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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have lost it with DP over this?

63 replies

Bearintheknow · 01/10/2019 20:30

Been for a run tonight and it’s bloody freezing.
I’ve come back and went to take a shower, boiler has packed in (again) - third time since early September. We’re renting atm, landlord comes over and tinkers with it to get it running...until it breaks again...and basically refuses to accept that we just need a new one.
So, I called landlord, no reply.
DP then suggests I just take a cold shower. It’s been tipping it down here so I’m already freezing and wet.
I try and psych myself up for it but couldn’t do it.
I then ask DP if we can go to the local pool to shower, I don’t particularly want to go alone (can’t say why as it’s outing) and ask him to come. He basically has refused and said it’s really inconvenient for him.
It’s alright for him, he doesn’t shower here since his job is in sport so he showers at work.
So I lost it and said he doesn’t care about my well-being, all the while he’s just sitting on the sofa saying he won’t entertain this argument and looks through me and watches the football...I’m standing there shivering.
AIBU to have wanted some sympathy and maybe an attempt at him helping?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bearintheknow · 01/10/2019 20:54

No excuses for loosing it at such a small thing. I am very stressed about work and being cold/wet didn’t help my mood to find out theboiler had snuffed it but obviously these arnt things in DPs control.
Have apologised and got myself a hot water bottle after taking a 10 second shower to rinse Blush

OP posts:
CampingItUp · 01/10/2019 20:54

Fill bowls of hot water from the kettle and boiled pans, have a nice hot flannel wash, and do hair with a couple of jugfuls.

It is a bit of a pain but you can even heat a couple of inches in the bath with a few kettles. Wash hair with not much shampoo, do a couple of rinses with a jug from the bath water, then rinse in two jugs of heated clean water you have ready, wash all over with shampooey water.

Greenglassteacup · 01/10/2019 20:56

Why do you need to be accompanied when you go to the pool though?

Ullupullu · 01/10/2019 20:59

Have a bath

Croquembou · 01/10/2019 21:00

Hmm, having cooled down...and warmed up I agree I think I have obviously been a dick.

Well done, OP. Always a solid effort to admit you might not be right (and to get out for a run in this trash weather)

incognito76 · 01/10/2019 21:02

You’re being a bit of a baby. Either boil a kettle and have a wash or brave a cold shower for the 30 seconds it will take to rinse the sweat off.

I wouldn’t miss the football to accompany someone to a leisure centre for a shower, either. (I’m typing this during half time.)

Butterflycookie · 01/10/2019 21:03

Boil water in a kettle. Put in a big tub and use a jug to rinse yourself

SquirrelsInJune · 01/10/2019 21:05

I'm glad you're feeling better about things.

I hope the work stress eases soon. Flowers

Hugsgalore · 01/10/2019 21:06

Yeah we still need to know why you won't go to the pool alone.

I think your Dh was a bit of a dick.... IF there is a very valid reason as to why you won't go to the pool alone.

If it were my Dh and say, the pool is full of jobs who intimidate women then my Dh would definitely come with me.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/10/2019 21:07

Regardless of your Aibu, the most important thing is to get the boiler sorted. You are legally entitled to access to heating and hot water. You need to contact the housing department at the council and/or cab for advice. If you can afford it, you could also pay for a solicitors letter. Do you not have an immersion heater?

MaybeitsMaybelline · 01/10/2019 21:08

The problem here is your arse of a LL.
Personally I would have stripped off and had a wash ina few boiled kettles then put some lovely warm pjs on and sat the cat on my knee.

Original poster
Bearintheknow · 01/10/2019 21:09

I can’t give you the full details as to why, which I know is very very annoying and I’m sorry.
Basically I would have to run into a group of people that DP knows and have made me very uncomfortable / been total idiots in the past. So I avoid being alone with them but our paths cross occasionally.
Sorry very cryptic, but yes, avoiding a group of people and would just feel better with an ally there I suppose?
But I accept this is still unreasonable. I’d rather take the cold shower though!

OP posts:
TooMuch87 · 01/10/2019 21:11

YABU. Boil the kettle, have a flannel wash and stop being such a princess.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 01/10/2019 21:14

Can you pester the landlord to install an electric shower if he doesn't want to replace the boiler? At least you could have a hot shower then. We were without hot water and heating for 3 weeks in January several years ago and wasn't fun in minus temperatures, but having an electric shower helped a bit.

timshelthechoice · 01/10/2019 21:16

YABU

BorsetshireBlueBalls · 01/10/2019 21:21

Check your contract. I'm sure the landlord's obligations include maintaining heating and hot water. I'm a landlord, and would expect short shrift from tenants if I didn't sort out such basic services sharpish.

Rachelover60 · 01/10/2019 21:22

I don't know. In the past when I had problems with hot water I boiled up a load, put it in bucket and bowls and diluted with cold, had a jug, stood in the shower and - well - showered manually. Washed hair too and it worked, no one would have known any different. You could also have a good sponge wash with water you've heated.

Sometimes you have to improvise.

Rachelover60 · 01/10/2019 21:23

Your landlord should provide hot water for you, just tinkering with the boiler is not good enough. As someone above said, he could have an electric shower installed, it wouldn't break the bank.

Zaphodsotherhead · 01/10/2019 21:24

I live in a house with no running hot water and an often broken shower.

Best way to have an 'emergency' shower, is to fill the sink in the bathroom with the shower with hot water from a kettle. Get a big bath sponge. Soak up the hot water from the sink, stand in the shower and squeeze the water over yourself.

With a large enough sponge, you can even wash your hair this way too!

Original poster
Bearintheknow · 01/10/2019 21:31

Thanks for all the make do shower suggestions. Was fully being a princess in the moment...tomorrow morning will be a kettle and sponge job!

OP posts:
Hopex3 · 01/10/2019 21:35

why do some people on here literally look for a debate 😂 OP has admitted she was a bit over the top with her reaction, doesnt NEED to clarify now why she didnt want to go to the pool alone as her original question isnt relevant anymore (due to her acknowledging that she was more unreasonable than her partner in the situation) and has already said that she has had a quick shower and is now using a hot water bottle to warm up. yet some people on here choosing to ignore that, calling her a baby and a princess - just totally unnecessary and does make me wonder about every bothering to post on here, some people just out to be nasty, absolutely baffling. and to u op I understand the boiler situation must be so frustrating, we had this exact issue with the landlord last year, eventually ours became dangerous and so had to be replaced. so I would assume the anger at your partner is probably more about the frustration of not having a working boiler. def look further into that as I'm pretty certain as others have said it's illegal to be left without hot water/heating x

ScrambledEggForBrains · 01/10/2019 21:40

Can’t you just put a kettle of boiling water into a washing up bowl, mix cold water to the right temp then get washed over it in the bath! That’s what I had to do when our boiler broke down! Did the job 👍

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 01/10/2019 21:42

Thought for a second you were a sleb, married to a professional athlete (don't want to get spotted at the gym, going in looking a state, dp 'works in sport') , then realised if that was the case you probably wouldn't be renting and if you were it wouldn't be a place with a constantly breaking boiler, and I have an over active imagination.

Boysey45 · 01/10/2019 21:43

The LL needs to get a proper gas plumber out to either sort or replace the boiler tomorrow morning.
I was without hot water for a week until the new boiler arrived and it was a nightmare. I had to go to the swimming pool everyday as I cant stand strip washes with flannels.
If the LL didn't sort it then I wouldn't be paying him anything else until he did.

ScrambledEggForBrains · 01/10/2019 21:43

I Shudda read the thread🤪