To think unwell friend is a CF

[cowsoy]

A friend of mine recently fell ill and was bedbound for a few days. During that time she asked me if I could take her DCs to school, get same basic groceries in, etc. I also offered to walk her dog as she was unable. Anyway, I just got back from walking her dog and she was up and about and feeling better. She began making me a cup of tea and starting getting really angry that I had put the dishes back in the wrong place, angrily putting plates back in the cupboard and muttering that it was really annoying that I had done that. I then said to her that I didn’t think it was that serious or anything to get worked up about and she kept angrily putting the dishes away, making a lot of noise in the process. No mention of a thank you for looking out for her. AIBU to think that was ungrateful of her?

Well, telling your friend that your unpleasantness and outright rudeness to them is all their fault for being a doormat is one way to ensure you lose a friend and can never call on them again should you need help. It might be interesting to ask who she plans to ask to take her kids to school and walk the dog next time she gets ill, since it won't be you.

Tbh Op I am a very grateful, polite person but I am a terrible, terrible patient. I don’t know what it is, but I too have had meltdowns like this at people trying to help me. Stress, feeling out of control, feeling sorry for yourself. No excuse, I can’t even tell you why I do it. Out of the patient situation I can’t believe what a lovely and supportive thing it is to do

'If she's generally a decent person, show her some compassion. She's not herself'.

I think the OP has definitely shown her some compassion.

OMG! I had wondered if I was being too harsh; that maybe she was in lots of pain; confused as a result of illness or medication; or very anxious about possible loss of independence. But 'because you're a doormat' - WOW! I'd avoid her for the future.

"Well this doormat is turning into a flying carpet and I'm gone."

Swift exit!

Anyway I brought it up with her and she told me that it's my own fault because I'm a doormat and if I wasn't a doormat she wouldn't talk to me that way.

I know some people love to try and find excuses for awful behaviour.

I tend to just believe it when I see it!

I repeat, she neither appreciated nor respected what you did for her.

Now you know!

I sorry, Passthecherrycoke, there must something you can do to change, get therapy or whatever, because no friend should have to put up with this.

Your friend considers someone being nice and kind a doormat, so I presume she doesn't even believe in being nice and kind. This is not a friend under any stretch of the imagination.

Well I’ve only been looked after as a patient twice in my life so therapy would be a little daft (and that wasn’t by friends) but the last time I was a patient I did recognise how awful I was, so I will try and recognise the stress building up next time.

Please provide an update to advise you've told this "friend" to Fuck off.

Absolutely no excuse for her behaviour. Being passive and kind does not make you a doormat.

Quite simply she is a bitch. Delete her from your phone and never contact her again

Passthecherrycoke You're self-knowledge at least does you credit.

She is nothing but a nasty evil tramp .
How dare she call you that? At least uou have manners, she seems devoid of them . Cut her out of your life

She said what?....... what a bitch.

OMD I've just seen your update.

Don't be in touch with her again.

To be honest, I have had friends do my dishes when they've been watching my DD and put dishes back in the wrong places and it slightly irritates me but I am so grateful that my dishes were done for me and they were doing me a favour watching my DD and they did it to be kind that that irritation is quickly replaces with gratefulness and even if it wasn't I would NEVER voice that. What a rude person. Don't help her again unless she apologises.

OP you are a nice person and people like you are ripe to be taken advantage of. Trust me, I know. I was once like you.

You would be absolutely wrong to give her the benefit of the doubt. All you would be doing would be greenlighting more of this shitty behaviour.

Lessen contact. Learn the lesson and be thankful you didn’t take longer to learn it. Like I did.

Just ghost her OP. But only after you’ve let yourself back into her house and put all the crockery in the wrong cupboards.

Oh no seen your update. Shes saying she treats you like a doormat because you are one?!?! That's so horrible. I would block and ignore her now. She is no friend.

I can’t believe she said you were a doormat. Where does she get off. Honestly, pppft, unbelievable.

I take back the giving her a break thing I said earlier. If she doesn’t apologise profusely and thank you so much for all your help, I’d never speak with her again. Sod that for a game of soldiers. And there was I giving her the benefit of the doubt, no more! If she doesn’t apologise make it known that you don’t hang with people who think you are a doormat and she can go wipe her feet in some other person.

she told me that it's my own fault because I'm a doormat and if I wasn't a doormat she wouldn't talk to me that way

Oh my land, that changes things doesn't it? She won't be expecting any more from you now, so there's a positive...

OMG, never offer to do anything for her again and respond with "Hell no" if she asks.

Anyway I brought it up with her and she told me that it's my own fault because I'm a doormat
That would be it for me. What a bitch.
She won't need to bother about doing anything over again after that as you won't be doing any more favours for her will you op?

How ungrateful can you be?

What did you say in reply??! Cheeky cow!

Wow, that’s one hell of an update!

What an awful thing to say to you.