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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wife Chucked Out Our Wedding Cards While I Was Away

56 replies

DisgruntledOfWorcester · 01/10/2019 17:45

AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?

I was away with work and she did a massive and long overdue clearout of the whole house which was awesome. But in the process she found a big pile of cards we'd received at our wedding. And she binned them. Without asking me.

I don't think I knew we still had them, or where they were exactly, or what I'd have said if she had asked me. But in a million years I'd never have chucked them without asking her first.

We've had some issues recently so this feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth.

She's like, "but they're just cards with happy wedding day written in them"!

OP posts:
Bloodycats · 01/10/2019 17:47

Hmm, not terrible in the grand scheme of things but if things aren’t going well then I can understand why it’s annoyed you more than usual.

ThomasCookIssues · 01/10/2019 17:47

I wouldn't have been happy with that either.

It's not so much the object but the lack of respect in not checking if you wanted them first.

Aria2015 · 01/10/2019 17:50

I confess I binned mine and didn't ask my dh. If i thought it would bother him I would have asked though. I genuinely binned mine because of clutter but it sounds like you think it might have been a passive aggressive way of your wife expressing that things aren't great between you which isn't nice.

RandomMess · 01/10/2019 17:50

I had to train DH to ask first and it did mean I had to
Commit to sorting through stuff regularly!

merryhouse · 01/10/2019 17:51

I agree that it's an odd thing to do, but if you weren't even aware you still had them then you're obviously not someone who makes a big point of liking to keep this sort of stuff...

... but you know it's not really about the cards, don't you

WarshipWarrior · 01/10/2019 17:52

I wouldn't care. They're just cards. But then I never keep cards! Sounds more like you have bigger issues in your relationship and this is just the straw that broke the camels back for you though

Tilltheendoftheline · 01/10/2019 17:52

A bit annoying but then you didnt even know you still had them, it's a bit of an over reaction.

I am assuming you feel she doesnt want to be married to you, or distancing herself from you and you feel this proves, that she is doing that?

PurpleDaisies · 01/10/2019 17:52

It wouldn’t bother me at all.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 01/10/2019 17:53

I dont know if I'd been annoyed

On the one hand maybe they had sentimental value. I dont know if you have the kinds of friends who write a long and heartfelt letter in a card that you'd look back on at anniversaries etc or just ones that sign their name.

On the other....it wasnt just the wedding cards she chucked. She cleared the whole house. So I dont think it was targeted. And honestly, would you ever have bothered to find them or looked through them? If she hadn't told you would you have ever noticed? If not then it's not really affected you.

I'd say you're probably upset because of the other issues and you should try to let this one go

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 01/10/2019 17:56

Everyone has different attitudes to greetings cards. I tend to get rid of them soon after the occasion as I hate clutter (though probably have wedding cards stashed somewhere in the house) but when we cleared my FILs house recently we found bags and bags of cards for every occasion stored around the house dating back decades! It's likely your DW doesn't have the emotional attachment to cards that you may have. You said yourself that you didn't know you still had them, so it's not like you get them out and look at them fondly every so often. I'm guessing the recent issues you've been having have made you think there's more to her action then there perhaps was.

Venger · 01/10/2019 17:59

They are just cards with "happy wedding day" written in them...

I think you're making more of an issue of this than it actually is and that it's a symptom of the wider issues within your marriage.

Original poster
DisgruntledOfWorcester · 01/10/2019 18:03

Oooh, you lot are very astute. Issue clarified somewhat in my head reading those responses. Thank you.

OP posts:
Icantthinkofanewname87 · 01/10/2019 18:37

I’d not care. No idea where mine are - I probably threw mine out too. I have a habit of getting overwhelmed and binning everything Blush

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 01/10/2019 18:38

Should add - very sentimental DH would probably be upset with me if he ever notices I’ve thrown them out (thankfully I bet he won’t)

WhenDoesTheWashingEnd · 01/10/2019 18:59

I'd have been pretty pissed if my DH had chucked the cards away without talking to me first.

I'm not one to get very sentimental about cards usually but within 3 months of our wedding 2 of the guests had died suddenly, both of whom are greatly missed to this day. Their cards are our final link to them.
They might have mundane "Happy Wedding" in them but I'd be gutted to lose them.

Floralnomad · 01/10/2019 19:02

I’d not care if my dh had done the same , particularly if like yourself I didn’t even know where they were or whether we still had them .

Drogosnextwife · 01/10/2019 19:03

I think cards are completely pointless. The only ones I keep are the ones from my kids. I'm surprised anyone would keep a load of wedding cards anyway.

Fluffycloudland77 · 01/10/2019 19:22

I’ve got every card dh and I sent each other & engagement/wedding cards.

I never look at them & probably won’t unless he dies before me but I like having them.

SunnivaGunne · 01/10/2019 19:28

I wouldn't have asked my DH if I could throw them out as he would have said NOOOO! And so I would be living with yet more unnecessary junk. It's a constant battle to clear stuff out here and he's very sentimental about all sorts of inanimate rubbish. I love him no less because of it though. And hopefully he loves me no less because of my intolerance to clutter.

maddy68 · 01/10/2019 20:55

They are dust collecting cards. I chucked my own business it after a week

Thelistwizard · 01/10/2019 20:57

I don't think I knew we still had them, or where they were exactly
So you didn’t care before but now you’re upset?

AnyFucker · 01/10/2019 21:00

How do you know she binned them ?

Whiskeylover45 · 01/10/2019 21:02

DH likes to keep cards. I don't. So I compromise that if the cards are aimed at him, or jointly hi., we keep them. If they are mine, unless they are from the kids, I chuck. However I will echo PP that it doesnt sound like it's about the cards here, but something else

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 01/10/2019 21:04

If you didn't even know you had them in the first place then YABU.

Sounds like you are picking a fight.

Clangus00 · 01/10/2019 21:06

I’d have been raging. I keep all the cards.
My DH however wouldn’t care less.