I earn more money than you.

[wingingit987]

My partner earns a lot more money than me but I also only work 3 days a week, and I work my ass off but he would still make more but I had a baby a lot earlier than I would like because he's 10 years older than me, without me there would be no way for him to make that money as there would be no one to look after lb.

I know he makes more money but it all goes in the same pot so why bring it up 🤷‍♀️

I find it really annoying!

Aibu to tell him to shut up.

Why, does he say it a lot? In what context?

Massive red flag and a preview of much worse things to come. That obnoxious statement reeks of the need to control you. How long have you been together? What other shit behaviours does he have, because I'm sure he has some.

He's a knobhead

I bet you look after the baby a lot more than him, don't you?

Invoice him for all the childcare and housework you do, at professional nanny and resident housekeeper rates. Make him pay that amount into your (separate) bank account every month.

Doesn’t make any sense - why is he bringing it up as you are a partnership? Perhaps leave him with your child for two days and see how he copes doing unpaid but more difficult work than he does!

It’s ridiculous that he brings it up!

Why does he feel the need to point it out?

My DH earns 10x more than me (I work 3 days, he works 5). The only time we've ever talked about it was in the context that before ds we earned similar amounts (his went up, mine went down). His only comment was that i was earning less due to looking after ds and changing jobs to suit family life and DH was earning more as I was at home for over 2 years and could help him set up as a consultant.
He's never asked me what I spend any of the joint money on and he's never asked me to put my wages into the pot (although nearly all of his go into joint account).
If he says it again tell him you find it upsetting. If he does it after that then you know how much he values you.

Clear signal that he regards the money he earns as his, and doesn’t appreciate being a “facilitated man”.

In your shoes I would seek to maximise your personal earnings.

Agree, we need to know the context of when he says it.

Though it's very worrying you had a baby earlier than you wanted. Are you saying you were forced into this?

I had a baby a lot earlier than I would like because he's 10 years older than me so hetalked/ cajoled/ bullied you into having a baby you didn't want then expected you to jeopardise your career to look after said child and now likes to remind you how inferior you are to him? Nice. Why are yo u with him?

If you're not married I would be making sure you have the funds to support yourself, because you'd have zero rights or protection.

Whata the context?

He sounds like a knob. But without me there would be no way for him to make that money as there would be no one to look after lb.

This makes no sense. I built my career and was a single parent.

Whatever is going on with working hours and wage, it should be a joint effort and joint decisions. It doesnt matter how much each of you earns, you are a team.

I earn more than dp, means fuck all really.

Invoice him for all the childcare and housework you do, at professional nanny and resident housekeeper rates.

This makes no sense either. OP is looking after hee own child. Theres no professional rate for that. Besides which, if he covers the bills he could claim he is already paying for those services.

You start down this road and it ends well for no one.

@Babdoc

Invoice him for all the childcare and housework you do, at professional nanny and resident housekeeper rates. Make him pay that amount into your (separate) bank account every month

So she has no obligation or responsibility to look after her own child? That's a dangerous road to go down.

Invoicing for half would make a bit more sense, but in turn he could have her pay 50% of all the bills....which I imagine would be a struggle.

Thanks for the replies.

He's honestly not bad it just annoys me as I don't think what either of us earns should be a factor as it's all from one pot.

I think if he says it again I'll say something.

Xx

Why is he saying this though?

my DH used to be a bit like that when DC where little.
I have always been working, but often in less paid jobs but slowly & steadily building a career.
Fast forward 12 years & the table is turned! I earn more (as I have a higher level of education with better job prospects), I work long hours and he is still doing pretty much the same job with 9-5 hours. He is now the main taxi carer for DC, is doing most of the cooking and we share the rest of the house work between us, that includes the DC.
The early years are hard and I sometimes think men only see the hard cash or luck of when it comes to having young DC.

"that's fine dear! I'm glad you earn so much!! there's so many things I would like to buy!!! Let's start with some investments in my name only which I will hide from you so you don't look for them when we get divorced!!!!"

I also don't understand why he says it. Can you provide context?

My soon to be DH earns 4x than I do and he NEVER mentioned it to me.

Excepting if you are independently wealthy, sacrificing your earning potential and pensions contributions to look after a child you have with 'DP'/unmarried partner is never a good idea. Fuck what he says. Protect your own back. Go back work FT and you share out the childcare.

My dh earns a phenominal amount more than I ever could or did. He's never once ever held that against me, or brought it up, or deliberately made an issue out of it. It sounds like your dh is a bit of a nasty one.

power balance/power play

And yes I would question your position

Excepting if you are independently wealthy, sacrificing your earning potential and pensions contributions to look after a child you have with 'DP'/unmarried partner isnevera good idea. Fuck what he says. Protect your own back. Go back work FT and you share out the childcare.

Couldnt agree more with this.

Even if you are married, I still think it's a good idea to not sacrifice these things. Often people become fuckers when divorce is mentioned and find all sorts of ways of screwing you over.

So he wanted you to have his baby and now he is banging on about the fact that you don't bring in enough money? He sounds like a dick. Particularly as he's a lot older than you. Men can father children quite a bit later in life than women can become mothers, so it sounds like he might have been feeding you bullshit about 'needing' to have a baby sooner rather than later, with the aim being to trap you into a disadvantaged position.
Who else in your life has got your back, OP? Do you have a good relationship with your own parents, do you have friends? Or has this man isolated you from support, as well as making suer you are financially dependent?