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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did he really forget? AIBU help

51 replies

LDN2019 · 30/09/2019 18:55

Please tell me if I’m BU, my partner and I been together nearly 18 months now, we don’t live together but 15 mins away. He popped round last night, on his way out I asked if he would like to come round tomorrow (today) for dinner, I’m making XYZ. He says a ‘yeah yeah’ on his way out. We’ve been texting a bit all day, things like ‘when you come round we can do xyz’ at 3pm I texted him “ I’m in COOP, anything you want?’ He didn’t answer that, but instead asked me a question. At 5pm, I call him asking him where he is, he says he’s at home ‘in the middle of a game’ what’s up?’ I said weren’t you coming round today? I made dinner, he goes ‘ I honestly didn’t know we had plans today’ and then asked me what I’ve made for dinner. I just asked him how can he not have known we had plans when we’ve been talking about it? I then I just ended the conversation and hanged up.

How can he not have known we had plans ater all that texting, asking him if he wants anything from COOP and most importantly him saying yes to coming round? Let’s just say he genuinely didn’t know we had plans today which I don’t understand, why didn’t he just come round at 5pm when I called him? That’s what I would have done, if I forgot and I lived so close to the person. AIBU??

OP posts:
Hauskat · 30/09/2019 18:59

I really don’t think he forgot. I really think that is a bullshit thing to do to someone and I think if you realise you have you make it right immediately (turn up with flowers and compliment the meal until you sound absurd). I wonder if he is seeing what he can get away with? Even if not he isn’t caring enough.

ThisIsAPun · 30/09/2019 19:01

It could be a genuine misunderstanding - he just wasn't listening properly and was in his own world. These mis-communications do happen, even though I understand why you'd feel a bit annoyed making it a 'thing' could be an over-reaction.

Or you're just not a priority for him and he just couldn't be bothered, and ignored your messages rather than say 'nah, I fancy a night to myself...' and YANBU to make it a 'thing'.

Only you know him and your relationship, OP, what's your gut feeling - are things generally going really well in the relationship otherwise?

fatulousatforty · 30/09/2019 19:06

I assume he thought the latest FIFA was more important 🙄

rosegoldivy · 30/09/2019 19:08

If its unlike him and first he's done something like it I would write it off as a misunderstanding. Guys have a tendency to agree or say yes to you even if they weren't totally listening.

My DH will swear blind I haven't told him something even when I have told him 3,432 times in the last week.

Its a guy thing. Try not to be too mad about it. But defo make him feel guilty in a light hearted way.

Orrrrrr...

Maybe it's his way of telling you that your a shite cook. (jooookes lol)

rosegoldivy · 30/09/2019 19:09

@fatulousatforty I've not had a proper conversation with DH since new fifa has come out lol

I have however managed to watch a full box set uninterrupted 😂😂

ShirleyPhallus · 30/09/2019 19:13

If the conversation happened like you said st the start (ie you said it on the way out) then I could see how the confusion would have happened. Also if someone text me to say “what do you want from co-op” and I didn’t think we were seeing each other I’d ignore it too

On its own, it isn’t a big deal. Only you know if it’s long in a line of him acting like a prick though

SherbetSaucer · 30/09/2019 19:18

I think it’s very possible he forgot! My DH is like that! Drives me bonkers!! 😂

Vulpine · 30/09/2019 19:25

In the middle of a game at 5pm. Sounds like a keeper

SherbetSaucer · 30/09/2019 19:30

In the middle of a game at 5pm. Sounds like a keeper

Nothing wrong with gaming!

rosegoldivy · 30/09/2019 19:37

@vulpine what's wrong with being in the middle of a game at 5pm?

Original poster
LDN2019 · 01/10/2019 10:13

I've been texting him since 6pm yesterday, he hasn't even opened my messages even though he's been on WhatsApp last night and this morning Sadmakes me think, do you really think that little of me that you can't even be arsed to open my messages??

OP posts:
candycane222 · 01/10/2019 10:21

I think he is fine with this relationship so long as the effort he has to make is zero and you are prepared to put up with that without complaining.

Just my impression, but that's what it looks like.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/10/2019 10:25

I've been texting him since 6pm yesterday

Woah... just chill out and stop texting him so much! Sounds like you are suffocating him. Take a step back and see if he initiates something.

PullingMySocksUp · 01/10/2019 10:25

How many messages have you sent that he hasn’t opened?

ShirleyPhallus · 01/10/2019 10:29

Have you gone full stalker mode? It was just dinner at home, not proper plans, you’ve overreacted and now pushing him away

lily2403 · 01/10/2019 10:44

He hasn't bothered to even look at your messages, i think its time to stop messaging him and get on with life.

I would say it was set plans whether it was dinner at home that you had went to the effort to buy and prepare or out to a restaurant.

sounds like he didn't want to rather than forget Flowers

tweedledeedo · 01/10/2019 10:51

You hung up on him! He's pissed off. And now you're stalking him.

There are people like this that just don't listen properly or hear you properly, my OH is one of them. It's infuriating. But he's genuinely confused when I tell him something we've already spoken about 50 times Hmm

Wait for him to get in touch and then have a serious talk about where this is going for you both. In person.

justmyview · 01/10/2019 10:58

Strangers on the Internet can't really answer your query. I expect that, deep down, you know whether he forgot, or just couldn't be bothered

NoSauce · 01/10/2019 10:58

Sounds like he’s not arsed OP. Of course he knew he was supposed to come round for dinner. Time to rethink your relationship!

DameFanny · 01/10/2019 11:04

Wow, there's some people on this thread with REALLY low expectations from the men in their lives.

Every time someone says "it's just his way lol" or "it's only cooking dinner but like proper plans" or "new FIFA" you're selling yourselves short, and encouraging these children to keep behaving like children.

OP - just ignore him. If he gets in touch, tell him how rude he's been. If - IF - he's ready to apologise for wasting your time and being so rude then maybe you could give him another chance. Maybe.

AmIThough · 01/10/2019 11:04

Judging by the fact he's now ignoring you, he probably genuinely didn't think you'd made plans then couldn't be bothered with the drama after you hung up on him.

You say he's ignoring your messages - are they just you having a go at him?

He doesn't need to open them if the message shows on his lock screen.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 01/10/2019 11:08

He’s ghosting you. The relationship is over. He just hasn’t said it. Take hold of your dignity and end it first instead of hanging around teasing snippets of responses from him over the next few weeks.

Witchinaditch · 01/10/2019 11:37

Is he insane!? And what sort of game is an adult man ‘just in the middle of’? He sounds like a mans child.

Witchinaditch · 01/10/2019 11:38

a man child*

HugoSpritz · 01/10/2019 11:49

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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