then thought I overheard her shit stirring and telling dc’s instructor whom I had a lovely relationship with that I don’t like her (don’t like the admin lady) and the instructor responding with ‘I don’t understand why she doesn’t like you. I don’t get it...’ after which the instructor seemed a little off with both dc and I. My issue is two fold. If they were discussing my issue with admin lady it is totally unprofessional and I wouldn’t want dc to continue with this instructor (would find another class). Secondly I don’t want the dynamic between instructor and dc to change because I’m being made out to be a bitch.
But again , they may have been talking about someone else!

OP posts:
Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 04/10/2019 00:06

If you don't know who or what they was talking about it's just a slight part of the conversation you over heard then no I really don't see how you can send a complaints Email that would read to me as batshit.
As for thinking she was talking about you that's normal maybe she was maybe you are just being paranoid you will never know
Now something you can complain about if you think it's too harsh and continues is the instructor being inpatient and snappy at the DC

Original poster
Perhapsnotimmediately · 04/10/2019 00:07

@donquixotedelamancha do you think I’m imagining it and she probably wasn’t saying it about me? I’ve been racking my brain considering whether it could easily have been a discussion about someone else

OP posts:
araiwa · 04/10/2019 00:08

Step away from the keyboard

Original poster
Perhapsnotimmediately · 04/10/2019 00:09

@leedsgirl1 thank you! I think you’re right. Wait it out and see how she is next week. I know it sounds mad but I worry that if they potentially were discussing it I would feel like even more of an idiot for not catching on!

OP posts:
WhatTiggersDoBest · 04/10/2019 00:10

But you don't like her. It's completely true. I don't understand why it would be unprofessional for someone to pass that on to someone else they work with, to ensure you don't have to interact with the woman you had an argument with. It would have been just as stressful for the admin woman as it was for you.
That's even if they were talking about you, which you don't know. Eavesdropping (even if it was really loud) only ever gives you a snippet of a conversation and making assumptions is never a good plan.
Please don't send an email. The fact you had an argument with the woman was bad enough, just stop overthinking this.

LeedsGirl1 · 04/10/2019 00:11

Absolutely not! (An idiot) you have nothing to gain from sending an email but a lot to lose. Please don’t embarrass yourself. They might not have been talking about you. If the admin is a bit of a crappy person maybe she’s annoyed a lot of people could be anyone in that case

Happyspud · 04/10/2019 00:12

Ah let it go. You don’t have to marry this woman (instructor). And it would be very shit and weak and unprofessional of her to be unkind to your DD for this non-reason. So just wait and see if she’s unkind to your DD. That’s the only thing in this whole drama that would actually be something.

Do NOT email anyone!

Skittlesandbeer · 04/10/2019 00:15

Essentially, you should count on the instructor having her own opinions about you, and what kind of person you are. You say you have a good relationship with the instructor, why would she change her mind about you due to another person’s bitching (if it even was about you)?

If I were you, I’d ignore the admin lady entirely, and slightly bump up my natural fabulousness with the instructor over the next weeks.

Contacting management will only make you look a bit crazy, and tilt your reputation the wrong way. You can’t police people not liking you, and I guess it’s their right to talk about it to whomever they please.

And actually, what she (may have) said about you was true, correct? You don’t like her. That’s ok too.

The best revenge is living well- if you are consistently pleasant and genuine with everyone at this centre it will make admin lady look like the crazy one. Don’t try and get her in trouble. Do you know that saying about wrestling with pigs? Don’t bother doing it, you’ll just end up tired and dirty, plus the pig will enjoy it too much.

Phoenix76 · 04/10/2019 00:16

Ah I see. Could you have just been paranoid that your dc were being treated a little differently? My brain is exceptional at putting negative thoughts into my head. What I would do is, when the time is right, thank the instructor for all her great work with your dc and that you’ve really noticed great improvement since she’s been involved. I would make no mention of admin lady or send any e-mails just be oblivious to anything relating to admin lady. It really could be admin lady was talking about someone else (sounds like she has form 😂).
Don’t give in to any temptation to mention admin lady to the instructor and carry on as if admin lady isn’t part of your world.
It’ll all be fine just be the bigger person, that’s all this scenario needs. Good luck.

Original poster
Perhapsnotimmediately · 04/10/2019 00:18

@whattiggersdobest I totally disagree. It’s highly unprofessional and is gossiping about a client on the job (IF she were discussing me. Still don’t know) and the issue was solely between her and I. She should not be dragging others in to it or discussing it with another colleague who works with my child creating unnecessary dischord and drama. Especially whilst my bloody dc is in earshot and knows exactly what they’re saying! We never do interact and walk passed one another so she doesn’t have grounds to make anyone aware of the issue.

OP posts:
Phoenix76 · 04/10/2019 00:19

Ha! Cross posted with skittlesandbeer spot on!

Original poster
Perhapsnotimmediately · 04/10/2019 00:25

@Phoenix76 thank you for this and all the lovely helpful advice. I totally agree with you. I won’t mention anything about her and will continue on as normal (unless of course I see a real change in the way instructor is with dc). Hopefully it was nothing at all and I’m winding myself up about nothing!

OP posts:
Original poster
Perhapsnotimmediately · 04/10/2019 00:29

@skittlesandbeer you’re totally spot on with what you’ve said. Similar to what Phoenix advised. I was thinking exactly this and had said to myself that even if she has fed her poison about me, I really shouldn’t be concerned as the instructor has her own opinion regarding me and we get on well. Hopefully it doesn’t have any affect on her and she continues being just as sweet and patient with dc as before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Perhapsnotimmediately · 04/10/2019 00:32

@makesmilingyourbesthobby in complete agreement with last line of your comment. I definitely should keep an eye on her dynamic with dc and if anything changes where there is cause for concern, will flag it with management.

OP posts:
Bringonspring · 04/10/2019 00:34

It does sound like you are being difficult with the admin lady though. The best way is to get along with he

Original poster
Perhapsnotimmediately · 04/10/2019 00:35

@bringonspring this comment is based on no knowledge of the original reason for our argument. You can’t assume things.

OP posts:
gostiwooz · 04/10/2019 00:41

Whatever you do, don't send an email. Knowing Sod's Law as I do, the admin woman will be the one whose job it is to read incoming emails...

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