That my mental health is affected by my 11 month old’s behaviour?

[CathyandHeathcliff]

I have an 11 month old, he’s a lovely smiley little boy when we’re out at playgroups/his grandparents house etc. But at home he’s becoming a nightmare. Our living room is attached to the kitchen, so we’ve put a gate on the doorway in between the two. Also, our kitchen leads upstairs, as we don’t have a hallway (Victorian Mill Worker’s cottage on the West Yorkshire/Lancashire border).
He’s now walking independently and very well, he can also climb the stairs efficiently.

He constantly cries each time the gate is opened or shut and he’s on the other side, he wants to be in the kitchen or going upstairs constantly. I can’t get anything done as he wants to be with me all the time. I know this is fairly normal behaviour for a baby, but I am drowning in mess and I’m so tired.
I’m also working 3 days a week, he’s in nursery two days and with his grandparents one day. Apparently he’s got a similar relationship with his key worker, each time she leaves the room or shuts the gate and he’s on the other side, he cries. So she said on her lunch break she takes a quick bite of her sandwich and pops back in for a cuddle and repeat. This is my life all the time. He’s the same with his dad. He sobs uncontrollably when my DP leaves the house in the morning, despite me still being here!
He often cries on and off all day when he sees the gate is shut. We spend a lot of time outside the house as it’s so draining, as a consequence I’m so exhausted!
He cries and stamps his feet when I don’t give him what he wants or when I’m not giving him attention. He climbs onto everything all the time too. I caught him trying to climb onto the windowsill the other day.
He’s still in our bedroom in his cot at night and still won’t nap unless he’s in a moving pushchair or car seat...he’ll occasionally go down on the bed, but we have to lay next to him and then can’t transfer him to his cot or else he wakes up.
He does sleep well at night generally, but wakes for his dummy quite a few times. He stopped breastfeeding by himself two months ago. Just stopped wanting the breast.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

We’ve had a very different experience as our twins are autistic and so don’t react in the same way as NT kids but 10-15 months was the most difficult stage as they had budding mobility and climbing skills but no control of their bodies, and no understanding of danger (they still don’t but they’re much more proficient physically). I spent months trying to prevent them from falling off furniture and failing.

With having two of them and them being delayed, I’ve had to shut them out of the kitchen for their safety but with one you really don’t need to. Put him in a high chair in the kitchen while you’re cooking and let him watch what you’re doing. Make the kitchen as safe as possible with locks and knives out of reach and then let him in to get involved. The fact we couldn’t do this has done them no favours at all.

I think it's a bit suggesting that she just needs to spend more time with him. By the sounds of things she's a very attentive parent, but you can't spend literally every second interacting. It's exhausting! My friend also has a high needs baby who can't entertain himself for longer than a couple
of minutes and it is very hard work, so I sympathise.

This is the age separation anxiety gets worse too so it's probably being exacerbated. I agree on the high chair and snacks route: if you can build the things you need to get done in the kitchen around snack times he might be happier sitting watching you while munching something. If my DD is in a clingy mood and I need to do some kitchen bits I stick her in chair and give her some fruit or something to occupy her for a bit.

Don’t worry OP however much attention you give them it is never enough. My DD was (is) like this. Even now (4.5) I sometimes think she wants to consume me

No baby ever got 'attachment issues' from standing on one side of a stairgate while mum cooks dinner! How ridiculous

When DD was very young I had a bouncy chair in the kitchen, when she was older I had a play kitchen in the dining room to occupy her, although she is tall so could swipe fruit and veg off the worktop from an early age. All the lower cupboards and drawers had locks on, including the fridge and freezer. Not sorry to see the locks go eventually!

This sounds like my 10 month old - except she cannot walk, crawl or even bottom shuffle.

I work full time so she’s with ILs most of the time but at weekends it’s unbearable - sit on the floor (surrounded by exciting stuff to play with), wail and scream that she can’t go where she wants to go, hold out her arms to be picked up, scream in outrage and throw herself to the floor to be put down again....and then repeat the whole process ad infinitum.

High chair also considered a reason for getting cross - she can undo the buckle and climb out in seconds, but then either throws herself onto the table and is stuck or hollers at me when I dare to rescue her.

If we have the energy to take her out in the buggy for the whole day, with constantly changing scenery, she’s as good as gold.

Luckily she will nap in a stationary buggy. For two 25 min naps a day. If by some miracle she does sleep longer in the day and I get something done, she’s then up all night.

So I have no advice for you I’m afraid, just a virtual high five for surviving this long!

Started reading this thread and have been sidetracked that people don't have a baby gate going into the kitchen.

I do OP. Would like my baby to have free range of the ground floor without being able to munch on cat litter.

Sounds like my ds was! We bought the magnet door locks online so all the kitchen doors couldn't be opened. Then he could roam around the kitchen safely.

The use the baby gate on the stairs.

My ds and dd were allowed in the kitchen mine too but I certainly don't think a baby gate vbetwen us if that had made me feel he was safer whilst I did a bit of dinner prep in between attending to him will cause attachment issues. Op isn't locking him in a cupbaord for an hour!

When my DD was 11 m the only time I got anything done was when she napped. Ditch the dummy and get his naps sorted and then have a nap yourself while he's asleep. Sod the housework

Oh and mine napped in a buggy till she was about 16 months - just in the buggy in the hall

This is why television was invented, put Cbeebies on & you could set a bomb off & they wouldn't notice.