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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I admire this teacher for searing honesty or AIBU to be peeved?

92 replies

minisnowballs · 02/10/2019 15:55

DD1 is in Y8. Loved her first tutor at her big girls' school. She left halfway through last year. Got a new one. He left too. The class has a few interesting characters in it who have constantly made it hard to learn. Incessant detentions seem to make little difference.

Roll on to this year and we're invited to an evening to meet new tutors. DD1 has said is unimpressed with new one as she doesn't do anything with them (literally just leaves them to read or chat). She's had a few typical Y8 girls issues but doesn't want to say anything as doesn't think teacher can cope with it.

I walk up to meet new tutor. I say Hi 'I'm snowballs' Mum'.She replies "I'm sorry, I don't really know who your daughter is. The class is very boisterous and I don't have time to get to know the quiet ones who hang around the radiators'.

Now that's honest, and I get that she's got a difficult tutor group. But surely the school should have dealt with this by now, or given her some help when she's struggling? Also, I really wouldn't have described my DD as quiet - she's not rude, but she's pretty tenacious when she wants something and a keen debater. If she's not talking, it's because she's being given no opportunity to do so (and has also been sandwiched between the worst of the girls who are so 'boisterous').

AIBU to be pissed off? It's a large girls' comprehensive, if that's helpful to know. Oversubscribed. Good reputation. School prides itself on behaviour management.

OP posts:

Faffandahalf · 02/10/2019 19:51

Sorry onemorecakeplease.
You’ve been at a school for 2 days and have seen your form for 15 min each of those days?
So in 30 minutes you knew all their names and ‘quirks’?

SunMoonRainShine · 02/10/2019 19:54

When I was at school tutor group was only about 20 mins a day and not a huge deal, is it still like that? If so she probably hasn't had much time to meet the kids one on one yet... But should have put it more tactfully!

Faffandahalf · 02/10/2019 19:55

manic. I think some people do just have a better knack for names and faces. I’m afraid I’m a bit like your colleague.
I will know the kids. I will know their work. I will talk to them and support them but sometimes their names just drop out of my head
I also seem to be getting worse with age 😂

ChloeDecker · 02/10/2019 21:00

10 - 20 minutes per day with form groups. At our school they have 30 minutes per day,

Sadly, this isn’t quite rare. I can see how this would have value.

Should also add that all schools will probably be using SIMS which means that the students photos will be very easily accessible.

In most schools now, you would not be allowed to print these off, in case any went missing, due to the GDPR fears (rightly or wrongly). This therefore, wouldn’t help if you were at an evening parent conference with pupils either out of their uniform, not physically sitting in the place that your brain has become used to and lastly, pictures don’t tell you the background of every child. That often takes time to gather/talk to other teachers. Not a brand new teacher who has just taken over the form and probably is still finding out where all the toilets are at the school!

ChloeDecker · 02/10/2019 21:04

I teach 300 children a week across the whole school. I know all their names by the time I've taught each class once and I don't forget them.

Wow, you rock! Very impressed! Curious to know if this also extends to ‘bumping in’ to those same pupils in different parts of the school or say going home? When I don’t have them in my seating plan and it’s only been a week or so into term, I’ll of course recognise them but won’t always know their name. I’m genuinely impressed you have never made a mistake with a someone’s name.

manicinsomniac · 02/10/2019 21:24

Chloe Why thanks - it's a weird but useful gift (good interview/observation party trick!) Yeah, I still know them around school. I teach Performing Arts though so I don't have a seating plan or anything. I can see how it would be easy to tie a name to a space rather than a person and then struggle when the person moves!

I do get children's names wrong though - usually by repeatedly calling them the name of a sibling who could be years older or younger and look nothing like them. No idea why I do it. I know their name but the sibling name just comes out instead.

manicinsomniac · 02/10/2019 21:25

Oh, and I'm terrible with twins!

Missingsandraohingreys · 02/10/2019 21:27

I had a teacher like that , but by the end of year she nominated my son for an award

So Give her a chance , maybe

She was super blunt though !

Missingsandraohingreys · 02/10/2019 21:31

Faffandahalf

I loved your post

LolaSmiles · 02/10/2019 21:55

manicinsomniac
I have some serious envy going on if you have the gift. Some people just have it, but I love how you acknowledge it's something you have/haven't rather than do what some do and act shocked that anyone else might not have it.

I find name learning goes like this for me:

Introductions, seating plan to refer to, lots of using seating plan with photos to ask lots of questions by name
Become familiar with stand out students (good or bad or random observations) eg someone who always offers to hand the books out, someone who always says thank you at the end of a lesson, the chatty ones, the ones who've got cool hair/quirky bags etc.
Get names of all students when they're in the seating plan and in the lesson context
Overlapping with 3, names to faces around the school site but still in uniform
Around the site and at out of school events like concerts, enrichment, parents'eveninfs out of uniform etc.

That process goes hand in hand with developing the positive relationships.

Original poster

minisnowballs · 03/10/2019 08:24

So many thoughts here, thanks. I think I’m so tired of these girls having been an issue for dd for the last year and now having a new tutor who isn’t handling them well is adding to the frustration. ALso deeply frustrated by the constant ‘quiet kids aren’t worth knowing’ rhetoric you get from schools. I’m just deciding whether to put this school first for dd2- who really is quiet- and the management of this class gives me pause.
Thanks for giving me lots to think about- I feel sorry for this tutor- she is obviously struggling. I didn’t even expect her to know much about dd really- more that I expected her not to be so depressed by behaviour that the school should be managing better. Thanks

OP posts:

LavenderAndBeeswax · 03/10/2019 09:27

Manic you might be a "super recogniser" and if you ever tire of teaching you might be able to work for the police!
www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/super-recognisers-used-by-the-police-to-identify-criminals-and-spot-offenders-in-crowds-10324186.html

LavenderAndBeeswax · 03/10/2019 09:31

My younger dd tends to get recognised very quickly as she's the only one in her class with red hair.
Elder dd has brown hair and is quiet. I remember going to a parents' eve in year 7 where i realised afterwards one of the teachers didn't know who she was so wouldn't commit to saying anything. Now i always say their name as i sit down

LavenderAndBeeswax · 03/10/2019 09:32

Although obviously saying the name didn't help in your case op

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/10/2019 17:55

For her to fess up to this after a month shows that she’s given up imo.
Ask for a meeting in a month “when she’s got to know your DD” Sounds like an awful school - no other options?

Thisisnotreallymyname · 03/10/2019 18:23

As an ex teacher that is disgraceful.
I would be furious, especially the crack about “ hanging around the radiators “
Report her to Head.

Emmak789 · 03/10/2019 20:04

You should be peeved, the first thing a tutor should do is get to know the pupils and their names and you should tell them that. Really bad! The teacher could have said it with more tact!

Neeb1 · 03/10/2019 20:49

I am in similar situation and do t even know how to approach it. I think Year 8 is the forgotten year but if your in London than it absolutely essential to build up a base to tackle GCSE and gain attendance to a university because every should be able to make the choice. But if you don’t get 7 or 8 no sixth forms going to take you and be pushed into something technical! Just probably being over the top but...

masterchef98 · 03/10/2019 20:51

I dont think her not knowing your dd well at this stage is an issue but as an ex teacher I do think what she said was very unprofessional. As a pop said, something along the lines of at this early stage I haven't seen any issues with her but due to the nature of the class I havent got to know her nearly as well as I would like to yet. Maybe a sign of a teacher completely out of her depth or who has just had enough of it all?

Chickoletta · 03/10/2019 21:33

I'm a teacher and think this is appalling.

PumpkinPie2016 · 03/10/2019 21:54

I'm a secondary teacher and I think that's awful. I'd be absolutely mortified if by this stage in the term I didn't at least know my form's names!

I have a Y7 form this year who I see for 15 minutes each morning (one morning is assembly). I know them all by name and have done for a few weeks now. I know at least something about them all too.

It sounds to me like there are issues with behaviour in the school which means the teacher is unable to teach/form relationships.

Are there other options locally?

LolaSmiles · 03/10/2019 21:59

masterchef98
I agree. Not being totally confident with names 3/4 weeks in isn't the end of the world.

The way the teacher expressed themselves to a parent on a new tutor evening was at best misguided and at worst makes them look unprofessional.

There's a time and a place for candid humour with parents and it's once you know them and their children.

bigfatmoggy · 03/10/2019 22:10

I think that's shocking! My DTs started Yr 7 this year and we had a meet the tutor event about 3 weeks in. Both knew who my children were - and I would be appalled if they hadn't. Possibly not always by sight if the child is quiet and no trouble, after such a short time - but they should know the name and any issues eg is the child H, M or L, any special needs, any health issues, any friendship concerns and so on. Our school has a 'seating plan' for all lessons so the teacher can see that info straight away - presumably class tutors have something similar. But to admit she had no clue is so unprofessional - how can you discuss your DDs situation if the tutor doesn't know who she is? I would definitely complain to the school!

caringcarer · 03/10/2019 23:42

I taught for many years and had tutor groups every year as well as 7 or 8 teaching groups. I learned all of the names of my tutor group in first two weeks. We played the name game 1 am A and I have a cat, I an B and I like football and she is A and has a cat, I am C and have a sister, that is B who likes football and that is A with a cat. etc every day until I knew all of their names and something about them. It took 10 mins each day. The students appreciated it and built good relationships with me. If a teacher can't be bothered it is a massive red flag. I also found by learning their names and something about them it improved their behaviour in class and when on break duty.

Dumplings4dinner · 04/10/2019 00:01

Yanbu

And I would be very concerned about the school management and poor teacher morale impacting on students. A good reputation does not last forever.

The phrasing was not just blunt it is very negative and dismissive of your daughter.

I would be considering other options for your dd2 before she starts secondary as well as dd1 if there are any? Can you move her now?

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