Wife Chucked Out Our Wedding Cards While I Was Away

[DisgruntledOfWorcester]

AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?

I was away with work and she did a massive and long overdue clearout of the whole house which was awesome. But in the process she found a big pile of cards we'd received at our wedding. And she binned them. Without asking me.

I don't think I knew we still had them, or where they were exactly, or what I'd have said if she had asked me. But in a million years I'd never have chucked them without asking her first.

We've had some issues recently so this feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth.

She's like, "but they're just cards with happy wedding day written in them"!

How long have you been married?

If you've only been married a year or two, I'd say it was a shame she'd thrown them out. But if the wedding was ten or fifteen years ago then your life has probably moved on a lot since then, so it wouldn't be very important that she'd discarded them.

I think this is a reverse. Don't stress. It means nothing.

@AnyFucker she told me when I got back that she'd found them during the clear out.

@headinhands it's not a reverse.

Since you didn't know you had them or where they were you're being totally unreasonable, but perhaps you should tell your wife they felt symbolic and it felt like a symbolic kick in the teeth. Otherwise she's just going to think you're a controlling ungrateful wanker which I'm sure isn't the case.

I understand you being upset , think I would be too but more because the choice was taken out of my hands ..

The trouble with long overdue clear outs is that you do have to chuck out a load of stuff that technically has sentimental value but is never used and unlikely to ever to be used again.

Once you start thinking that you should check with someone else then you end up with a pile a mile high of “check” stuff and things are not very cleared out at all.

I don’t keep cards. None. They take up way too much space. I used to, but I had boxes of them that I’d never looked at again. Do they all got chucked.

I think we still have some wedding cards but DH wouldn't have a clue about it either way. He certainly wouldn't know where they are kept.

I was away with work and she did a massive and long overdue clearout of the whole house which was awesome.

I think you should stick with this. She did a massive clearout of the whole house???? When was the last time you cleared out the house??

Are you the kind of person who keeps things crap for the sake of it?

If you didn't even remember about your wedding cards, then YANBU.

I’ve kept mine in case the kids want to have a look one day. There’s also one from my Mum who has passed away since, which means a lot to me.
I’ll probably store them for 20yrs to find out the kids could give a s@#t. Oh well.
In your case OP, it’s whether you think it was it was done maliciously.

This is a reverse

I would have been upset too. I'm sure my husband wouldn't worry though. Sometime things like that mean more to one person than the other. I'm sure she didn't do it to upset you.

YANBU. I keep things like that and it would have upset me to lose them. It would have upset me even more to feel that someone didn’t feel I deserved to be involved in the decision to get rid of something just because they didn’t want it any more or it wasn’t important to them. It doesn’t take a lot to realise that something that is irrlelevant to us is important to another, no?

I thought this was a reverse too, with the awesome bit

We have kept our wedding cards and the kids a special ones, to give them when they leave home. One gone, another to go soon, then we'll only have one box left, and of course one child.

I’m not sentimental about cards but I would expect the person I was married to to know if I was or not. Maybe your wife thought you weren’t sentimental, given that you didn’t even know you had them. If you are going to —hoard— be sentimental then you need to get your shit together and know what you are keeping and store it appropriately because waiting for someone else to make a judgment you may not like is a recipe for disaster/mild perturbment

Feels like a reverse to me as well.

I think the difference between OP and those posters who keep cards is that OP didn't even realise they still had cards. Whereas, the posters know they are keeping cards and presumably are looking after them.

I'd honestly be gutted. They're lovely messages from the people we love on the most important date in our relationship.

Completely useless bits of paper which were cluttering up your house. What's more, you didn't even remember you'd got them.

My ex-husband always kept idiotic stuff like cards. And used theatre tickets. And old train tickets.

I mean, WHY? What possible use could they ever have had.

Luckily I divorced him.

I don't think I knew we still had them, or where they were exactly
So you didn’t care before but now you’re upset?
So no answer then ?
Yabu

I wouldn't have minded if my DH threw ours out, however 2 years later and the thought hasn't crossed his mind. He did however throw out DS1's hospital bracelet within days of bringing him home.... x

Depends whether she would normally check such things with you. If so then it's a big fat hint. Otherwise she was just getting rid of the dust collectors.

I'm 100% sure my DH doesn't know whether we have any wedding cards and I wouldn't ask him before chucking them if I felt like it. Plus it's harder to clear stuff if you overthink it

Oh, this is something I might do. Things I've kept because that seems to be what you're supposed to do but that in reality are just clutter and as DH had no part on the keeping of them or knowledge that they'd been kept, I'd assume he's have no interest in the decision to get rid

Massive clearout. Massive overdue awesome clearout. On her own. Focus on that bit.

I have an umilbilical cord in my sock drawer, but I don't know whose it is