Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Friend ignored message

70 replies

midlifesomething · 29/09/2019 00:48

Am having marriage problems atm. Am very private but confided in close friend (around 10 year friendship - my friend, not a friend connected to my hubby). No reply to message. If there was a tumbleweed emoji, maybe i’d send this to her as very odd no response at all - not sure what I was looking for but just a hand-hold during this difficult time would have been nice. Been almost a week since message, AIBU to expect some sort of reply? (to any other message she always replies).

OP posts:

Branleuse · 29/09/2019 10:27

She is clearly not the type of friend to go to for support. Not everyone is. Its hard though to realise this.

Do you have other friends to try x

Confusedbeetle · 29/09/2019 10:30

I have a real problem with the use of text messages in some circumstances. If you want to reach out to someone you really should speak face to face, or at the very least on the phone. Only then will you get a drift of whether she will be a support for you or not. I'm sorry because I know a lot of people text rather than speak but it is the wrong way to find out if she is your friend

Pinkblueberry · 29/09/2019 10:41

I’m really confused by the harsh responses on here, saying she’s a crap friend for not replying - if my ‘close’ friend didn’t reply to an important text I would just presume the message hadn’t got through or I would be worried that something was up. Also, although as a pp said some people prefer to text, my close friends are always on the end of the phone if I need them - and if I just want a catch up or random chat to be honest. I definitely wouldn’t consider someone a close friend if I couldn’t just ring them, especially if I was going through a tough time. I would also hope none of them would start moaning about me and questioning my friendship because I missed a text

AutumnRose1 · 29/09/2019 10:43

how did you message her? it's easy for things to get lost in the crap.

this is a "pick up the phone" moment.

MRex · 29/09/2019 10:54

Sometimes I miss a message because I need to silence my phone or don't reply because I plan to send a longer message then forget or think I already sent something. If you want to talk to someone then you need to make more than one attempt before writing them off. You're being over-sensitive and it isn't a good time to be writing off friends over nothing.

Sorry to hear about your DH. Why do you think he's cheating and what are you doing about it?

Straycatstrut · 29/09/2019 11:04

I had a similar message from someone but I was suicidal at the time , massively broken and needed serious help. I honestly hand on heart couldn't deal with it and it made me hate the world even more. I tried to reply but had no idea what to say. Don't just label her a crap friend OP. Send her a message asking if she's okay, suggest meeting up as you could maybe help each other ?

johnlennonsglasses · 29/09/2019 11:08

Does she have children? Sometimes I miss messages because my kids have been hogging my phone and I don't even know it's there until I go in to text the person

I also do that thing where I think of the reply in my head, what I'm going to say etc then I'll get distracted and forget, but think I've replied bc I've put so much thought into it.

LovePoppy · 29/09/2019 11:36

Sometimes I open a message without realizing

Could that have happened

IAmALazyArse · 29/09/2019 11:51

If my friend haven't replied I would check up on her to see if anything happened to her. That's the first thing which would cross my mind.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/09/2019 21:28

Have you heard from her OP?

Original poster

midlifesomething · 30/09/2019 23:05

It’s on fb messenger so i know she’s seen it and we were happily messaging away about other more trivial stuff up to that point. She’s tagged me on fb since about something unrelated. Think maybe I over-shared, i’ll see her in a couple of weeks but i’m not sure that i’ll mention it unless she does - i don’t want to make her uncomfortable. It’s just weird, so wish i hadn’t said anything now. am lucky to have other friends that i have been confiding in so i’m ok - think i have learned some things are better discussed face to face!

OP posts:

Original poster

midlifesomething · 30/09/2019 23:08

*I def don’t think she’s a crap friend

OP posts:

MRex · 30/09/2019 23:10

I've frequently missed messages on messenger. Maybe she's ignoring you, but that isn't the only explanation and you would be better off checking in with her directly.

Sunshine93 · 30/09/2019 23:11

It's weird. I have before now written a reply and then accidentally not pressed send. Could that be it? I think a new message about something unrelated is a good idea.

If she is a close friend then when you meet up you need to check if she got your message. She has no right to decide she doesn't want to talk about it and not even tell you. If she has a genuine reason for not wanting to the least she could do is reply.
"Am really sorry but I am not doing to be able to talk about your marriage problems as I am really struggling with my own stuff at the moment" or some such message. To ignore it on purpose is rude.

I suspect she either thinks she replied or meant to reply and got sidetracked. I doubt very much she is deliberately ignoring

EmeraldShamrock · 30/09/2019 23:13

Echoing a pp, about DC. I often miss messages with DC playing on my phone.
I would be concerned something may have happened to her or she is feeling low.
If she is a friend of 10 years check in to see she is ok.

whatever123noname · 30/09/2019 23:18

As someone who's been through a divorce...it's extremely lonely and you need to be prepared to be dropped by a lot of friends almost instantly. People are concerned with their own lives, it's not an episode of Friends where everyone rallies round. She probably found it awkward to read that suddenly and is now avoiding you. Be ready for other friends to do the same.

I'm sorry you're going through this

Derbee · 30/09/2019 23:27

It’s a bit crap not to reply.

But as an aside,if your husband is involved with someone at work, you should probably just leave him

incognito76 · 30/09/2019 23:49

There are all sorts of perfectly valid and innocent reasons why someone might not have replied to a message and nobody here can accurately guess what the reason was that your friend didn’t reply.

If this is bothering you that much, just message her again.

Dollymixture22 · 01/10/2019 00:01

She should have acknowledged your message.

A while back I had a really difficult time with work related stress. I visited my sister and she started talking in great detail about her work problems. I literally had to run out of the house get in my car and drive away, I am embarrassed now by my extreme reaction.

I talked in through with my therapist who said sometime we reach our limit and just can’t take any more. She wasn’t at all surprised I reacted like this.

Maybe your friend in in a similar spot. Or she might be an asshole🤗

Countryescape · 01/10/2019 21:03

She’s seen your message and not replied. On my opinion that’s very rude and not supportive. Sometimes it’s easy to lose track of things when it’s a big message chain with lots pf people replying. But this doesn’t sound like that situation. I text my friend the other day as I’m currently having a hard time. As soon as she read my message she rang me. That’s a true friend. If people can’t be bothered to reply to your messages you don’t need them in your life. I’m sorry about your marriage OP. That’s really tough xx

Flip

1 2 3