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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not wish to be spoken to in that way?

75 replies

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 15:07

My 4 year son came out of p1 today and when i went to collect him from his line his teacher stopped me to say his jumper was conpletely soaken and they had to remove it from him. I was taken aback and surprised because i had dressed him my self this morning as he has suspected autism and dressing for school can present a challenge. I explained that it couldnt have been soaken as i dressed him and it was bone dry and his daddy put his coat on and he also said it was bone dry. She started to cut me off and started spekaing to me as if i was a misbehaved 3 year old and said no it was, it was so wet it seemed like i had taken it from the washing machine and put it straight on him this morning. When i preceded to explain that it physically couldnt be she again said no it definitely was soaken through and they had tried to dry it and then put it in his back. she also 'kindly' said that his tie wasnt his had someone elses name on it so they took it off him and dont know where his is. I said okay and she then left and went to other parents while i had to rush to the other side of the school to collect my 7 year old son who had just finished for the day.

i was humiliated and made to feel like i was a terrible parent who sends their children to school is not just wet but soaken clothes that they have to removed. i was spoken to like a child and i really didnt appreciate it.
i firmly believe that manners and politeness cost nothing and you always show respect to someone. its the way i was raised and how inraise my children.

AIBU to be upset at being spoken to like this and have her insinuate such things like that about me?

OP posts:

MsTSwift · 02/10/2019 16:08

Some teachers have a brusque manner maybe because they spend all day with kids? I got throughly told off by the music teacher for collecting my child early from orchestra the other day just one of those things.

Myriade · 02/10/2019 16:13

@bluntness100, I dont quite garee.
The OP HAS asked all those questions to the teacher and her ds. She tried to uderstand what has happened but has been fobbed off because the teacher was just convinced her ds arrived arrived soaked.
Except he couldnt have
1- because both her and her dh are 100% sure the jumper was dry
2- because her ds would never have accepted to wear said soaked jumper...

which means that
1- she had what you call a normal reaction
2- she is still surprised and annoyed (?) that the teacher dindt believe and treated her like a 3yo

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 16:13

@Lipz funny you talk about the chewing my eldest dds at 7 i think has austims also and he chews is t shirt everyday but my dds at school today doesnt so that 😕 yes she said she felt two petite felou was too much with his lunch but he doesnt like them so he doesnt take them too school so i was pretty confused. he hangs his lunch bag and coat up and goes straight into class and puts his bottle of water right beside the sink which is how i thought maybe his top got wet but she is insistent that its not.

@Brefugee she told me whos tie it was told me she toom it off my son gave it back to the girl and said dont know where his is. my sons have his name on it and if it was mixed up surely someone was missing a tie or there was a spare somewhere?

OP posts:

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 16:14

@Myriade thankyou very much you have it in one!!

OP posts:

Myriade · 02/10/2019 16:15

Someone knows something, these are things he's not doing without anyone seeing him. I'm sure the kids are not left unsupervised. Arrange a meeting asap and find out what is happening.

YY and I think you also need to be more assertive if you want to support your ds. Schools are not always nice place for children with SN/SEN and he needs you to get to the bottom of what is happening there.

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 16:15

@MsTSwift some teachers probably do i know i would lol shes one of those teachers whos attitude is always like that and i find its starting to wear thin now. sorry you had to be on the other end of it too

OP posts:

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 16:18

@Myriade i will definitely be more assertive now that the pennys dropped that she doesnt seem to believe me when i speak to her. i will be questioning at the interviews what exactly is going on and if hes being bullied or somone is messing with his lunches. if hes taking them from someones lunch i want to know or if children are swapping i wanna know.

OP posts:

MsTSwift · 02/10/2019 16:18

I found it quite funny tbh. Have t been told off by a teacher since 1992

Rachelle11 · 02/10/2019 16:19

Did you tell her you didn't send yogurt?

mumwon · 02/10/2019 16:19

do bullet points notes for your meeting & send her - ultra polite - note stating that you think he must of gotten wet after he got into school -although his clothes were dry -& that you realize there are quite a few children in the class perhaps she has confused your child with someone else

Witchend · 02/10/2019 16:20

It's must be the same hobgoblin who wet the holiday cottage cushions in the other thread.

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 16:21

LOL must have brought back memories @MsTSwift 😂

@Rachelle11 yes but she insisted i must have as he was eating them. he only eats toffee spelga yoghurts which took forever to get him to find a yoghurt he liked so im pretty sure he wouldnt have the other yoghurts

OP posts:

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 16:22

@mumwon i shall do thanks for the tip 👍

it wouldnt surpise me @Witchend the worlds ending 😂😂

OP posts:

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 16:23

i positive from the lunch situation is he might be eating another type of yoghurt which im pretty pleased about 😂

OP posts:

Interestedwoman · 02/10/2019 16:40

There's not much wrong with yogurt anyway. It's usually quite healthy actually.

OP, if it was me I'd be speaking to the head, as you don't know how this person is going to act going forward. But that's just me. xx

Myriade · 02/10/2019 16:57

I would also want to talk to the person who is supporting him. If he has a 1-1 then she should have a quite good idea of whats going on, maybe better than the teacher..... It would be interesting to know what the TA has to say anyway.

Because, from what you say, I would also question if he has settled well, what are the isues etc... The fact the teacher is clearly confused about a lot of what he is doing makes me think she might not be reliable when telling you how well things are going.

TriDreigiau · 02/10/2019 16:59

I'd ask for a meeting and have your DP there as well.

I'd go in with the attitude of trying to work together and get to the bottom of what is happening here and is your DS alright or are tricks being played on him.

First as it's two people saying the same thing but also I have had the experience myself of finding a difficult with me teacher being very different with my DH there.

I'd be less worried about the tone of her conversation more what's happening to your DS.

ddl1 · 02/10/2019 17:01

Very odd. The only thing I can think of is: yesterday there were lots of rain showers; could he have been rained on as he got into school? Even so, it wouldn't have got him absolutely soaked during the extremely short distance from the car to school, and it wouldn't be just his jumper.

I can think of scenarios where the jumper could have got soaked while at school, but the teacher seems so determined that he arrived like that.

I would suggest making an arrangement to see her, as pp have suggested. This would also make it clear that you're taking matters seriously: she may be treating you as though you're just making excuses to avoid the issue, and that would make it clear that this is not the case.

How does he seem to like school and the teacher?

BreatheAndFocus · 02/10/2019 17:05

YANBU. The issue here is not so much that she spoke to you in a patronising way (although I can see why that would annoy you) but that she didn’t LISTEN.

I would explain again that the jumper was definitely dry when you sent him to school. Say you are, therefore concerned about what happened to get his jumper wet. Ask about supervision, possible accidents with water, toilets, play-water - eg could he have tried to have a drink and spilt water down his jumper, could someone else purposely or by accident got water on him?

I’d link the yoghurts with this by stating clearly that he doesn’t have those yoghurts and if she’s sure it’s your son eating them, then he must have got them from elsewhere so what supervision is he getting over lunch?

I understand why you’re upset because she seems to be raising problems all the time, but try to focus on the issues and don’t let her attitude distract you from getting answers.

Rivkka · 02/10/2019 17:11

What does your son say about it?

doginthemanger · 02/10/2019 17:58

Rivvka, the OP has already said her son has speech delay and didn't understand when she asked him about the incident.

SaraNade · 02/10/2019 17:58

Sopping? Sopping wet? [vis re soaking etc spelling]

SaraNade · 02/10/2019 18:03

Sounds like it might also be time to make an appointment to speak with his classroom assistant? The assistant may be able to give you a more detailed and accurate idea of what is going on in the classroom at least. Maybe they may agree to come with you to a Principal/teacher meeting with the teacher?

Original poster

insanemumof3 · 02/10/2019 18:05

thats for the views and the points ladies i will make note of them and ask her about it all. my sons wellbeing and happiness in school is the most important thing in my mind and i will get to the bottom of it, hopefully with her support and understanding 👍

OP posts:

SarahNade · 24/10/2019 08:44

How did you go, OP?

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