Did he really forget? AIBU help

[LDN2019]

Please tell me if I’m BU, my partner and I been together nearly 18 months now, we don’t live together but 15 mins away. He popped round last night, on his way out I asked if he would like to come round tomorrow (today) for dinner, I’m making XYZ. He says a ‘yeah yeah’ on his way out. We’ve been texting a bit all day, things like ‘when you come round we can do xyz’ at 3pm I texted him “ I’m in COOP, anything you want?’ He didn’t answer that, but instead asked me a question. At 5pm, I call him asking him where he is, he says he’s at home ‘in the middle of a game’ what’s up?’ I said weren’t you coming round today? I made dinner, he goes ‘ I honestly didn’t know we had plans today’ and then asked me what I’ve made for dinner. I just asked him how can he not have known we had plans when we’ve been talking about it? I then I just ended the conversation and hanged up.

How can he not have known we had plans ater all that texting, asking him if he wants anything from COOP and most importantly him saying yes to coming round? Let’s just say he genuinely didn’t know we had plans today which I don’t understand, why didn’t he just come round at 5pm when I called him? That’s what I would have done, if I forgot and I lived so close to the person. AIBU??

He had it in black and white in the texts that the plan was for him to come round. He decided he couldn't be arsed.

On to the next. Hugs xx

Also if someone text me to say “what do you want from co-op” and I didn’t think we were seeing each other I’d ignore it too

Why on earth would you ignore it Shirley?? Surely the most sensible thing to do here would be to respond with "Was that meant for me, have I forgotten something?" Problem solved. ignoring shit is what leads to these irritating situations.

OP sounds like he MIGHT have genuinely forgotten, and then been a total tit about ignoring the Coop message and generally been shitty at communicating up to the point. But flat out not opening your messages is really childish, is he 18?? Stop texting him and spend some time considering if you really even want to be in a relationship with someone who behaves this way. Then take the initiative if the answer is no.

Is he insane!? And what sort of game is an adult man ‘just in the middle of’? He sounds like a mans child.

A computer game? A board game? Every single game you can possibly think of?

She's lucky he answered the phone if he's in the middle of a game, to be fair.

How many messages have you sent him since 6pm last night?

Why on earth would you ignore it Shirley?? Surely the most sensible thing to do here would be to respond with "Was that meant for me, have I forgotten something?" Problem solved. ignoring shit is what leads to these irritating situations.

Well if they were texting me incessantly then it would be easy to miss, but I never respond to messages which are clearly not for me.

Not even to let the sender know that they've sent the message to the wrong person?

He's ghosting you OP.

Keep the food you cooked for him and place it on his head on his next visit.

If the food is freezable, portion it up and have it yourself.

Don’t bother cooking for him again, he doesn’t appreciate it.

As for his gaming do you disapprove? Maybe that’s why he didn’t mention an all day game fest in his pants, mindlessly swallowing pizza.

Nothing wrong with gaming. I had the house to myself last weekend and spent most of it gaming myself.

Only stopped to watch box sets and knit.

It was bliss.

I'm 43 and female
!

Maybe he's got a great job that allows him flexible working hours or he's a shift worker, but i still wouldn't t want a relationship with an avid gamer, let alone an afternoon gamer.

I sent him 3-4 texts, basically saying how he could not have known we had plans etc etc. Still haven't heard from him. I'm so upset and hurt

Yeah he's not going to respond to a barrage of texts telling him he's shit if he genuinely didn't realise you had plans.

Still haven't heard from him. I'm so upset and hurt

I'm sorry you are upset, but honestly you deserve so much better than this!

He's either binned you off and doesn't have the guts to tell you, or he's genuinely flakey. Either way, you are better off knowing now.

Make plans to see girlfriends etc this weekend and do not contact him. You will get past this.

Agh, it does seem to have ballooned into something much bigger. I hope it's resolved today, one way or another.

@AmIThough but is that fair though? If you genuinely didn't realise you had plans with someone, and they cooked for you wouldn't you try to make it better? I'm trying to put myself in his shoes, and that's what I would do. I wouldn't ignore the person when I know they're upset about it.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy thanks, will do. I just feel like this could be easily have been resolved

I wouldn't ignore the person when I know they're upset about it

And that's exactly why he's a dick and you're not. If it was a genuine mistake, he could have apologised and offered to cook for your the next night or whatever. Not just ignored you.

@LDN2019 it's not fair that he didn't try to rectify it straight away, no.

It's not fair to not apologise.

But he's clearly on the defensive now so just leave him to sulk.
If he contacts you in the next couple of days to apologise for his behaviour, it's up to you how to move forward.

Don't chase him though. He's in the wrong, but hounding him isn't going to make it better.

In the middle of a game at 5pm. Sounds like a keeper

Is playing a game only acceptable during specific hours, then?

It could simply be that he misheard you when you invited him round. Talking about doing something when he comes round doesn't necessarily mean "When you come round this evening", nor does asking what he wants from the Co-op.

Unless he has form for this you are possibly overreacting. He’s retreating from your drama by not engaging.

If he’s normally reliable and you get on well surely this is a minor incident?

If he’s not and he’s regularly an idiot then fine, reconsider.

Being so hurt and upset over this does seem a tad much. Irritated and a bit annoyed, yes.

Stop texting and get on with your day.

Something similar happened to me once.

We had a date night planned for Friday night. Being the first date night where a weekend date followed.

On Wednesday (after he had finished his plans going out with a friend) we met up at his house.

After this I confirmed plans for the date night and he was vague. He then said he thought that the day was exchanged.

I said, to be clear, we didn’t exchange any day for another day and that I had kept the date night free. And that meeting up at his house last minute didn’t constitute a ‘date’.

He said he was going to drive to his parents house.

I thought ”is this the hill I want to die on?” And the answer was yes.

I wasn’t angry or confrontational.

It was poor form that he decide to go to his parents without consulting me and then be unapologetic.

I suspected he was seeing someone else at the same time.

My pride was hurt but I also understood why his wife left him and that he would always rush back to his mummy and daddy (he’s 38).

I ended up in hospital that weekend and had emergency surgery.

I never heard from him again.

Some guys are just a-holes.

I sound a bit harsh in my last post but the cliffs notes were - he intended to just stand me up on the weekend date because he couldn’t be bothered seeing me any more and had effectively checked out.

It seems like your guy has checked out without giving you the common courtesy of letting you know what is going on and then making out like you’re being unreasonable.

In my case, I didn’t get the chance to be unreasonable. I was sedated and was on heavy painkillers during the period I was being ghosted.

The whole “what did you cook?” part was an a-hole move on his part.