Child’s teacher at pre school is a friend of a friend AIBU

[user1465560128]

Ok so here goes first post on Mumsnet my DS has recently stared preschool at our local nursery and his teacher is a friends friend I’ve been to mutual occasions and in the past a few nights out where she has been anyway she seems lovely so no issue with that until a few days ago when I caught up with my friend who is friends with DS teacher and we were discussing how my DS was settling into nursery and how he knows his own mind well friend then said yes friends friend DS teacher said the same and then made a comment of something DS had said/done which I wasn’t aware of I just feel like my DS shouldn’t be discussed by teacher with someone out of work it wasn’t anything I didn’t want my friend to know but it could have been and that makes me quite angry as even I didn’t know what had happened had it I think I just don’t like the thought of my DS being discussed I thought teachers may have had to keep things in work but I’m not sure if I’m being un reasonable.

Any response would be great as not sure how to approach

Thanks

@coconuttelegraph oh really yeah that’s strange I suppose a mixed bag but it really has annoyed me as I’m a nurse and I’ve dealt with patients who I know and have mutual friends and discussed things not even health with them and would never discuss with anyone else!

As a teacher I would say she is being unprofessional and breaking confidentiality. Yes, we chat to our friends about things children have done at school but not by name and not to anyone that knows the child (unless it's a colleague who knows the child through school).

Yanbu.
She might not have done it out of spite, but she KNOWS she isn't supposed to be doing it.

YANBU, she has breached confidentiality. I would have to say something

YANBU, she's broken the confidentiality policy.
I'd mention it to the manager.

If you don't want him being discussed, just tell tell her politely.

Stargazing, don't apologise to the SPaG prat, not ever.

Moving back to the topic, I think you're right to be a bit concerned about this, this teacher shouldn't be relaying anything about your son to her friend, she should re-jig her sense of propriety and professionalism.

Do you think you could address that with her directly? I agree that the next step would be to escalate to her manager.

I wouldn't like this to be honest, mainly because mine has very personal medical issues, which consequently affect his toileting, that I'd go mad if they were discussed with anyone other than staff caring for him; and in this case it'd worry me just what other info she was disclosing.

YANBU. The teacher has been really unprofessional. She should be disciplined for it, but for the sake of not getting off on the wrong start and it being awkward all year and at every social gathering, I'd not put in a complaint but I'd let her know you knew. I'd ask for a word and say 'mutual friend mentioned an incident with DS that I wasn't aware of, I'm sorry I wasn't aware, could you let me know if there are any other issues like this in future so we can talk to him about them'. She should be suitable mortified that friend blabbed and realise how it makes her look.

By the way, I think the other poster wasn't offended about your punctuation, but letting you know it was extremely hard to decipher without a single comma or full stop in lines and lines of text. I nearly clicked back and abandoned it and many other readers will have.

Inappropriate for teacher to discuss your child with anyone unrelated to school business or you as parent.

Your post is a little difficult to read, but YANBU. The teacher should not be discussing any pupils with someone outside of school. I've known plenty of parents of children that I've taught over the years and would never discuss them with anyone else.

Very unprofessional of the teacher to discuss your child and because you have a mutual friend she should have been ultra aware of this. Try to do it gently, but say something now before it goes on any more. This time it's been innocuous but another time it might be more personal or sensitive.

Get her sacked OP

Totally out of order.

UnaCorda, there's a little arrow called a 'backspace' that you could have used instead. What else did you contribute?

YANBU. I am a primary school teacher and that’s very unprofessional.

I wouldn't be fussed. It's not like she is discussing his book band.

It’s unprofessional imo. I live in a village where the pre school staff know a lot of the parents as ‘friends’ but they still have to be confidential and professional.

I actually have a friend who’s partner is my sons teacher. I am unsure if he discusses the children with her, he most proably does which I have no problem with that itself but when I speak to her we always act like friends rather than talking about DS at school. It’s kept professional at all times.

I agree with you OP. It’s unprofessional. I have a friend who works at the pre school my children and many of my friends children go/went to, and she wouldn’t dream of talking about any of them outside of a professional context.

YANBU, it’s unprofessional

YANBU OP. However, this is 3rd party information - you may want to check with her what was actually said and, if friend was correct, tell her it was unprofessional and to make sure it doesn't happen again. Personally, I wouldnt take it further as she is a friend (of a friend), you have a whole school year of contact with her and ds, and it wasn't a particularly damaging comment (not that that minimises what she has done).

Thank you all for the wonderful advice just glad to know that I’m not being unreasonable about this.

I think I will go down the route of mentioning I know and ask for her not to discuss my ds!

Thanks again all

Ffs stop being so precious.

Tbh if you make a complaint about this then two things will happen:

1. Your friend will be most put out that a seemingly innocuous comment has been taken into a complaint.
2. She will undoubtedly tell the pre school teacher that you have made a complaint.

You potentially will piss off your child's teacher for telling your friend that your ds has settled in well. You will piss off your friend. It would be very different if she had been telling your friend about confidential medical or safeguarding info but it doesn't appear to be anything horrible.