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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to have forgotten what hard work working is?!

72 replies

NotMyRealName11 · 02/10/2019 21:50

Back at work today after maternity leave and a recent nasty bout of viral meningitis and oh my God, working feels like hard work! I wonder if I'm feeling it more because of it being the first day back, or if it was always like this and I'd just forgotten?!

By the end of the day I honestly felt like I could have just lain down and slept right where I was! And on the tube on the way home I honestly got quite worried that I was going to pass out with exhaustion!

Got in and my DP (who's taken a few weeks of holiday owing to look after DD) was destroying the kitchen-- attempting to cook and ended up taking over for the greater good...and was so knackered that I couldn't eat a bite!

Now I'm sort of collapsed in a heap and...have to get up and do it all again tomorrow!

Please, tell me that I'm being a total wuss to give me some motivation / the kick up the ass which I clearly need!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

NotMyRealName11 · 03/10/2019 06:49

Ah, thank you for all the kind messages! I'm not going to go into too much detail (it's tedious apart from anything else), but a lot of my work is interpreting stats and reports and writing up / delivering summaries, and quite a lot of it is dependent on me actually physically being there.

DP and his family and our friends have been great and I hope today's going to feel easier! I just got scared on the way home yesterday - typical busy tube and I got the worst headache, I honestly thought I was going to faint and had to sit down on the floor. And that would have been a mess!

OP posts:

EmilyBishopmyconfession · 03/10/2019 06:49

Your body is trying to tell you it needs rest for the time being, please take things as slowly as possible until you can be sure you've completely recovered. Otherwise you risk making yourself even more ill.

MollyButton · 03/10/2019 06:55

Does work know about the Viral meningitis? If not tell them - maybe they can provide a rest space in the middle of the day? Or at least a referral to occupational health.
A phased return is far better than you making yourself ill (for you and work).

EmilyBishopmyconfession · 03/10/2019 06:58

You know what "ordinary" tiredness feels like from when you were working before, so if it's worse than that take things very, very easy for now. You can't completely heal if you're pushing yourself harder than your body wants to go.

Andysbestadventure · 03/10/2019 06:58

You need to get your iron levels checked,
b vitamins,
vitamin d levels and thyroid (including anti thyroid antibodies).

Billballbaggins · 03/10/2019 07:04

In the past year you’ve grown a baby in your body, given birth, been looking after a baby and had viral meningitis?! Jesus, no wonder you’re finding it so tiring, you’ve been through so much! Perhaps you’ve not quite recovered from meningitis (obviously you’re well now thankfully but it can take ages to feel good after a serious illness). Personally I’d say to take it easier if you can - a bit more time off to recover from the virus, or maybe a longer transition period back into work.

Toastymash · 03/10/2019 07:15

Bloody hell, your body has been through it lately! Absolutely talk about to your employer about more time off or a phased return to work.

Tentativesteps133 · 03/10/2019 07:16

OP working full time with a commute with a baby to look after is exhausting. That's without a recovery from meningitis on top. If you do carry on with work (I'd consider getting signed off/phased return) you need to lower your expectations for a while so you do nothing but go to work and rest. DH needs to try and have dinner sorted by the time you get back so you aren't returning to chaos (slow cooked/weekend batch cooking can help), get a cleaner if you don't and can afford it, no big events at the weekend. When I went back after mat leave I planned the first month out with military precision before I went back - 4 week meal plan & online shops, cleared the weekends, even planned my outfits. Just to make sure my mind and body were clear to focus on the readjust. Good luck, look after yourself and keep your mind on your next break.

MintyT · 03/10/2019 07:19

Really you need to be signed off work for a month and do a phased return you have been very poorly, and if you was working and the off sick with meningitis no one would expect you back so soon

LaserShark · 03/10/2019 07:23

You need to not be getting up at night with the baby at all. Your body won’t recover without sleep. See the doctor. If you try to push through this, you could end up a lot more ill and ultimately take longer to recover. If your partner destroys the kitchen cooking so what? He can sort it. He will get better with practice. There are long term complications attached to post-viral fatigue and you don’t want to end up making yourself even worse. That would be ridiculous. I remember your previous thread and you sound like quite a people-pleaser. You’ve gone back to full time work very quickly after a severe illness and are taking on cooking and night time wake ups - there is no good reason for this. You can’t take care of everyone else unless you look after yourself first.

Pharlapwasthebest · 03/10/2019 07:27

Op. I know someone who and viral meningitis and she was wiped for a while. Be kind to yourself, and make some shortcuts. It won’t hurt to buy ready meals, have a cleaner, let’s the ironing go whilst you recover fully.

Yerroblemom1923 · 03/10/2019 07:27

Tbf work just doesn't have the same appeal once you've had a baby. I totally lost my work mojo after returning from mat leave, went back PT but my lack of interest coupled with the apparent dislike of part-timers from management meant I left after a year. It was a pretty reckless thing to do at the time but it's worked out for the best long-term. I now have a job that works around my family, rather than the other way round.

TheMustressMhor · 03/10/2019 07:33

I posted on your last thread and told you about my DD who had meningitis. She wasn't capable of anything much for six months after she came out of hospital. I think you've under-estimated the impact it has on you.

Deathraystare · 03/10/2019 07:33

It has been a huge shock to your system! Having a baby AND meningitis. Bloody Hell!

I hope your employer will understand if you want to phase yourself back into work (though some just don't 'get it'. See what your doctor says.

MarshaBradyo · 03/10/2019 07:34

Op it sounds like you’re doing too much after being very ill.

Don’t underestimate your body needing to rest and recover completely.

TheMustressMhor · 03/10/2019 07:35

It's probably the journey which is killing you more than anything.

Get signed off for longer. If you don't, you're going to regret it and do yourself no favours from a health point of view.

Sunshinegirl82 · 03/10/2019 07:46

OP if you're the poster I think you are you were quite worried about seeking medical advice when you were ill (with what turned out to be meningitis) because you thought you were just being lazy?

I mean this kindly but you need to listen to your body. It's not laziness to feel ill. If you were so exhausted from work that you nearly collapsed on the way home then you're clearly still not fully recovered.

I think you need to be going to see the GP today and seeing what they say. My guess is that you need more time off and a phased return. Maybe also have a think why you give yourself such a hard time about this stuff? I'm all for soldiering on with a cold or whatever but how you're feeling sounds quite severe. Why are you downplaying that?

Original poster

NotMyRealName11 · 03/10/2019 07:54

Oh, I feel like a bit of an idiot now!

Thx for all the advice, it is so kind of you all. I was getting ready and I went all dizzy and kind of blacked out. DP has basically shoved me back into bed and ordered me to do nothing! He even called work and left a (slightly overdramatic) voicemail and he wants to call the GP surgery so that I can ask about sign off / phased return asap.

My mum had this thing about doctors and my sisters and I were basically never allowed a day off school unless we were half dead! If we ever complained about being sick it was, don't be a drama queen, think of the starving children in Africa (and this in an Italian family where drama was like the order of the day). Maybe I've got some kind of issue. I don't know, I hope not. Oh God, I just feel really upset and awful.

OP posts:

malificent7 · 03/10/2019 07:58

You've just had meningitus...give yourself a break op...oh and ignore the wuss comment!

Sunshinegirl82 · 03/10/2019 08:01

Definitely go to the doctor!

I think you maybe need a bit of a reset on the whole doctor thing. It's important to be able to recognise when you need to seek advice.

Worry about getting better first but I think you need to circle back to this. Maybe even have a bit of counselling?

butterandbread · 03/10/2019 08:02

Oh bless you, OP, you really are too hard on yourself! If it helps for today, look at it this way, your DP didn’t give you a choice, right? So totally not your fault!

No but really, I think you should try and take the menegitis as a lesson in listening to yourself and your body a bit more. Hard after so many years of feeling like you have to soldier on, but you’re not a wuss or lazy for knowing when you need rest or break, honest!

Get yourself to the GP and be kind to yourself! And have your DP waiting on you hand and foot of course 😉

lightlypoached · 03/10/2019 08:03

Back in the old days people used to go to a convalescence home to recoup before getting back into the world. There was a reason for that - full recovery takes ages. So no, you are not being a wuss.

Don't be afraid to ask for a seat on the tube if you need it (it's better and far less inconvenient for everyone than you falling over )

Can you work from home for a couple of days a week or travel outside of rush hour ?

Be kind to yourself. Oh and get a flu jab as soon as your dr allows it - you will be low and more likely to succumb.

Hope you feel better soon

IrenetheQuaint · 03/10/2019 08:05

OP - I am just like you with the insane stoicism so I do understand! But you must give yourself a break. And don't feel bad about doing so!!

Walkaround · 03/10/2019 08:08

NotMyRealName11 - I think you are seriously underestimating the impact viral meningitis has on the body!!! It is not actually normal to be in hospital for a week with a serious viral illness then fully recovered two weeks later. Post viral fatigue is the norm, not the exception.

Yabbers · 03/10/2019 08:15

I found going back really tiring after 14 months, and that’s without viral meningitis!

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