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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have lost it with DP over this?

63 replies

Bearintheknow · 01/10/2019 20:30

Been for a run tonight and it’s bloody freezing.
I’ve come back and went to take a shower, boiler has packed in (again) - third time since early September. We’re renting atm, landlord comes over and tinkers with it to get it running...until it breaks again...and basically refuses to accept that we just need a new one.
So, I called landlord, no reply.
DP then suggests I just take a cold shower. It’s been tipping it down here so I’m already freezing and wet.
I try and psych myself up for it but couldn’t do it.
I then ask DP if we can go to the local pool to shower, I don’t particularly want to go alone (can’t say why as it’s outing) and ask him to come. He basically has refused and said it’s really inconvenient for him.
It’s alright for him, he doesn’t shower here since his job is in sport so he showers at work.
So I lost it and said he doesn’t care about my well-being, all the while he’s just sitting on the sofa saying he won’t entertain this argument and looks through me and watches the football...I’m standing there shivering.
AIBU to have wanted some sympathy and maybe an attempt at him helping?

OP posts:
hiddenworlds · 01/10/2019 20:31

Unless you say why you can't go alone it is a pointless question. People can only express an opinion if they have the facts and the key fact here is missing.

Witchinaditch · 01/10/2019 20:33

Just go alone.

Ahundredpercentthatbitch · 01/10/2019 20:33

It sort of depends on the reason why you can’t go to the pool on your own.

I don’t really follow how you can go for a run on your own in the freezing, wet dark but you can’t have a shower at the swimming pool alone.

So, I dunno, without more context I’m kind of on your DP’s side.

Surfskatefamily · 01/10/2019 20:33

I sympathise but I do think yabu to push him to go with you when he said no. I would just have a quick cold rinse off and then get dressing gown on or wrap up warm

HuntIdeas · 01/10/2019 20:33

Impossible to say without knowing why you don’t particularly want to go alone.

RushianDisney · 01/10/2019 20:35

Without knowing why you won't go alone no one can really answer. I wouldn't be too happy to be dragged out of the house when I'd just got in from work and was relaxing.

MrsElizabethShelby · 01/10/2019 20:35

Boil the kettle and have a wash op. You will survive

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2019 20:35

I don’t really follow how you can go for a run on your own in the freezing, wet dark but you can’t have a shower at the swimming pool alone.

I’m with this, sorry.

What’s going on at the gym?

His response suggests arguments happen often?

FelixFelicis6 · 01/10/2019 20:35

Do you have a bath? Boil the kettle and have a shallow bath that can be at least lukewarm?

SquirrelsInJune · 01/10/2019 20:37

I can't say I'd be all that impressed if DH chose to go for a run in the cold and the wet, came home complaining about being cold and wet, and then expected sympathy and to accompany him to a pool. Confused

It's not your DP's fault that the shower isn't working properly. Neither are the weather conditions his fault.

YABU

Teachermaths · 01/10/2019 20:38

Why can't you go alone?

Cherrysoup · 01/10/2019 20:39

It would be kind if he went with you.

You need to tell your ll to fix the boiler or replace, you’re going to be in a bad way come winter. You have the right to heating and hot water, it’s the law when you rent.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 01/10/2019 20:39

OK, boil a kettle, pour it into the sink, dilute with cold and give yourself a strip wash. Dry yourself with a big towel, get into comfy warm clothes and have something to eat.

I'm going to assume (in the absence of any reason to think differently) that your relationship is generally good, and your DP isn't a twat. So just on the info you've given us, it's not reasonable to ask your partner to drive you to the swimming pool for a shower at eight thirty at night.

museumum · 01/10/2019 20:40

Seems a bit unreasonable to be able to go running on your own but not to local leisure centre.

Crunchymum · 01/10/2019 20:40

Another one who doesn't get that you can run alone in the dark / rain but can't go to the gym alone?

Nicknacky · 01/10/2019 20:41

Go shower at a friend/family members house?

DragonMamma · 01/10/2019 20:41

Also can’t understand how you can run alone but not go to the pool alone?

Original poster
Bearintheknow · 01/10/2019 20:43

Hmm, having cooled down...and warmed up I agree I think I have obviously been a dick.

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 01/10/2019 20:43

Yeah. Run in the dark but no gym is odd.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2019 20:44

Glad you’re feeling better. Have you apologised? Not great to be losing it about stuff like this.

welshladywhois40 · 01/10/2019 20:50

Not ideal but have been in a situation where our rented house had hot water issues in January - I used to have a many pan shower and literally stand in the shower using one pan to get wet and wash and one pan to rinse.

We were stuck for 10 days like this and our estate agent gave us a local gym membership but I could never be bothered to trek there with towels etc to shower - it's such a faff

Mrschainsawuk · 01/10/2019 20:50

Boil the kettle and stick pans of water on to fill a bath

Pharlapwasthebest · 01/10/2019 20:50

Op, we all have moments that are not our finest ones, and we’ve all had a little rant when we shouldn’t. Apologise and move on.

Anonanonanonanonanonanonanon · 01/10/2019 20:53

No idea about the reasonableness of not wanting to go to the pool alone - you had your reasons, and as your partner, he should be offering you sympathy and love, not shrugging you off because it's inconvenient. He is BU for looking through you at the football, whilst you were trying to have a conversation with him. (When people (children, husband) do this to me, I just stroll over and switch the TV off.)

AnyFucker · 01/10/2019 20:53

Please can you tell us why you can run alone but not visit the leisure centre for a shower

Are they communal showers ?