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AIBU?

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Original poster

SO quits our calls at the smallest thing

56 replies

Nooz · 28/09/2019 16:21

Been in a long distance relationship for 2 years, most communication by phone.

A few times he had hung up on me when something happens his end. Totally understandable if an emergency, I've done the same when ds (11) started being sick, but I think it does and should warrant a call back ASAP to explain. Always.

So, SO has done this recently it turned out for no big reason (a text from his dd). This amongst other things really set me wondering about us and we had a heart to heart...

Fast forward to yesterday, SO rings and makes a small speech about being sorry for being selfish and taking me for granted, and the not 5 mins later says 'oh give me a min' and :::: hangs up!

10 mins later a WhatsApp to say 'on my way to solicitors they wanted more info (and a wonky face emoji) speak later kiss kiss'

No apology, no call back later, just a picture of his dog looking cute at 10pm.

Am I being a mug? Or UR?
Thank you!

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 28/09/2019 16:22

It doesn't sound like you're a priority to him, sadly.

Time to move on?

Lweji · 28/09/2019 16:25

Oh, I've just realised what SO meant!

Anyway... is this the only issue? If so, keep calling him on it. Although, it is odd.

midnightmisssuki · 28/09/2019 16:29

What’s SO?

Original poster
Nooz · 28/09/2019 16:44

Oh sorry I'm out of touch with the things to use SO = DP x

OP posts:
HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 28/09/2019 16:46

How long are your calls? I’d probably start hanging up if the calls were really long, really frequent and a bit boring.

sparklefarts · 28/09/2019 16:46

How often do you get to see each other and what's he like face to face?

AwdBovril · 28/09/2019 16:50

It does sound like he doesn't consider you important enough to tell you the reason why... needing to drop off some information to a solicitor is not an urgent issue, he could at least spend a minute telling you he needs to go because X thing has just happened. I'd find it pretty insulting & be liable to consider whether it was reflective of his general attitude towards me, in your situation.

Original poster
Nooz · 28/09/2019 16:52

Our calls are long but we laugh a massive amount, I think the first reply hit the nail on the head, I'm not a priority.

We see each other 4-6 times a year, quite intense and lots of fun, but he's often hmm always drinking, and intimacy is getting less and less.

OP posts:
Aprillygirl · 28/09/2019 16:59

You only see each other 4-6 times a year?!!! Are you sure he's not got another woman on the go and he's cutting you off when she walks in the room? Do you go to his place at all OP?

FuriousVexation · 28/09/2019 17:00

I would suspect that he has a local girlfriend and that he hangs up if she texts, calls, or turns up.

If I was seeing a guy every 2-3 months I certainly wouldn't be calling him a SO or a DP. He's barely a FWB. I think you need to massively dial down your expectations for this relationship.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 28/09/2019 17:01

Are you sure he's not cutting you off when his wife/gf walks in OP. Have you been to his house?

Original poster
Nooz · 28/09/2019 17:02

Like me he's a single parent and he's totally dedicated to his dd, a very catered for young lady, she's usually the reason for his cutting me off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nooz · 28/09/2019 17:03

No the ex is deceased, their house her ex house, I'm welcome but it's a long way away

OP posts:
Witchinaditch · 28/09/2019 17:04

I think that’s alright, sometimes things come up. You sound a bit precious

Original poster
Nooz · 28/09/2019 17:07

No I'm not precious as a rule, have had to go through too much to think I'm owed stuff, but I do know my instinct is that he can't be arse, but I'll take on board that I might be coming across like that and have a think

OP posts:
WhatTiggersDoBest · 28/09/2019 17:09

Have you actually told him you expect a long explanation and a call back? Is he ending the calls abruptly because you're taking up too much of his time when he has other stuff to do? Unfortunately, you sound like you need more input than he can give you.

LuckyLou7 · 28/09/2019 17:09

I reckon you should go and visit him more often, even though he lives a long way away. I would be suspicious that there is someone else significant in his life, not just you, and he hangs up when he/she walks in the room. Pay a surprise visit, book some time off work and don't tell him, just go and knock on the door. Also the drinking and lack of intimacy are a concern, is this a recent thing?

SunshineCake · 28/09/2019 17:11

Is this what you envisaged for your romantic relationship ?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/09/2019 17:12

He sounds a bit like one of those FB people who posts something dramatic waiting for a flurry of concern.

If you think he's worth it then pull him up on it and tell him that you won't be putting up with it. It's not ok for him to put you through this push me-pull you rollercoaster when he feels like it. Would he be as accepting if you did this to him? I doubt it. Not really relevant though because if it's irksome to you then you don't have to put up with it.

NightsOfCabiria · 28/09/2019 17:15

What do you mean by lack of intimacy OP? Do you mean physical, emotional or both? Do you make plans together?

Original poster
Nooz · 28/09/2019 17:16

Sunshine, no it's not, I'm wondering if I'm hooked on a fantasy of 'us'. I'm posting here as the calls thing is indicative rather than isolated, I'm starting to see how much is missing x

he does not have another, his home is his ex's and he lives there with his teenage dd. It's been a tentative and careful process of me meeting the dd as she lost her mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nooz · 28/09/2019 17:18

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe ironically I'd opened up about how the hanging up thing was a problem for me and that's what the beginning of this call from him was apologising for...only he hung up again Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Nooz · 28/09/2019 17:20

@NightsOfCabiria physical, like we're an old familiar couple, but we're not. Even nights away in hotels come to nothing

OP posts:
lyralalala · 28/09/2019 17:20

That's the height of bad manners. It doesn't take more than a few seconds to say "oh the solicitors want more info so I've got to go".

Original poster
Nooz · 28/09/2019 17:23

@lyralalala thank you, that's one of his things is manners, and a
'give me a sec' .... -click-
is not necessary, and not a mention since the WhatsApp, and never yet an apology

OP posts:
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