I earn more money than you.

[wingingit987]

My partner earns a lot more money than me but I also only work 3 days a week, and I work my ass off but he would still make more but I had a baby a lot earlier than I would like because he's 10 years older than me, without me there would be no way for him to make that money as there would be no one to look after lb.

I know he makes more money but it all goes in the same pot so why bring it up 🤷‍♀️

I find it really annoying!

Aibu to tell him to shut up.

"I have given up the opportunity to have a career and earn a lot of money, because I am looking after OUR child, and supporting YOU in YOUR career. ... Dickhead."

It probably only comes up when your partner thinks you are spending (both your) money on something they don't agree with.
I've earned lots less than my partner and at time lots more. Swings and roundabouts, its never an issue normally.
There has only ever been friction when the partner earning less decides to make a large family purchase that affects all finances and partner earning more has a problem with it.
Also might be issues when partner earning less has unreasonable personal spending above their contribution over a long period.
Aside from that, the difference would never be mentioned.

@wingingit987

Are you married? If not, you have no legal protection if you split up.

I suggested invoicing him for the childcare and housework to show him what a contribution OP makes, and to point out how much money he saves by having her at home!
OP should also invoice for her own loss of income from having to work part time, in order to facilitate her DH’s career.
How does he think he’d cope as a single parent, if OP walked out, and he had to pay professionals to do what OP does? Too many men don’t factor this into the family budget, and don’t value the domestic contribution of their wives, or appreciate the career sacrifice such women make.
OP, if the twerp doesn’t appreciate you at home, get a full time job and make him pay for a nanny.

I've earned more than my DH our entire lives together - he stayed at home and looked after DSs until they started nursery, funnily enough it has never occurred to me to raise it as an issue because it just isn't. We both work hard it's just that society chooses to reward what i do better than what he does. He loves his job, i'm meh about mine. I spend more from the joint account but he can take what he wants any time he wants - he just doesn't choose to spend much.

Your OH needs telling OP, and telling straight.

We are not married but we have a house together.

He's doesn't usually bring it up but with money being slightly tight these days and bickering is based around the state of the house or money.
He's only said it a couple of times but want to nip it in the bud, before it becomes a thing.

Thank you for all your replies I thought I was being over the top getting annoyed with it.

How does he think he’d cope as a single parent, if OP walked out, and he had to pay professionals to do what OP does?

I managed to build a career and run a household. I only paid for childcare.

This point doesnt make sense.

Ops contribution isnt financial. It's important but not financial. He would return an invoice for food, utilities and rent/mortgage etc. So where does it stop?

I'd find that hard to put up with, being denigrated on a regular basis. You are, as you say, partners. If parity of earning power is so important to him, maybe you can't be together, unless he can shift his views.

Also financially I contribute to bills and mortgage. I still work 27-30 hours a week. My money goes towards bills mortgage and childcare hence I mean it all goes into one pot. Usually we have around the same money as each other for the month and neither has more money than the other one very often as our outgoings are quite high.

It's just annoying making it known when we both know he earns more. I wish I did earn more money.

Be slightly wary if you’re not married because he’s potentially paying a lot of money into a pension scheme that will benefit him at retirement but you will get Fuck all.

I made sure I kept the house (inc. equity) when ex and I split because he’d been accruing a decent pension during the 15 years we were together and we weren’t married.

He clearly doesn’t earn enough if he can’t afford the childcare and housework help that would allow you to return to work.

How old is your child?

Go back to work full time. Build you career, earning potential and pension.

Why arenr you saying what the context if this was?

He clearly doesn’t earn enough if he can’t afford the childcare and housework help that would allow you to return to work.

Where did op say part working was forced on her? I would assume she was part of this decision to do this.

He’s being an idiot. Find out how much childcare and cleaning costs in your area and let him know just how much your sacrifice is saving your family on weekly or monthly basis. Cheeky swine that he is. You’re only working about approx 7 hours less than a regular full time desk job so what’s his problem. Bet you do the majority of everything at home too. He probably doesn’t even know what all you do and couldn’t do it if he tried. Get him told OP. You deserve more appreciation than you’re getting.

He doesn’t appreciate your role looking after your child. If he doesn’t consider your family life a joint endeavour where child-raising, housework and earning money are all necessities of your joint life and are shared, then maybe he thinks you are part time for fun? It sounds like he really wanted a child. Perhaps suggest invoicing him for your loss of earnings both from maternity leave, impact on career progression and actual pro-rata loss from full time - that is what having a child has cost you. What has it cost him if he continues his career as before?

Well, if you wish you earned more money, what's stopping you? Go back to work full time/look for another job/think about how you can progress your career.

unless you cant count..whys he mentioned it.ever?

So when you say ‘You earn more money than me because I’ve taken time out of the workplace to have your child’ - what does he say?

If I were you I'd go back to work full time.

You aren't married and even if you were if you split up you would be expected to support yourself.

Go back to work FT, build your career and ensure he pays his fair share of the childcare.

This is a very useful heads up.

Either go back to work, or start training. Make sure you build that career.

He doesn't 'bring more than you' to the pot, it's supposed to be a team - but by God are you sacrificing more than him when it comes to security for the future.

I'll bet your DC has his surname...

I'd go full time and work 5 full days. Would that work financially in terms of covering full time childcare costs? Could he do either drop off or pick up some of the time?

without me there would be no way for him to make that money as there would be no one to look after lb.

Does he earn enough to pay a nanny?

Unless you're struggling financially because you're not working FT, it's a moot point. I've been married for 20 years and our financial contributions have varied enormously over the years-everything from earning about the same to me supporting him through graduate school to him earning multiple X my salary while I'm part-time. It's not an issue between us, we're a team. Tell him to stop being a moron, you'll still be earning when he's retired!

But, as PP's have said, I've always had my own assets in case something happens down the line.

He's only said it a couple of times but want to nip it in the bud, before it becomes a thing.

You nip it in the bud by going back to work FT and stop sacrificing your career and pension so he can earn more money. Matters for nowt that you have a house together, you have zippo legal protection if you split and no entitlement to his pension and will be expected to support yourself entirely.

It's the worst financial decision you can make, to cut back hours and earnings, earning potential and pension contributions so an unmarried 'partner' can increase all of his whilst you're sat at home with the child.

They need to teach this in school to women because not a week goes by on MN without the ol' 'DP' left me and now I'm 50 and have sub-par pension, what can I do?