DS and giving a shit

[coffecupempty]

I'm feeling a little hurt. It's my 40th bday coming up and DS1 22 has asked my to send him ideas. My thought was a nice bracelet keepsake something a bit special that my children have bought me. I've sent him some ideas. Between £100-£135 he could ask his brother (DS2 19) to go halves, chip in. They both work - DS1 has two jobs, this is the thing that hurts, he gambles, he brags about his winnings and is honest with his losses. He gambles more than £150 a month. He has also went on a spending spree yesterday and must of spent over £400 on clothes, which is fine his money can do what he wants. I don't begrudge that at all. Now he says I've picked things that are way too expensive, and he hasn't got any money. He new my bday was coming up he also thinks it's a special bday.

He still lives at home, I cook his meals etc he begrudgingly pays me £100 rent. I hate him gambling and I've expressed my concerns.

AIBU to feel a little hurt ?

Nope.
So time to up his rent.
Stop doing anything for him.
Little snot.

Sorry that should of read

*he knew my birthday was coming up and he also thinks it's NOT a special bday.

Ime being such a selfish twat is a sign he needs to start arranging his new address.
Always time for virtual drinks here op..

Do let us know when the party starts.

Thanks 7yo. He is a bit selfish at times. Which saddens me as my other two DS are totally different.

* windy *
Thanks

My first child is the same i had him like you at 19 (18 maybe for you) he is incredibly selfish,my others are not .I sometimes wonder if i over compensated for being what i thought was 'a young mum' by spoiling him rotten.My mum says i have raised a bit of a selfish sod

Ps 40 is very special and im sure you dont look a day over 30

I think £75 is way too much to expect a 22 and 19yo to give for a birthday! I would have at least given gifts for a range of prices.

Sorry, just seen I misread the price. I still think £50-65 is quite high though.

Thanks Saffy, yes almost 18 for me but there's only a 2yrs and 4 months between my elder two so it's not like he just had me to himself, same upbringing, they're just completely different.

I definitely feel it hats off to those who have young children. I would've been 10 and my sister 8 when my mum was 40. I don't know how she had the energy, I definitely haven't

That’s a very expensive gift for a teenager to put in for

I’d be worried about the gambling too but that’s a separate issue

Yeah I would worry about the gambling too. He needs to take steps to address that. It will become a full blown addiction if it isn’t already.

I would of course appreciate it, but I wouldn't dream of asking my kids for something costing over a hundred quid. I would be more concerned about your DS's gambling problem than how much he spent on me. Sorry but you come across as a bit grabby OP.

It’s his money and he’s an adult. YABU to insist he spends a certain sum on you.

Maybe it is stompy I just went with what they spent on their dad who they see about once a month. They bought him a pair of £120 trainers. I just wanted a nice keepsake that I could wear for years to come that is special to me. It's not really the price really, it's just what I like that's out there at the moment. It's like he has money to throw away when gambling but when it comes to me he doesn't seem bothered. That's what hurts.

I think he's being a bit of a knob to be honest. It was my mums 50th last year. DSis was a 20 year old student, I was 25 at the time. I didn't expect DSis to chip in much as she didn't have much money, we got her a private plate and organised a surprise dinner with all her friends and family. It cost me a pretty penny considering I'm not well off but I saved and it was worth every single one of those pennies.

Stunned that you would ask your kids to buy an expensive gift for you. Even more stunned that your post is moaning about the fact that you won't be getting it rather than being concerned about your sons gambling problem.

Your thread title says it all.

Me and my sister used to club together to buy expensive gifts for our parents when we were in our late teens. We never begrudged it. You can’t and shouldn’t force young adult DC to spend their money on you but it says a lot if they don’t want to. I don’t hold with all this treating them like babies into their 20s. When they’re adults and have incomes they have the same expectations on them as every other adult. Personally I wouldn’t be expecting a special present but I’d probably feel hurt if they didn’t at least put themselves out a bit.

I can see it seems unfair if they spent a lot on their dad. I imagine they are less secure in that relationship, though. I think most young people become less selfish as they get older.

Maybe ask for a piece of jewellery and see what they choose?

He's selfish... are you sure he's not a gambling addict ?
I'd be far more worried about his gambling TBH

I tend to agree with Italianfiat that your priorities seem a little bit screwed up here.

That's a lot of money to spend for 2 18-25 year olds.

Isn't it the thought that counts? It doesn't mean anything if you've specified a value:

It isn't a lot of money for two young men who have jobs FFS.

I think it's sad that he spends so much on himself and thinks his mother is worth so little.

Time for him to think about paying a reasonable rent and for him to stop expecting means cooked and laundry done
Maybe

Well.....

He still lives at home, I cook his meals etc he begrudgingly pays me £100 rent. I hate him gambling and I've expressed my concerns.

you raised him?