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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to have forgotten what hard work working is?!

72 replies

NotMyRealName11 · 02/10/2019 21:50

Back at work today after maternity leave and a recent nasty bout of viral meningitis and oh my God, working feels like hard work! I wonder if I'm feeling it more because of it being the first day back, or if it was always like this and I'd just forgotten?!

By the end of the day I honestly felt like I could have just lain down and slept right where I was! And on the tube on the way home I honestly got quite worried that I was going to pass out with exhaustion!

Got in and my DP (who's taken a few weeks of holiday owing to look after DD) was destroying the kitchen-- attempting to cook and ended up taking over for the greater good...and was so knackered that I couldn't eat a bite!

Now I'm sort of collapsed in a heap and...have to get up and do it all again tomorrow!

Please, tell me that I'm being a total wuss to give me some motivation / the kick up the ass which I clearly need!!!

OP posts:
HelloYouTwo · 02/10/2019 21:52

Sorry OP but you’re not being a wuss! Going back to work is hard! But it won’t take long for you to get back into it. Make life easy for yourself, get as much sleep as you can and you’ll be fine Smile

DoctorAllcome · 02/10/2019 21:56

Your stamina will improve. And once you’ve been back while you’ll both get a good routine going.
But make no mistake the early years with children under age 5 are the toughest years. It’s an ultra endurance marathon. You and DH will have to figure out how to do relays to give the other a break.
However, time flies when you’re busy...so it will go quick and then you’ll have a lot of fun years before teenage angst & drama hits.

Fizzypoo · 02/10/2019 21:57

You're not being a wuss. You will be ok after a couple of weeks when your body and mind gets used to it again. Take some energy vitamins (vit c and zinc) even if they don't work the placebo effect might.

DoubleFunMum · 02/10/2019 21:59

Wow, I always found being at home with babies and running a home much harder work than actual work! I still go to work for a rest. They are 6!

DoctorAllcome · 02/10/2019 22:03

I think it depends on your career field tbh. Some jobs are more stressful and demanding than being a SAHP and some jobs are less stressful and demanding than being a SAHP. So the way OP feels and you feel are both valid.

BluePheasant · 02/10/2019 22:05

Don't worry OP, pretty soon you'll feel like being at home with a toddler is harder than going to work for the day and you'll skipping off to work with a spring in your step 😆
Am currently in the thick of it with both parents working long hours, a lively toddler with superhuman strength and a 6 year old with an increasingly full schedule of activities and social events Hmm. Quite frankly, life feels fucking grueling at times and, whilst I don't want to wish these years away, I also dream of things getting a bit less exhausting and a bit more time to relax!

Cornettoninja · 02/10/2019 22:23

Is it very recent that you’ve recovered from the meningitis? If you work in a large enough organisation to have occupational health I think you should be talking to them and seeing if you need a phased return.

I think you should ignore the fact you’ve been on maternity and treat yourself like you’ve been seriously ill.

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 02/10/2019 22:35

Yeah, it was recent that I had viral meningitis and it was bad enough that I was in hospital for almost a week - but when I started getting better I got well again really quickly, so I don't know if it's that!

And to be honest, DD is a dream - she is so good and sleeps really well! So I've got no excuse to be this wiped out.

I've basically been seconded to a slightly different role because of the B-word... and today was busy, lots of different meetings and I had to hit the ground running.

It's like the weirdest mix of mental and physical tiredness! I'm actually wondering if I'll be able to physically get out of bed tomorrow - but at the same time, my mind feels so tired, like it's forgotten how to think properly.

As this rambling and incoherent post shows!

OP posts:
Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 03/10/2019 00:49

And now I'm so tired that I actually can't sleep - crazy!

OP posts:
Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 03/10/2019 04:58

And DD has chosen tonight of all nights to make sleep impossible anyway - today is going to be a killer! (Massive self-pity, haha.)

OP posts:
LoreleiRock · 03/10/2019 05:03

My first in my twenties: I could have gone from her; to a club; to work and felt fine. In my forties not so much. It takes me a good few weeks to readjust after summer.

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 03/10/2019 05:06

Ha, I'm 28 - so I must just be a bit feeble! Wink

OP posts:
Starface · 03/10/2019 05:16

It is exhausting. Give it 3 months and it will be easier as you get your routine and many things become more automatic. And you get used to a new role, which is also knackering. It's your first day. You are all adjusting, especially your child who cannot rationalise any of this, they just have to handle the change. Maybe tonight they need reassurance you are there and it's all ok.

I have had some horrible days and weeks since working with kids. I'm onto my third child and going back to work soon. It's hard but cut yourself some slack. Easy meals/main meal at work, get a cleaner. I love my dishwasher and tumble dryer. Marginal gains snowball to make life easier. I have also had to accept myself as good enough at work, not as sharp and dynamic as previously. But I am good enough. We manage. So can you.

Tilltheendoftheline · 03/10/2019 05:19

Your other half need to be doing as much he can at night for this next few weeks while he is off. I appreciate if you are BF he cant do it all.

But honestly, going back is exhausting. It gets better though.

If dp is destroying the kitchen, let him get in with it. Great when you get in and spend some time with your child. He can clean it up, or clean it up together

Give yourself a bit if slack for a bit Flowers

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 03/10/2019 05:26

Thank you for the support and practical advice! My DP is great with DD and actually generally pretty on top of things (even if cooking is not his forte!). So I'm not, like, worrying about them coping without me. I do feel horrible about not seeing DD all day though, especially since it's only a couple of weeks since I was in hospital and not allowed to see her at all! I'm kind of irrationally afraid that she will forget who I am!

OP posts:
Blueoasis · 03/10/2019 05:56

Mental tiredness is worse than physical tiredness because it wipes your mind and your body out at the same time. And you get that from working, depending on the job. I get it at work a lot when it's fast paced and there's a ton of information flying in. Just collapse at the end of the day on the sofa, a few times I've come home and had a nap before doing anything else.

It will get easier though the more you do it.

EmilyBishopmyconfession · 03/10/2019 06:08

It's probably the aftermath of the viral meningitis- maybe your body hasn't quite recovered completely yet? Agree with PP it might be worth asking about a phased return to work.

Rest as much as is possible, and be kind to yourself. Ask your DP/ relatives/ work for as much help as you need- the last thing anyone needs is you getting Post-Viral Fatigue Syndrome.

hopefulhalf · 03/10/2019 06:16

You will get used to it. Might take 6 months thhough and this time of year is the worst. I should imagine any job with B implications would be pretty mad right now.

Broken11Girl · 03/10/2019 06:21

Ok - you only left hospital a couple of weeks ago with viral meningitis?
It's that. You can feel 'ok' but still be drained for weeks. Post-viral fatigue is a thing. I'd go to your GP and discuss getting signed off for a bit longer tbh.

MariusJosipovic · 03/10/2019 06:25

I hope you recover from the meningitis soon. That sounds awful.

I have to say my experience is the exact opposite. After a day at home with 2 small children I am like a zombie, just about still on my feet but ready to drop. I find it physically and mentally very draining.

I work part time and my days are work are almost like a day off for me Blush they are SO easy in comparison. I get home after 12 hours out of the house at work and feel as fresh as when I left it.... Might be different if I was full time?

Hopefully once you recover fully it will all become much easier.

Missingsandraohingreys · 03/10/2019 06:25

A London job with a commute IS hard
As not only do we do longer hours Sad you have that shit journey either side

Not saying that other cities have it easy but there is a particular brutality to the tube

Onwards . It’s hard

MollyButton · 03/10/2019 06:32

When my husband had Viral meningitis, after a week or so he felt he should be up to going back to work in London. Instead I made him walk into our local town for a coffee - and it wiped him out. He ended up having about a month off work, and still felt the effects after he went back to work (and his colleagues at a US Bank were surprised he went back so fast).
And my husband hadn't also recently given birth.

Can you possibly do some of your work from home? The commute will be adding to the strain. Do also take little steps to make the commute easier (timings, using a taxi if necessary etc.).

But when you get over the "first day" issues - of all that mental load - it will get better.

Teacher22 · 03/10/2019 06:33

OP viral meningitis sounds horrendous and will take a lot of getting over. You are probably nowhere near up to full strength and yet you are back at work and looking after your family. A full time job and family duties nearly killed me when my DC were young and I was fully fit.

Cut yourself some slack. Can you use the weekend for rest? Could you sleep in and someone else do the chores for you? Or let things slide for a while.

If it is all too much get signed off again for some further R and R.

DonPablo · 03/10/2019 06:39

I remember your thread. I'm not sure you've had long enough to recover! You were seriously ill.

Can you talk to your employer and try and figure something out? A phased return to work? Half days for a couple of weeks. Because you're at risk of being off a lot longer if you don't give yourself chance to recover properly.Flowers

Original poster
NotMyRealName11 · 03/10/2019 06:40

I hope it will get easier! I never used to mind my tube journeys, but I work right in the centre and it does get busy.

Maybe I should ask about phased return? But it seems so feeble! I just feel soooooo exhausted.

OP posts: