Friend ignored message

[midlifesomething]

Am having marriage problems atm. Am very private but confided in close friend (around 10 year friendship - my friend, not a friend connected to my hubby). No reply to message. If there was a tumbleweed emoji, maybe i’d send this to her as very odd no response at all - not sure what I was looking for but just a hand-hold during this difficult time would have been nice. Been almost a week since message, AIBU to expect some sort of reply? (to any other message she always replies).

What did it say?

Is there any chance at all she could be shagging your husband?

I said I was feeling down as marriage was in trouble and was thinking of leaving husband - she’s divorced so thought she’d be a good person to confide in. Feel bit silly now as have opened up about personal problems and maybe she’s not interested in hearing about them?

Husband is maybe shagging someone else but 100% not her - good point tho

@ElizaDee Husband is maybe shagging someone else but 100% not her - good point tho

I am sorry you are going through this.
It may be triggering for her?
Maybe she already knows who your DH is involved with?
Maybe she wants to wait and talk face to face?

I think I'd have messaged again, "are you ok? Not like you not to answer messages?...."

Ps. Sorry this is happening to you.

Maybe she meant to reply and forgot? Maybe she thinks she did reply but the message didn’t go through?

What’s she like with communication generally - fair weather friend or good at the emotional heavy lifting?

Can you do some digging to see if he is cheating?

Maybe she saw the notification but wanted to reply later as she was busy, and then forgot to look at it.

Or she cleared the notification accidentally along with something else and isn't even aware you've sent a message.

Both of those situation could show the message has been read, even if it hasn't been.

Wow to all of those immediate assuming friend is sleeping with husband.... no evidence much?

Infinitely more likey that the message or her reply didn't get through. Or, you know, OP could assume friend is sleeping with husband and create a massive emotional crisis because of a missing message.

If I were you, OP, I call her or meet to discuss this

Maybe she isn’t sure how to respond? If she is a close friend then I’d be very surprised if you didn’t eventually hear back from her.
I’ve had a similar thing happen to me with a friend I met on this site who I became close to, we talked about everything, she said I was like a sister to her, she was on the end of the phone during my labour, 6 weeks later she ghosted me and I’ve heard nothing for 2 months now despite sending multiple messages on multiple platforms Very strange behaviour and very upsetting to be on the receiving end of BUT my point is we never know what others are going through and there could be any number of reasons why she hasn’t got back to you yet. I’d maybe send another message just asking if she’s okay as you haven’t heard from her, which covers things if your original message didn’t get through for some reason.
I do hope you hear something from her soon OP and I’m so sorry you’re going through this

I sometimes delay responding if it’s an important message which I want to sit down and write a proper response to? Like if I’m really busy and don’t have time then i sometimes think ‘I’ll reply to that later so I can reply properly’. Occasionally I just forget altogether! How long has it been since she hasn’t replied?

Its been a week now, I should have done what @Seahorseshoe suggested and sent a follow-up message as it is really unlike her. @ElizaDee, he’s involved with someone else from work - thats a whole other problem!
I’m worried i’ve over-burdened her with my problem - i’ll see her IRL soon and that should sort things out, I wouldn’t say she’s fairweather friend. Thanks for your advice guys - I think my current marriage problems are making overthink all my other relationships and i’m super-sensitive!!

I would say she has simply forgot to Reply, (I have done that a couple of times when I'm really busy). But I can see it is easy to overthink the important relationships in your life in your current situation.

I hope you manage to get things sorted with your husband, whatever that looks like as the best for you, this sort of situation is really heartbreaking. Be strong 💐

I'd wait now, in my experience very few people are interested in other peoples problems let alone being supportive.
Is there anyone else that you could talk to?

What Boysey said. I'd ignore the fact I'd sent the text and move on.

Some of these replies seem really blasé about a friend opening up to you about something really important, clearly needing support, and the receiver just “forgetting to reply”. Even if your friend missed the message accidentally, it’s been a week and they’ve not opened up your chat to speak to you?

It seems an awful lot like you’re being avoided, for whatever reason, but I think that’s really poor behaviour and I’d call them out on it,

When are you seeing her face to face?

It does seem a bit odd but maybe she genuinely has a lot going on and has forgotten to get back to you.
How often do you usually message each other or catch up face to face?

I've replied before and gone back to see what's the latest as I havent heard back only to find I hadn't pressed send.

Is it text or what's app? On my previous phone my texts rarely ever sent or delivered but I wouldnt really know ans then randomly they might come through 3 weeks later. If you know she has it that's odd, I would text again.

Could she be on holiday?

Maybe she has problems you don't know about and doesn't want this on her plate as well? And thinks by saying nothing it might go away?

‘Managing’ friendships does seem over complex these days, I am probably a lot older than many on this thread but if I am going through a bad patch, or just want to contact a friend, I just pick up the phone (yes, landline ) and say ‘are you free for a coffee/chat?’.

Is that an option OP?