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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to have forgotten what hard work working is?!

72 replies

NotMyRealName11 · 02/10/2019 21:50

Back at work today after maternity leave and a recent nasty bout of viral meningitis and oh my God, working feels like hard work! I wonder if I'm feeling it more because of it being the first day back, or if it was always like this and I'd just forgotten?!

By the end of the day I honestly felt like I could have just lain down and slept right where I was! And on the tube on the way home I honestly got quite worried that I was going to pass out with exhaustion!

Got in and my DP (who's taken a few weeks of holiday owing to look after DD) was destroying the kitchen-- attempting to cook and ended up taking over for the greater good...and was so knackered that I couldn't eat a bite!

Now I'm sort of collapsed in a heap and...have to get up and do it all again tomorrow!

Please, tell me that I'm being a total wuss to give me some motivation / the kick up the ass which I clearly need!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

NotMyRealName11 · 03/10/2019 08:18

You're all so nice! Loads of people told me that you should be better after a week with viral meningitis. I thought I was.

I just hate letting people down and wasting their time.

And I'm worried they if I see the doctor, they'll have a go at me about my weight!

OP posts:

MarshaBradyo · 03/10/2019 08:23

Well done to your Dp I’m glad he was there

Don’t worry about misjudging it many do

Pleased you’re not going in and can rest

shearwater · 03/10/2019 08:27

You've been really ill and have a baby. Take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself.

verticality · 03/10/2019 08:29

I've had viral meningitis and I was ill for a month! Don't be hard on yourself.

Can you get some food in to make life easier for a bit? Cook! do really good frozen readymeals and will deliver to your door.

QueSera · 03/10/2019 09:04

I've worked without kids, been a SAHM, and a working parent.
Working without kids was, in hindsight, a dream. Being a SAHM was HARD - but it is no comparison to being a working parent, that is a whole other world of stress, exhaustion, constant juggling, guilt, existential panic etc. YANBU
Try to get into routines; accept any assistance if offered; if you can afford things to help (eg childcare, cleaning service etc); be prepared for the things that can knock your schedule out (such as illness - have a plan in place if any of you get ill and your or DP need to stay home from work); create a roster of easy quick healthy meals; set up systems to stay organised eg a google calendar shared with your DP, launch pad for having essentials ready when leaving the house in the morning, do as much as you can the night before etc; get really easy-care clothes for work; rest/sleep as much as you can; make sure you're eating healthily; drink enough water; take a multivitamin; just do the 'bare minimum', don't push yourself, let go of perfectionism; it sounds corny but do practice 'self-care' - and let your DP cook!
I'm not sure it ever gets easier, but you get more used to it. Good luck OP, hang in there x

MintyT · 03/10/2019 09:10

Don't worry about your weight at the moment get signed off and get better x

LaserShark · 03/10/2019 09:25

I don’t think the doctor will have a go at you about anything. If you need support gaining or losing weight because you aren’t at a healthy BMI then hopefully they will provide good advice and help but you shouldn’t be told off or feel like it’s your fault you have become ill. Viral meningitis isn’t caused by being underweight or overweight; you haven’t brought this on yourself.

Cornettoninja · 03/10/2019 09:29

You probably do feel better in comparison to how you did but don’t underestimate the toll being so ill (especially following pregnancy, it can take a good year or so to fully recover from that alone) has taken on your resources. There’s a lot of unseen processes going on that you won’t necessarily be aware of.

Ask if your GP will check your bloods for vitamins, minerals etc so you know what you need to concentrate on in that respect (low iron is the most common thing but can make you feel utterly exhausted) because in theory it’s the easiest thing for you to do something about.

Are they concerned about you being overweight or underweight? If you’re underweight then ask for help and see if they can provide/recommend nutritional drink supplements for a bit. If you’re overweight just smile and nod - you can tackle that when you can keep your eyes open in the evening!

Aurignacian · 03/10/2019 09:32

I’ve had viral meningitis and it took me a year to fully recover. I worked half days for a few months. If I did too much the exhaustion would suddenly hit and wipe me out and I would get horrendous headaches. A phased return sounds like a good idea.

Original poster

NotMyRealName11 · 03/10/2019 11:09

Thank you - I'm sorry about everyone else's hard times, but it is a relief to know that it is not just me who finds it difficult!

I was so tired once I went back to bed that I couldn't even move!

About the weight issue, I'm worried about underweight - in fact, I know that I am! I always have been a bit skinny but I had a difficult pregnancy with bad morning sickness, so I never had that much "baby weight" and then I lost a load of weight when I had meningitis. So I think my BMI is currently something crazy low like 14.2 or so! Will ask about the drinks at the doctor later (I had them when I was in hospital already, so I kind of know what to expect).

OP posts:

LaserShark · 03/10/2019 12:51

Why on earth did you go back to work so soon after viral meningitis with a BMI of 14.2? What were you thinking??!?!

Cornettoninja · 03/10/2019 14:11

@NotMyRealName11, honestly let them help you with your weight (at least they won’t be pointing you in the direction of the gym!), while I doubt your malnourished in the way you would traditionally think of it I bet that your body could really use a restock of reserves. A dietician review could be really helpful to identify small things that would make a big difference so it’s manageable for you.

Have you ever come across the first rule of first aid/saving people? You have to make sure you’re safe before you help anyone else. Apply that to your own life, you’re no good to anyone dragging yourself by your nails through everyday. Everyone deserves better than that.

I kind of want to make you chicken soup and dumplings!

Original poster

NotMyRealName11 · 03/10/2019 16:35

Yeah, it maybe wasn't a totally smart idea. The doctor was cross! She said absolutely no work for a week and we can review the situation next Friday. And she ordered a bucket load of blood tests, so hopefully it will be spotted if anything is out of kilter.

She did go on a bit about the weight thing ("this is REALLY severe, like really, REALLY severe" she said!) but I am going to do the nutrition shakes and hopefully that will help. And DP is cooking, which basically means we'll be eating bagels with cream cheese and pizza for a week (not together!).

Thanks for all the advice and kind words x

OP posts:

FromSussexWithLove · 03/10/2019 16:45

OP I had viral meningitis and was told approx. 7 days to feeling well too.

After being wiped out and still sleeping all day a month in I asked my doctor why I wasn't better. He laughed and said it would be more like 6 months till I felt normal. He was right, although two years on and I've never regained the energy levels I had. Be kind to yourself and don't rush it. I was off work for 2 1/2 months and then phased for 2 weeks on half days. It was still hard.

Sunshinegirl82 · 03/10/2019 18:16

OP I'm conscious that you're sensitive about the weight issue so I really do mean this kindly but a BMI of 14.2 really is exceptionally low and well beyond a bit skinny even taking into account the fact that you haven't been well.

Why do you think your weight is so low? Is it that you are not eating enough (either intentionally or unintentionally) or is there some physical reason why you find it difficult to put on weight (like an overactive thyroid).

I know it can feel as though the doctors are having a go (I feel the same although my issue is the opposite with a BMI that's too high!) but it sounds as though you do need some support to address the weight issue so I'd encourage you to engage with them in that.

Original poster

NotMyRealName11 · 04/10/2019 14:20

I don't really know! My pre-pregnancy weight was about 47 kilos, but I lost a bit in the first trimester because of morning sickness. And when I was ill I lost quite a lot (now about 41 kilos or just under, my height is 168cm). But generally I think I eat well and I don't have any issue with thyroid or anything like that. I just can't ever seem to put on more weight!

OP posts:

Cornettoninja · 04/10/2019 16:11

Pizza and bagels sound like what you need

Did you ask about a dietician referral? They can be so helpful, especially with putting on weight as there’s not quite as much information freely available about doing that healthily.

Nuts are a really good source of nourishment and surprisingly high in fat as I found out when I thought I was being healthy! I could murder a bag of honey roasted cashews right now!

Sunshinegirl82 · 04/10/2019 19:36

I agree a referral to a dietitian would be a good idea. Maybe also try keeping a food diary for a couple of weeks? You can then share that with the GP/dietitian

DonPablo · 04/10/2019 20:02

Pleased you're off wotk properly. There is a shot of the calorie drinks you can get. Cal Shot. Like a boost of calories in a tiny shot. Worth asking about?

You need to listen to your body dude. You weren't sure about how poorly you were in the beginning and again just now. Tune in, listen up and do what you've gotta do. I really hope you're on the mend soon.

Original poster

NotMyRealName11 · 04/10/2019 23:31

Thank you I will ask about the possibility of a dietitian referral, it seems like a good idea. And the food diary too. I know that I shouldn't be so underweight, but I just don't really know what to do about it.

OP posts:

lightlypoached · 05/10/2019 07:36

@NotMyRealName11 I was at a really low weight once after a serious illness. The dr sent me to a nuitritionist.

Essentially it took ages to get back to a healthy weight, but key was to eat lots of calories and snack a lot. Eggs or beans on toast (with butter) for breakfast. Tea and biscuits /banana mid morning, lunch with baked spud and cheese /salad or bowl of pasta, then afternoon snack (digestive biscuits -own brand don't have evil animal fat - are excellent) then protein, potatoes/rice and 3 veg for dinner. Pies and gravy and sauces are good to add on a few calories. Pudding like tinned rice pudding with tinned fruit is also good, quick and very little effort. When I got into the swing of it I was eating about 3000 calories a day (on steroids so I was always hungry, which helped). It still took months as you want the weight gain to be steady and not junk-filled. And if you are anaemic drink a big glass of fresh otrange juice with your high-iron meals as it helps the body to,absorb the iron. And talking of drinking, have a glass of water after food - water fills your stomach and stops you eating no the quantity of food you need.

Good news that they are doing blood tests. Look after yourself,and accept help!

Walkaround · 05/10/2019 15:03

Blimey, NotMyRealName11, you were significantly underweight even before your pregnancy. I think a referral to a dietician is a good idea - it sounds like you might need advice on long term changes to your diet, rather than a quick fix. I hope you're feeling better, soon.

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