AIBU to send an email?

[Perhapsnotimmediately]

Hi all. Having a bit of a panic as to what to do and perhaps a side helping of paranoia? Just could have sworn that I heard a lady in dc’s gymnastics class tell dc’s instructor that I don’t like her!
Back story: Had an argument with this woman who works as admin due to her unbelievable rudeness and from then on refused to go through her for anything. Fast forward and dc is having a lesson with an instructor whom I adore but could have sworn the admin said something to her about me. The woman came in to watch dc’s session and the instructor loudly exclaims after an exchange of words ‘I don’t understand why she doesn’t like you. I don’t get it...’ then the rest of it I totally missed as they moved further away. AIB totally U to assume she said something about me to instructor? Who else could she have been discussing for instructor to exclaim that particular comment? May sound bat shit right now and tell me if I do! But then also felt the instructor was a little more abrupt with dc after this. Want to send email to management to say I think this has happened because I’m now panicking that if they both have had this discussion it’s, firstly, highly inappropriate but also don’t want it negatively impacting dc!!! Help!!!

But as a grown up you had an argument rather than being able to work something through. You can tell my your tone that you’re quite argumentative [difficult]

Admin lady doing unsolicited moaning about you not liking her = she looks bad and a bit whiny. Instructor assumes she's exaggerating and that you're fine.

You overhearing private conversation that may have been about you and then emailing to somehow make it better = you look bonkers and validates the picture that admin lady may be trying to paint to instructor.

Totally get the anxiety but please look at this objectively!!

@bringonspring I’m ‘difficult’ when the situation necessitates it (and by difficult, I mean I will stand my ground) and no, the responsibility does not fall on my shoulders alone to keep the peace. She was rude and I’ve set a boundary with her. It also goes to show the type of individual she is if she thinks the middle of a lesson is the best time to have a gossip.

Something else I want to point out - men often assert themselves and feel emboldened to be forthright with those that are being rude/abrupt with them yet are not called argumentative or difficult. Why do women have to bend over backwards to keep the peace with someone who clearly has an attitude problem or is downright rude?

WHAT sleep warrior said! Back away from the keyboard

Don't send any emails!

You are probably sensitive about the argument and this is causing you stress. You can't possibly know who two people you were standing nearby were talking about. If you argued with her because she is rude, then I imagine others have the same opinion as you.

One of my kid's has swimming lessons in a particular place. The receptionist is extremely rude - slams down the phone, talks loudly and veeeerrrryyyy slowly to people as if the person she is talking to can't understand the language she is speaking, repeats the same answer for different questions and so on. I had a slight argument with her over something and was embarrassed until I mentioned it to another parent. It turned out that many people had arguments with her. She is notorious for her bad behaviour. How she keeps her job is difficult to understand. She must be extremely efficient because it is certainly not because of her people skills!

I don't have much reason to talk to her and I know she creates arguments from a simple question as her way of getting you to leave her desk. If I didn't know this, I would stress about how I might be perceived by her colleagues and if I was worried, I would change pools.

It is likely the person you are talking to has also had run ins with other people too and if it is causing you anxiety, perhaps consider changing clubs?

@SleepWarrior you’re totally right. I quite like the way you’ve objectively broken it down! I think the anxiety is ultimately all tied in with my worrying if dc will get ill treated as a result (though surely the instructor would be crazy to behave in that manner). I may have allowed paranoia to take over when I assumed she was being abrupt but I’ll have to wait (nervously) and see.

@Doyoureallyneedtoask wow, what a nightmare of an individual you seem to be dealing with! I always wonder why people with this type of horrific attitude and who are clearly socially inept can be kept for client facing roles! It will only drive away business ultimately if people have a range of alternatives.
I would look for another class but dc adores instructor and I worry it will cause them distress if I moved them. If anything changes in her attitude toward dc in the coming week I will definitely pull her out.

Email would go via admin. No point. Go and speak directly to the person if you need to.

@happyspud I missed this. Yes would be very shitty if this resulted in a change of attitude of the instructor. Would be highly inappropriate/unprofessional and so will keep my eyes peeled for anything that seems to indicate that she has started treating dc differently.

@justilou1 everyone advising against it. What do you think?

I think you probably imagined the whole thing tbh.

Very unlikely to be having that kind of conversation with you in the room. You probably misheard.

So no don’t send a weird email.

Colleagues talk. It’s not like she’s lying - you said yourself that you don’t like her. I don’t think this is a big deal - definitely don’t think you should email about it.

Unless the instructor has his/her own issue with admin lady, they are pretty likely to stick together as far as their opinions go and are probably friends to a long point. That's something to accept I think.

The chances are though they won't have been talking about you at all in front of the children. If you're happy with the club in general I would just try to forget what you think you heard.

To a point. No idea where the "long" came from!

Dont send it.

men often assert themselves and feel emboldened to be forthright with those that are being rude/abrupt with them yet are not called argumentative or difficult. Why do women have to bend over backwards to keep the peace with someone who clearly has an attitude problem or is downright rude?

Ita not about bending over backwards. You want you child to keep using this service. Its easier all round to just be civil. And yes, I would tell a man the same.

I really dont like my sons head teacher. We had an incident when my daughter was there and she was awful. To the point she brought a union rep to the meetings, who sided with me. I stood my ground and didnt give an room to dismiss the fact my daughter had been assaulted several times, which lead to her being in hospital and the hospital involving the police (the 11 year old boy concerned was actually charged). I wasnt having any of her bullshit.

However, my son is happy in the school and with his teachers, so I am now civil with her. She dislikes me, I dislike her. But we are civil. Not because we are women but because it's the right thing to do.

Looking round wondering what she has told other people, assuming some people must not like me because of it, isnt making my life any better. And if my kids dad wanted to carry on the animosity, I would tell him to pack it.

@Perhapsnotimmediately stop panicking, life is too short!!

Don't send an email, you don't know for sure they were talking about you. If you send it and you get the response "the admin person was not even talking about you" which to be honest, you probably will, what's going to be the outcome for you? Even more panic, an extremely uncomfortable environment to visit in the future?

It really isn't worth the headspace.

I am probably missing the point but why is it ‘highly’ inappropriate? Why is it not just inappropriate?

What actions would you consider to be merely inappropriate?

(And I think you should not write an email, you actually don’t know facts and could inflame a situation).

Ugh whats the point and why do you care? They both sound immature and miserable. As an adult I've never had that kind of conversation with another adult. Let them crack on!

As it was only overheard snatches of a conversation, I think try to ignore it and carry on as you were. Assuming you have a legitimate reason to dislike/distrust the admin woman, you have nothing to feel insecure or defensive about anyway.

Does it matter if she told them you don’t like her? You don’t seem to like her. I wouldn’t email anyone just be polite but distant from now on. You are there for your daughter not a social club.

I think this is one of those things you work yourself up about but really doesn't matter. Do you think the instructor will go away thinking about how a parent of 1 kid in 1 class doesn't like the admin lady, if that even was what they were talking about. I doubt they give a fuck. Got bigger things to worry about.

Don't send the email and forget about it.

She could have been talking about anyone.
She was probably short with all the children as had been distracted and slightly annoyed by discussing something else mid lesson

Unfortunately this is a consequence of having an argument with a member of staff. Other members of staff will hear about it and might be more wary of you. You sending another email will just confirm to everyone there that you are difficult.

1.) she is allowed to talk to other members of staff about things that have happened; that isn’t inappropriate

2.) you have ABSOLUTELY no idea what they were talking about. ‘Shit stirring’ it ain’t.

You really really need to calm down.

She may not even have been talking about you.

It isn't unprofessional really to say that to a colleague and, very possibly, friend.

Sending an email would make things worse.

As long as the instructor treats your DC well over the next sessions, do nothing.