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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this cheeky?

59 replies

Littlepeak34 · 03/10/2019 19:36

So I meet up with my cousin every couple of weeks as we have DC same age and my DC always asks to see cousins DC.

Problem is she can’t drive so it’s always me picking them up (they live around 10 mins away), then off to somewhere like soft play and then drop them back off.

We have just said we would meet tomorrow and she suggested we could go to a soft play near her and then come back to mine for the rest of the day. Problem is she expects a lift home too.

I have done this a few times in the past so the two toddlers can play at home but I find her recent request quite cheeky...

Is she BU? Should I just accept that as she can’t drive and she doesn’t live that far away to just do all this as my DC loves playing with hers.

Just to add, when they come round mine, I feed them, offer snacks etc. I have asked to go round hers before once but it was met with “oh, I have no food is so we’ll have to go out”. I generally find my house much more comfortable and cleaner so I have tended not to ask to go to hers though.

OP posts:
SillyMoomin · 03/10/2019 19:38

Of course she’s a cf

The driving and the food stories? Double cf

Bishbosh84 · 03/10/2019 19:38

Maybe but she doesn’t live far away so i wouldn’t get annoyed about it

fedup21 · 03/10/2019 19:40

Yes, she is being cheeky. I’d say, ‘why don’t I come to you for a bit in the afternoon-I need to escape!’

Tilltheendoftheline · 03/10/2019 19:40

I do this with my best friend all the time. She doesnt drive. I will pick her up and bring her to mine. Then take her home and have snacks in.

Pick her up and we take the kids out.

It doesnt bother me at all.

Whitejasmine · 03/10/2019 19:41

Err...yes she’s a cheeky sod. You, however are partly to blame for facilitating her. Tell her you will go to hers instead as picking her up, taking her to yours and then dropping her off is proving to be too much on a regular basis. Don’t go into explaining just leave it at that.

My dm and dsis don’t drive and I used to run around after them, I got sick of it and just stopped. As a result I don’t see them as much but I just visit them/pick them up when it suits me. There’s no reason why they couldn’t have learnt to drive themselves.

Witchinaditch · 03/10/2019 19:41

Just say why don’t we come to you?

Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 03/10/2019 19:46

I’ve just replied asking that’s fine but can someone pick up her as it’s too much running around for me.

I could go to hers and have suggested that to her in the past. But her place is quite dirty and there’s no where for my toddler to nap (he only really sleeps in his bed) so all round mine is better but I just found it cheeky. Normally we’d just do something in the morning, I’d drop them home after soft play or something and back to mine for DCs nap.

Ok, maybe I should just put up with it if it’s actually better for us!

OP posts:
Elieza · 03/10/2019 19:47

Just go to soft play near her :

“I’m trying not to use the car so much, petrol is sooo dear these days, (or “I’m trying to be more environment friendly these days”) meet you there if that’s ok?”

Then once you’ve played say goodbye and leave. She shouldn’t be surprised at no lift, she’s been pre warned about your feelings about petrol or the environment as you’ve already told her. She should be used to getting around on buses anyway. Job done.

Ponoka7 · 03/10/2019 19:48

How long does the drive actually take? Are you really going to begrudge this over winter?

parrotonthesofa · 03/10/2019 19:54

If I liked my cousin and her child and préfèred being at mine as easier for my child's nap etc, I wouldn't mind the dropping off. It's only10 minutes way. No biggie imo.

Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 03/10/2019 19:54

I don’t have a problem picking them up, going to soft play near hers, then dropping them off. It’s the request to pick her up, back to mine, then drop them back off again. She must realise this is a bit of a faff on and it’s much easier to just go to somewhere near hers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 03/10/2019 19:55

Probably around 20 round trip.

OP posts:
Mephisto · 03/10/2019 19:57

Well done for asking her to sort a lift home. She could just get a taxi it’s not fair for you to leave your home after picking her up and and feeding them too.

Hope you’re not spending too much on food?

Windydaysuponus · 03/10/2019 19:57

Suggest an indoor picnic and send her suggestions to bring along.

parrotonthesofa · 03/10/2019 19:57

Meh I really wouldn't mind if we were close.

Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 03/10/2019 19:58

Also, she has never once invited me round hers, I have had to ask. It’s always asking if she can come round mine. I think that’s cheeky if you’re not to one doing the driving around.

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 03/10/2019 19:59

If you prefer it and it suits you more, then I would do it.

parrotonthesofa · 03/10/2019 19:59

But yeah good idea re indoor picnic to make her contribue towards food so it's not aways you.

parrotonthesofa · 03/10/2019 20:00

Yes but you said you don't like going to hers as it's dirty and your child doesn't sleep there.

Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 03/10/2019 20:01

She doesn’t have much money which is why I think I’ve been facilitating it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 03/10/2019 20:07

Yeah I see all your points. Seems I’ll just put up with the lifts on the occasions she come back to mine.

Food wise the picnic idea is good, or I’ll suggest going out.

OP posts:
AntiHop · 03/10/2019 20:09

Is public transport an option for her?

parrotonthesofa · 03/10/2019 20:11

I think it also depends on your relationship with her.
If this were my best friend for example who I love dearly, like her children and enjoy her company, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at doing this to help her out.
If it were my cousin however whom I'm not a massive fan of but don't mind seeing from time to time, I would find it more annoying.

Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 03/10/2019 22:17

Not without getting 2-3 buses with a toddler.

OP posts:
tinkerbellla · 03/10/2019 22:21

It's only 10 mins. If you like her then I can't why this is a problem. If you don't like her then don't do it.

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