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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not wish to be spoken to in that way?

75 replies

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:07

My 4 year son came out of p1 today and when i went to collect him from his line his teacher stopped me to say his jumper was conpletely soaken and they had to remove it from him. I was taken aback and surprised because i had dressed him my self this morning as he has suspected autism and dressing for school can present a challenge. I explained that it couldnt have been soaken as i dressed him and it was bone dry and his daddy put his coat on and he also said it was bone dry. She started to cut me off and started spekaing to me as if i was a misbehaved 3 year old and said no it was, it was so wet it seemed like i had taken it from the washing machine and put it straight on him this morning. When i preceded to explain that it physically couldnt be she again said no it definitely was soaken through and they had tried to dry it and then put it in his back. she also 'kindly' said that his tie wasnt his had someone elses name on it so they took it off him and dont know where his is. I said okay and she then left and went to other parents while i had to rush to the other side of the school to collect my 7 year old son who had just finished for the day.

i was humiliated and made to feel like i was a terrible parent who sends their children to school is not just wet but soaken clothes that they have to removed. i was spoken to like a child and i really didnt appreciate it.
i firmly believe that manners and politeness cost nothing and you always show respect to someone. its the way i was raised and how inraise my children.

AIBU to be upset at being spoken to like this and have her insinuate such things like that about me?

OP posts:

Rivkka · 02/10/2019 15:09

How odd. How could it have got wet?

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:13

thats what i asked.
i asked if maybe he spilt water on it in school and she was 100% insisting it was before he came into school that it had gotten wet...

OP posts:

Ponoka7 · 02/10/2019 15:14

So did either of you check the tie?

You've already spoken to your DP about this?

I'd want to get to the bottom of this.

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:15

last week she conplained that i gave him far too much for his snack and lunch and it was full of sugar. i tried to explain with his austim he is a very picky eater at the best of time and i send him in with a few things to make sure he isnt hungry and that he doesnt always eat them all... she wouldnt listen.
she said 2 pancakes a biscuit and two yoghurts were full of sugar and far to much for break and lunch.. tried to explain i never sent him innwith yoghurts though

OP posts:

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:17

yes we put the tie on this morning, was only his name on the tag.
yes phoned him once i was home and he was as confused and annoyed as myself.

i really do i dont know if its because im considered a young mum that she feels she can belittle me and disagree about everything lol

OP posts:

CripsSandwiches · 02/10/2019 15:17

Did he perhaps end up swapping clothes with someone else? It does sound very odd and I'd feel embarrassed by being spoken to like that too. I'm not sure I'd do anything about it - perhaps you could write an email saying it wasn't wet when he went it so if it happens again could she please keep an eye on him to try and find out how he's getting it soaked.

Windydaysuponus · 02/10/2019 15:18

Sounds like she is mixing him up with another dc imo.

ElizaDee · 02/10/2019 15:19

If his jumper was so wet, then surely whatever he had in underneath would be soaked too. What state was that in?

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:19

i never thought to ask if he swapped as she just insisted it was before he came into school.

ive phoned the school to speak to someone, made it clear that i dont want to complain i just would like i little curtesy to be spoken to with respect as i treat her with respect as my sons teacher.

OP posts:

incognito76 · 02/10/2019 15:19

Why do you think she'd have made up a weird lie about your son's jumper being soaking wet? Where was the jumper when you went to collect him? Why would your partner have told you, as he was putting your son's coat on, that his jumper was dry? Surely that wouldn't be something you'd announce as it would just be assumed to be the case?

Clearly something happened at some point to get your child's jumper wet.

Chilver · 02/10/2019 15:21

I think she is mixing him up with another child!! With the jumper and lunches it sounds like she has it wrong...

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:21

his jumper in his bag is bone dry and his shirt is also bone dry as if his coat and trousers ect.

i would never dream of sending my children in with soaken clothes.. that would be terrible imo.

she seems to always find a problem which is kinda getting on my nerves as i want my son to enjoy school and not fight every morning not to go. but if she always picks a problem with him how is he supposed to do that?

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 02/10/2019 15:21

Sounds like she is mixing him up with someone else.

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:23

@incognito76
my partner told me when i phoned him to explain what happened.

his jumper isnt even the slightest wet so i dont know if something has happened or she just wanted to complain

OP posts:

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:24

i had washed and dried his uniform the previous night before bed as he had gotten mud all over his trousers and coat ao i knew 100% they werent wet.

OP posts:

WhatTiggersDoBest · 02/10/2019 15:31

This sounds really stressful for a DC with autism to have his clothes messed around with. If the jumper was soaked when he put it on, surely his shirt, tie and vest would be, too? I feel like the teacher must be either confused, as PP have said, or she's fond of drama (it happens).
Was his jumper actually wet when you pulled it out of his bag? Did she at least put it in a carrier bag to stop his other stuff getting wet?

WhatTiggersDoBest · 02/10/2019 15:32

Sorry X post about the jumper being dry. I'd complain higher up eg to the head because this teacher might raise this as safeguarding if she's fond of drama. Also she shouldn't be messing with your son's clothes or stealing his tie (and I don't believe it was someone else's, either).

Jaxhog · 02/10/2019 15:33

Is it possible he's being bullied in some way? In that other boys are messing with his snack box and clothing.

Bluntness100 · 02/10/2019 15:37

I'd be more worried about why his jumper was so wet than how I was spoken to to be honest. I don't understand why that's your focus. She's telling you your child came to school in a jumper that was wet like it had just been washed.

32ndofFebtober · 02/10/2019 15:39

Sorry, off topic, but is 'soaken' a dialect word? Genuinely interested, I love obscure dialect!

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:40

@WhatTiggersDoBest my dad had suggested i speak to the head of year as she is making what sounds almost like an allegation regarding putting him in wet clothing on purpose. his 'wet' but actually bone dry jumper was just out into his bag no plastic bag as you would assume with wet clothing. she hasnt mention about any bullying, weve asked on countless occasions about how hes settling and if hes making friends ect and she says she thinks hes doing well in class. i dont think he is being bullied but you never can be 100% my other son plays with him at break and lunch in the playground and says he plays with same people everyday and is having fun. so im hoping thats the way it is :/

he has a classroom assistant who is with him so id hope she would notice if someone is messing with things like that @jaxhog

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Spied · 02/10/2019 15:41

He could have used the bathroom and tap sprayed his jumper or anything.
With the yogurt thing however, I do think maybe it could be that some of his peers are bullying.
I would be making an appointment to sit down and talk about it with her at a time when she won't be rushed.

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:42

@Bluntness100 i understand that and the reason im upset about how i was spoken to is because when i tried to explain how it was impossible for him to have arrived into school from me walking him in to class with a soaken jumper, she cut me off and kept saying it was before he came into school. So i cant exact get a proper explanation from someone who is refusing to acknowledge what im saying can i? and no his jumper wasnt and still isnt wet.

OP posts:

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:44

@Spied exactly! but she refused to acknowledge that it mustve happened in school. so i couldnt really try to get my point across with her which i was annoyed about. ive got parent interviews this month and i intend to have this chat with her to see what exactly is going on with regard to lunches.

OP posts:

IfNot · 02/10/2019 15:44

I think it's "soaking" 32nd

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