How can I make the evening less stressful?

[Merryoldgoat]

I have two DC, DS6 and DS18mo.

I work three days and DH works full time.

DH shares drop offs and we do the mornings together.

However by dint of location and me driving to work I do all pickups.

Tuesday and Thursday evenings are hell. I get back with them around 6.15 and then dinner, bathtime etc is just shit.

The toddler whines from THE SECOND I put him down, the 6yo is tired and hungry so we get full on grumps.

I just find myself hating being with them. I don’t get any downtime for hours and even then it’s all prep for the next day.

Work have asked me to up my hours and I just don’t know if I can bear to. I just never feel calm anymore - people always want something from me and I just want to curl up in a ball and scream.

Any suggestions as to how I can improve things?

Is there anyway your childminder could bring the kids home to you or have a paid babysitter pick them up then take them home ? I don't know if any of these options are feasible but u sound like your at your wits end and for it just being a chore and not being able to enjoy your kids sounds terrible
Maybe you could spread your working days out so more days but less hours in the day?
Cut your hours ?
Assuming there isn't any family or anything that can help out

I’d send both kids with snacks on these days, they’ll be much sunnier of disposition if they’re not hungry

My usually happy chappy was absolutely awful until I worked this out! Car snacks worked for me, but if you can make sure that the cm and school give the kids something as a snack, it’ll really help.

Been doing picnic teas for 25 years! Kids favourite to be honest as no pressure and they can eat as much or little as they like. Heinz tomato soup - yes it's full of sugar - but it's lush and kids love it. Once a week is not going to be an issue. Pj's on, picnic tea, cuddles, story and bed. Sounds like the perfect evening. That's only cos mine are all grown up though

Talk to the CM about having sandwiches at 4.30 to 5 each day. That's what my DD's school after school club do and it really helps take the edge off. In fact she moans greatly if I pick her up before sandwich time!

Get to the GP and have your iron, vitamin D and thyroid checked. I've felt like this a few times and it was one of those things. Low vitamin D felt especially dreadful.

Your set up sounds quite normal (sorry) and you are very lucky to have the in-law help mid week, so get checked out.

Dinner for kids those 2 nights can be just porridge with fruit, scrambled egg on toast, beans and a jacket potato - I have a list of 20 minute meals for DH and I, which often DS will eat too depending on the evening - contains things such as Thai green curry (can coconut milk, thai paste, prawns/chicken, veg and microwave rice) Lasagne I've prepared at weekend, defrosted that morning and bung in oven with garlic bread, freezer fish and chips with mushy peas, Sausage and Mash (pre prepared mash) meatballs and spaghetti, fajhitas (prepped at weekend to just throw in a pan) frozen pizza.

These have all helped in making evenings much less stressful, DS watches Hey Duggee for 15 mins while I cook, he helps with the table (he's 3.5) We usually eat around half 6ish, start bedtime around half 7, asleep for 8.

While one does bedtime the other has a whiz around the kitchen tidying up, loading washer etc. We don't always eat together, I may eat with DS and DH eat while I do bed or vice versa, this means once bedtime is done we can just sit and catch up with each other without having to do much.

I have home made ‘frozen dinners’ prepped in the freezer for the DC. It means I can get dinner on the table in 5 minutes on nights like this. It works well.

I agree about baths, they don’t need them every night.

Don’t up your hours. Stand firm.

Can DH drop off on those days so you can start and finish earlier?

Picnic tea in front of the tv with you sitting with them having a cup of tea. Then pJs and bed.

It will keep changing and you just have to do whatever keeps you sane. In the meantime keep everything as easy as you possibly can.

There is a company in London that does after school nannies (uni students but there is a very rigorous vetting program) - one of them could do school and childminder pickup and feed the kids before you got home. Its not cheap - £12 an hour but would mean you just have to get home rather than pickup and feeding.

Thank you for all the suggestions.

The after school nanny would be a possibility for the older one if I could get the same one each week - thank you - I’ll look at that.

I think I’ll talk to DH about me leaving much earlier on Tues and Thurs - around 7.15 and then I’ll be in for 8 and able to leave by 4.

If DS6 was home and fed it would help so I’ll definitely explore after school nanny.

Thank you for letting me vent - it’s such a first-world problem - I’ve got a good flexible job and a great husband. It’s just a lot at the moment.

I really want to come off my ADs soon but I don’t think I’m quite ready yet but these changes will help me get there.

Thankfully I’m having a good day - toddler is happy, I’ve done a bit of housework and I’m chilling out until pick up. I’ve got the new Margaret Atwood for nap time too - bliss!

I like the frozen dinner idea - I will try doing that.

Can you make double dinners that you know they will eat on the Monday and Wednesday evenings? then you only have to heat it up when you get in which is far easier than cooking from scratch on those 2 evenings.

I do this a couple of times a week even though our dc are young teens. We're not home till after 6pm so it makes things handy if I have a pot of meatballs or chicken curry, or pasta sauce, or casserole etc in the fridge that just needs to be bunged into the oven & the sides cooked in minutes - pasta / rice/ garlic bread / oven chips. Steam some veg, or open a bag of salad - job done in under 20 mins.

I use the minutes it's cooking to whizz around, load the washing machine, get changed out of work clothes etc. Then we only have to clean up after the meal and we're done. apart from nagging about homework!

For the past year I am working full time so this is 5 nights a week for us and one night a week we're not home until 9pm due to sports training. I find by Friday I am exhausted!

A picnic tea has really helped our bedtimes so I'd definitely try a different way of feeding them, either at CM or at home. If it's only a couple of times a week it really won't hurt.

Definitely ditch the bath, it surprises me that parents stress themselves out trying to bath children every night, they don't need it. And yes something simple and quick to eat.

On my 3 work days my 2 and 4 year old get super quick dinners. Something reheated from another day, beans on toast, potato waffles done in the toaster with some ham and peas, Crumpets and cheese with some cucumber and pepper slices. Nothing that takes more than 5 minutes and I always sit them up straight away when we get in with a Babybel or something while I prepare it. They are both hungry and grumpy and just need dinner, bath, bed ASAP.