Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think unwell friend is a CF

100 replies

cowsoy · 29/09/2019 13:10

A friend of mine recently fell ill and was bedbound for a few days. During that time she asked me if I could take her DCs to school, get same basic groceries in, etc. I also offered to walk her dog as she was unable. Anyway, I just got back from walking her dog and she was up and about and feeling better. She began making me a cup of tea and starting getting really angry that I had put the dishes back in the wrong place, angrily putting plates back in the cupboard and muttering that it was really annoying that I had done that. I then said to her that I didn’t think it was that serious or anything to get worked up about and she kept angrily putting the dishes away, making a lot of noise in the process. No mention of a thank you for looking out for her. AIBU to think that was ungrateful of her?

OP posts:
TheNoodlesIncident · 29/09/2019 15:33

I agree with Fuma's interpretation; if OP's mate had instead been horribly busy but had something intensive they had to do (like looking after an ill relative for example), then she would sound terribly ungrateful and I would feel a bit put out. But OP's friend has been ill, unable to get out of bed. She probably just isn't up to par yet. I would let it go this time tbh if she is usually thoughtful/considerate.

Hopefully she will realise and apologise at a later date...

Crinkle77 · 29/09/2019 15:35

Being ill is no excuse for being rude and ungrateful. She is a cow and is he reassessing the friendship.

daisypond · 29/09/2019 15:41

I would let it go if she’s poorly. Although she hasn’t behaved properly here, I’d aim to be sympathetic. People can be very quick to cut off friendships.

Starlight456 · 29/09/2019 15:43

How did you respond?

Lesson learnt.

Tonnerre · 29/09/2019 15:44

Did she ask you to put the stuff away, or know that you were doing it? IF not, I can see that it would be a bit annoying, though it was still rude of her bearing in mind the other help you had given

TheWernethWife · 29/09/2019 15:49

I would be horrified if I'd done such a favour for a friend, taking children to school, walking dog, getting groceries and then for her to make such a drama over a few plates. Banging and crashing indeed, how bloody childish.

Tistheseason17 · 29/09/2019 15:53

Yeah, she's a CF.

Think I'd passive/aggressive add, "Thanks for the feedback, I won't do anything for you next time, no worries, I hate upsetting people"

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/09/2019 16:03

I can't believe people are making excuses for her! But that's MN, isn't it - there's always an excuse for inconsiderate behaviour or bad manners.

She was very rude and ungrateful, OP, and doesn't deserve any help from you in future.

PepePig · 29/09/2019 16:39

Don't help her again. Kindness doesn't cost anything, and it would have taken her no effort to keep her mouth shut and rearrange the dishes once you had left. At the end of the day, OP, her being sick isn't your problem. You went out of your way to help and she came back with a great, big "fuck you". If she's well enough to rant and rearrange the dishes, then she's certainly well enough to make other arrangements. YANBU, she is a CF.

Chouetted · 29/09/2019 16:44

...but kindness does cost (not money, but energy, and executive function), and suppressing the first thought in your head does take effort (and again, energy and executive function).

I'm beginning to wonder if some of you actually live in the same world I do.

Sindragosan · 29/09/2019 16:50

Super rude. Every time family visit they help by doing dishes etc, and I find things all over the place for about a week after. I've never said anything other than thank you to them. (I might mutter to myself about how its obvious all the trays should live together after they've gone)

Original poster
cowsoy · 29/09/2019 17:49

@Chouetted if you've got enough energy to angrily put some dishes away I'm sure you have enough energy to suppress a thought... Anyway I brought it up with her and she told me that it's my own fault because I'm a doormat and if I wasn't a doormat she wouldn't talk to me that way.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 29/09/2019 17:51

Time to tell her to fuck off then!

Coyoacan · 29/09/2019 17:51

Why would you give her the benefit of the doubt, OP?

TheAlternativeTentacle · 29/09/2019 17:54

She sounds delightful.

MrMeSeeks · 29/09/2019 17:57

That would be it for me then Hmm
Time to walk away op, she does not deserve you

Girasole02 · 29/09/2019 17:59

Not much of a friend in my opinion

pictish · 29/09/2019 18:04

Oh right. Well that was nice then.

mankyfourthtoe · 29/09/2019 18:07

If you were a pleasant person you wouldn't talk to me that way!

Butchyrestingface · 29/09/2019 18:07

Anyway I brought it up with her and she told me that it's my own fault because I'm a doormat and if I wasn't a doormat she wouldn't talk to me that way.

I do like it when they make it so easy for one to say🖐 And head for the hills. 🏔

Chouetted · 29/09/2019 18:08

@cowsoy I'm afraid it just doesn't work that way. Physical and mental energy are different beasts.

However, calling you a doormat is completely inexcusable.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 29/09/2019 18:12

Just read through the thread and can't believe the update!

I'd tell her she's absolutely right. You have been a doormat but thanks to her bringing it to your attention you no longer will be then tell her to fuck off and get someone else to run around after her next time the cheeky arsehole.

Thenotes · 29/09/2019 18:12

Assuming this is someone you actually like most of the time, I'd put it down to feeling unwell and stressed that she hasn't been unable to do things for herself.

TinkerPony · 29/09/2019 18:13

Shock whoa! Well that's it. Walk away.

daisypond · 29/09/2019 18:13

Ooh, well, that update clinches it.