I earn more money than you.

[wingingit987]

My partner earns a lot more money than me but I also only work 3 days a week, and I work my ass off but he would still make more but I had a baby a lot earlier than I would like because he's 10 years older than me, without me there would be no way for him to make that money as there would be no one to look after lb.

I know he makes more money but it all goes in the same pot so why bring it up 🤷‍♀️

I find it really annoying!

Aibu to tell him to shut up.

I’d never have a baby, or work 3 days a week, without being married.

As posters have said you’re in a very vulnerable position.

He's honestly not bad

Yeah right. He’s a knob. Admit it.

You are mad to put yourself in such a financially precarious position without being married.

So tell him I do more looking after our son than you. I would also point out that if I went back to work full time he would be paying half the nursery fees at about 400 a month each. So maybe he should be a bit more greatful that your doing the most important job of all.

I do hope that this works out in some way.

But

"but I had a baby a lot earlier than I would like" ffs why? It is so easy to prevent children these days and it's your body.

I have had a considerable amount of wine this evening and am even more than ususally upset by MN

@wingingit987

OP even if you are married now unless you divorce and you are 50+ you are expected to go back to work.

In regards to drop offs and pick ups to childcare give him the choice of doing one or the other every day. Then ensure it continues until the child is in the last year of primary school. (Most men tend to prefer the drops offs. ) He can only opt-out if he works shifts otherwise he has to sort something out that doesn't involve you.

If he's an older father why would he want a child never to spend any daily 1:1 time with them?

You need to get back to work full time and pursue your career.

You're making yourself vulnerable.

It's not true to say you're enabling him to work and earn as he does; you can sort childcare.

Invoice him for all the childcare and housework

Every fucking time this comes up. Ok invoice him, but only for his half that you do. Then don't be surprised if he invoices you for your half of the accommodation and utilities bills.

What Loopytiles said - look to maximize your personal earning potential. Especially since you aren’t married. You may have roughly the same spending money each month at the moment but your partner is using his time to build up earning potential that you are not and, I’d guess, a significantly larger pension pot.

I earn more money than you....surely the answer here is I grew a human, I have nothing to prove to you.

It would be a sad life where your earnings were the main way you determined what kind of a person you were. Get yourself out there and make yourself financially independent, you might need to have options.

Marry the bastard.

I wouldn't wait til he brings it up actually as when someone is snapping at you it's not the best time to raise issues.

I'd sit him down and say you have said this a couple of times recently and I've been thinking about it. It makes me feel like you dont value my contribution and dont acknowledge that we are a partnership and I contribute in other ways. Its hurtful. Ask him what he wants you to do. Is he willing to be a bit more flexible at work in terms of drop offs pick ups and days off when your son is sick, and share housework ans cooking more equally and all the mental load etc so that you can increase your hours? Most couples dont earn equally. Offer to sit down and go through finances if things are tight and see where you could make savings.

Another thing: if he's 10 years older than you, I'd expect him to be earning more as he's established in his career! He's being a twat.

Next time he brings it up say "......and your point is what precisely? Do you want me to grovel oh great Lord and Master? Do you want me to say that I'm not worthy of bearing your children and living under your roof?" He's a twat for ever mentioning this. He's also stupid.
Your "worth" financially is far greater than your 3 days a week wages. Presumably you are caring for your DC for the remaining 4 days? He needs to add the value of outsourced childcare to your earnings to really assess your financial value if he's that twatishly fixated on doing so. My DH is a high earner .....he's never raised it and he's done weekend night stints when the DC were babies and I wasn't working. I'm sorry your partner doesn't value motherhood.

As you’re not married you need to let go of the “one pot” idea: it’s dependent on his decisions! In the event of a break up it would be his “pot” and yours.

As PPs have said, sensible to keep WoH, increasing to FT as soon as you can, and working to maximise your earnings. That will likely mean him doing a fair share at home.

I agree with those saying to keep an eye on your own financial position. He's got his back covered financially, do you?

Consider going back FT once your kids are in school. This would also be really valuable in pushing him to do half the childcare and housework too, so he doesn't fall into the habit of assuming that's all your job.