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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can I make the evening less stressful?

65 replies

Merryoldgoat · 03/10/2019 19:08

I have two DC, DS6 and DS18mo.

I work three days and DH works full time.

DH shares drop offs and we do the mornings together.

However by dint of location and me driving to work I do all pickups.

Tuesday and Thursday evenings are hell. I get back with them around 6.15 and then dinner, bathtime etc is just shit.

The toddler whines from THE SECOND I put him down, the 6yo is tired and hungry so we get full on grumps.

I just find myself hating being with them. I don’t get any downtime for hours and even then it’s all prep for the next day.

Work have asked me to up my hours and I just don’t know if I can bear to. I just never feel calm anymore - people always want something from me and I just want to curl up in a ball and scream.

Any suggestions as to how I can improve things?

OP posts:
Trewser · 03/10/2019 19:09

Can you give the 6 year old something to eat in the car so he's not so hungry when you get in?

violetbunny · 03/10/2019 19:10

What is DH doing on Tuesday and Thursday evenings after you get home?

Trewser · 03/10/2019 19:11

And get your dh to do all drop offs for a couple of weeks to give you some breathing space?

Galaxygirl93 · 03/10/2019 19:15

I also work 3 days a week so also have hectic evenings on those days (as do people who work full time I am sure!) I also have a 20 month old so similar age.

What does your partner do in the evenings? In the summer, my partner has an evening hobby and it was very difficult to sort toddler AND do housework/tea. Now however we get home from work, both at the same time after one of us picks DC up. Partner baths boy while I do housework and tea. Sit down roughly at 7 to eat. 7.30 I wash up and do lunch for next day, whilst partner entertains/looks after toddler.

Lagatha · 03/10/2019 19:17

Drop the bath, put in PJ's as soon as they arrive home. Easy food for you and DH that doesn't require cooking. Dh does prep for next day and you put kids to bed

Lagatha · 03/10/2019 19:18

*much cooking

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 03/10/2019 19:18

@Trewser

It’s not a long enough drive 2 mins tops so more hassle than it’s worth

I could get him to do more drop offs... I’ll think about that.

@violetbunny

I get home before him. Because he drops off he works later so not home until 7ish. When he gets back he does our dinner and put 6yo to bed. If he’s home early enough he’ll do bathtime too. He honestly pulls his weight.

Thank you both for replying.

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 03/10/2019 19:19

Can you childcare provider feed the DC? Our CM feeds them so when we all get in (at 6) I just have to hear DS1 (6) read (persuading DS2 (3) not to interrupt) and then they have about half an hour to relax before bath and bed. DH and I eat about 8:30.

DH and I alternate pick ups (both work FT) and there’s no expectation that the other will be home much before 7. Whilst it’s full on in the evenings there’s plenty of time because we’re not eating. Full sit down family meals at the weekend.

CheshireDing · 03/10/2019 19:22

It’s very hard. We have 3 under 7 years old and we both work full time and due to DH shifts I do drop offs and pick ups every day !

In the winter it’s even bloody worse, I would ran out of work to the car (15 mins run) drive in rush hour to get to nursery for them nearly always to be the last ones there, Ryan them home, let dog out, put chickens to bed, milk and crumpets/porridge then showers, books, bed, prep for the next day 😱 one would always be crying at some point

This is no great answer unfortunately something eventually has to give, be it less hours, different company, one of you giving up work for a bit and being a stay at home parent.

As another poster said then prepping as much as you can and having quick easy food ready to cook or a snack to keep them going whilst you cook.

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 03/10/2019 19:23

CM feeds toddler sometimes but 6yo won’t eat elsewhere. He has HFA and whilst for the most part is fine, he has real food issues so eating out is a nightmare.

I could do sandwich dinners on those nights though... that would help.

Perhaps if I try getting in a 8 then I could leave at 4. It’s just a hard morning then so I’m swapping the stressor points.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 03/10/2019 19:23

Can your childcare feed the kid’s? We get home at that time and as DD has eaten its just play time, milk then bed. Then you could have something easy to eat for your dinner or your DH cook.
I also sort out clothes at the weekend so all week everything is in a neat pile for the morning and I don’t have to think about it each night.

mathsquestions · 03/10/2019 19:25

Have dinner ready in the slow cooker

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 03/10/2019 19:25

The other option I suppose is 5 short days. But that’s brings its own issues.

Urgh.

OP posts:
morrisseysquif · 03/10/2019 19:26

Are you feeding the toddler and 6 yr old when you get home? Have they not eaten before then?

billy1966 · 03/10/2019 19:26

OP,
Definitely drop bathtime.
Have a good quality veg bought soup in for both days if you haven't time to make. Serve it with boiled eggs and soldiers.
Nothing wrong with this, and it's fast.

There are no prizes for doing things the hard way.
I would encourage the 6 year old into his pj's as soon as he is in the door.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 03/10/2019 19:27

Pick ups are way more stressful than drop offs. You need to share them out equally

morrisseysquif · 03/10/2019 19:27

Sorry, just saw the update.

44PumpLane · 03/10/2019 19:30

Drop bathtime on those two nights--my kids only get bathed 2 or 3 times a week as they have sensitive skin and they are fine. A good flannel down in the morning is sufficient.

For food in the summer you could prep cold items the night before, in winter could you use a slow cooker on a timer so you dump the prepped meal into the slow cooker in the morning and set away so it's ready to go when you get in? You can batch prep and freeze "dump bags" (Pinterest is your friend here)

Or honestly beans on toast is a perfectly good tea a couple nights a week, while things are warming up get clothes off and PJs on.

Husband and I work full time with young twins so I feel your pain OP!

Galaxygirl93 · 03/10/2019 19:32

Quiche is also a quick dinner

DewDropsonKittens · 03/10/2019 19:33

It does get easier, but for now

The children don't need to be bathed every night

Pasta boiling whilst you sort out the baby

As long as you keep them fed watered a mostly clean you will make it through

Rose789 · 03/10/2019 19:34

Could you make food in a slow cooker?
On my late finishes I get home with 1 and 5 year old at 6.20. Bung some rice in the microwave or slice some bread to have with chicken curry, or casserole or stew etc and we are sitting down to eat at 6.30. Soon as that’s finished bath and pyjamas for them and they only end up going to bed about 15 minutes later then normal.
Dp normally gets in at 7 and he has his tea and cleans the kitchen while I do bedtime.
Not ideal but the days I do long hours he has to start late to do the drop offs.

LoveFood · 03/10/2019 19:38

I agree that you have to lower expectations for those evenings.

So food has to be something super easy or pre prepared (by you or your favourite supermarket) and heated. Baths possibly skipped, if possible.

We've started letting the DC eat at the gym after their swimming lessons for example. It allows them to eat closer to their usual time and we then come home and are straight into bed more or less.

NabooThatsWho · 03/10/2019 19:39

Really easy dinners: sandwiches or picnic style food, scrambled eggs or beans on toast, toastier or just reheating something you batch cooked.
How often do they need a bath?

Redcliff · 03/10/2019 19:39

Where are you picking them up from? Where are you based?

Stickybeaksid · 03/10/2019 19:43

I feel your pain. The nights I am rushing I do a quick dinner this could be beans on toast or something from the slow cooker. I’ve stopped doing bath every night and have just lowered my expectations of life in general