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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this cheeky?

59 replies

Littlepeak34 · 03/10/2019 19:36

So I meet up with my cousin every couple of weeks as we have DC same age and my DC always asks to see cousins DC.

Problem is she can’t drive so it’s always me picking them up (they live around 10 mins away), then off to somewhere like soft play and then drop them back off.

We have just said we would meet tomorrow and she suggested we could go to a soft play near her and then come back to mine for the rest of the day. Problem is she expects a lift home too.

I have done this a few times in the past so the two toddlers can play at home but I find her recent request quite cheeky...

Is she BU? Should I just accept that as she can’t drive and she doesn’t live that far away to just do all this as my DC loves playing with hers.

Just to add, when they come round mine, I feed them, offer snacks etc. I have asked to go round hers before once but it was met with “oh, I have no food is so we’ll have to go out”. I generally find my house much more comfortable and cleaner so I have tended not to ask to go to hers though.

OP posts:
Whydoesitalwaysrainatpickup · 03/10/2019 22:32

If you want the kids to play, you know she doesn't drive so it's the only option if a bus isn't possible.
I guess as she has never driven and you have always picked her up and dropped her off, she maybe doesn't realise how you feel?

Maybe also she knows her house isn't great and wants to get out, and prefers your house, also if she isn't that well off she might worry about getting extra food in to feed you and your DC as well?

No point rocking your friendship or the kids for a small inconvinience. Perhaps see where she can get a bus to from hers, and meet there? A park or just the town centre and go to a cafe and the library?

monkeymonkey2010 · 03/10/2019 22:36

She must realise this is a bit of a faff on and it’s much easier to just go to somewhere near hers...she has never once invited me round hers, I have had to ask....She doesn’t have much money which is why I think I’ve been facilitating it

She DOES realise it's a faff - that's why she's choosing not to make any effort herself re transport and is choosing to guilt-trip you into doing all the driving.
Nobody needs to lay on a whole buffet spread for a playdate....a simple coffee with biscuits would suffice, but she just doesn't want you at her house.

You're being used OP.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 03/10/2019 22:39

Yep you're being used.

Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 04/10/2019 07:25

Well today she is coming round but she has arranged someone to pick her up at the end of the day.

For lunch, I’m going to say we’re going out as I have no food in.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 04/10/2019 07:54

I can't believe this or some of the answers 😳

She's your cousin, you want to see her, your DC play well together.

How much of a big deal is a lift, really? It's 20 mins altogether. And the food? Again, so what? This wouldn't bother me at all.

It's quite clear you're sniffy about her 'dirty' house, she probably feels that & is more comfortable being in yours so it hardly matters that you spend all the time in your house.

I just can't get this or the pointed, 'I've no food in, we're going out' (and you've mentioned she doesn't have much money 🙄)

I'd hate to be like this.

BecauseItIz · 04/10/2019 08:08

Is it not more expensive going out to eat. If she is short of money this could be really awkward.

sawyersfishbiscuits · 04/10/2019 08:09

I think she's embarrassed to have you at her house as her house is messy. It sounds like she needs to get out of the house.
I know it seems unfair to you but as long as your DC get on well I think you might have to just be the bigger (kinder) person.
Suggestions that if she's coming over to bring a cake and you'll supply sandwiches or similar might be an idea.

My best friend has a house that would feature on a Kim and Aggie show. She always comes to us, though she does drive. She usually picks up a cake or similar on the way.

onanothertrain · 04/10/2019 08:09

You've said it suits you if she comes to yours, her house is dirty Hmm and your DC only naps in their own bed. You also know she doesn't have much money. Just give her a lift home FFS or stop making excuses and go to hers

Atalune · 04/10/2019 08:19

I’m rather shocked at some of the replies!

Where is the kindness, the tolerance?

She’s family
She’s on a low income
The kids play nicely
You like her (or maybe not?!?)

People are so quick to be unkind.

You pick her up and have a pleasant day together. She says thanks for the lift and lunch?

So?

Honestly I despair. You’re probably the highlight of her week.

Livpool · 04/10/2019 08:29

She is cheeky.

I don't drive but would never expect a lift home - I would use public transport or get a taxi

RandomFactor · 04/10/2019 08:44

I was going to say "I can't believe some of the replies on here", but as it's MN, of course I can.

A cousin, family, with a child your DC likes and plays with well, only 10
mins away, short of money by the sound of it and doesn't drive or have a car...

...and you begrudge them a 10 minute lift with a toddler to soft play? I don't know about other people, but that's not how my family treats one another.

Yeah, make her get the bus in the cold and wet, so you can save about £1 worth of petrol. What a horrible attitude.

RandomFactor · 04/10/2019 08:45

@Atalune - exactly this!!

fedup21 · 04/10/2019 08:54

...and you begrudge them a 10 minute lift with a toddler to soft play? I don't know about other people, but that's not how my family treats one another.

But why couldn’t the OP be invited back to the cousins (closer) house to play??

Hahaha88 · 04/10/2019 08:56

Exactly what Atalune said.
You're being unloving @Littlepeak34. And do not wait til she's there to say you're going out for lunch, if she can't afford it you're putting her in an extremely difficult position. If you genuinely can't provide lunch, let her know in advance so she can bring something. Some people budget to the penny and will have to skip a meal in the position you're putting your cousin in.
She's family for crying out loud, and it clearly works best for her to come to you. Be a decent human being and accept that she'll need lifts to facilitate that

Hahaha88 · 04/10/2019 08:58

@fedup21 perhaps because she knows op doesn't like being there as much as at hers? Perhaps she's struggling so much she can't afford to have the heating on and is ashamed? Or she can't offer drinks and snacks as she simply can't afford them?

Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 04/10/2019 09:00

Just to add that we normally go to a pub for lunch and she doesn’t have a problem with that. She doesn’t have much money but has never seemed to have a problem with that. She pays for her and DC but I normally pay for soft play for her and mine DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 04/10/2019 09:01

Thanks for your replies. Maybe I am being a little petty. I have just felt she has been cheeky in the past.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 04/10/2019 09:01

I normally pay for soft play for her and mine DC.

How did that start?

Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 04/10/2019 09:02

She has just rang to ask if I can pick up her DC car seat from her DP workplace as she forgot to get it out the car???

OP posts:
Fweakout · 04/10/2019 09:02

Is the 10 min drive in a town or down a motorway? If through a town a
(and so not that far) I can't see why she wouldn't walk for 30-40 mins back from your house to theirs with the buggy. I think going back to yours from soft play is fine but expecting you and toddler to turn out again for a lift home is a bit much.

Original poster
Littlepeak34 · 04/10/2019 09:03

Like I said she doesn’t have much money. I have just done it as it seems silly to pay separately for £2-3

OP posts:
Fweakout · 04/10/2019 09:03

Your last post shows she is cheeky plus the paying for soft play for her. hmmm

Scarlettmaid · 04/10/2019 09:05

I would have some sympathy if you really wanted to be invited to her house, but you complain that it is dirty and that your child can't have a nap there.
It sounds like you just like to moan for the sake of it.
I give lifts to friends etc, not an issue.
Sounds like you are luckier than her , you drive, your house is better, she is lower income.
If you get on and your kids get on why is this such a big deal?
You want her to invite you just so you can say no?

Actionhasmagic · 04/10/2019 09:09

I agree with @EarringsandLipstick and @Atalune kindness first.

But having just read the update I think the car seat request is a little cheeky.

Divorce678 · 04/10/2019 09:10

I do this with a friend - ie 99% of the time go to theirs as there’s 5 of them and 3 of us and their house is much bigger so much more comfortable - but I drive so have a 35 minute drive to get there so my fuel cost each way in return for their hospitality.
But I do take snacks for all the children a lot of the time. If you’re ok with the relatively short drive and prefer your house, why don’t you ask her if she can bring snacks etc. for them?

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