How can I prove I am not lying about this

[Farfarfaraway]

No really a AIBU but painting for traffic

Tonight I sat down with my husband and said I was worried about us and he said so am I and he launched into a speal that I had made up I had been on the phone twice when my employer rung me about doing some extra hours and that he had checked my call and the calls did not match up to the times I was on the phone. I know why that is the clock on my phone is about 15 minutes fast so the calls showed up 15 minutes later but the calls where still there.

He also said received calls show up as red but all my calls recently received or not have shown up as black. Unfortunelty the calls also showed up as cancelled calls when I was on the phone for about 30 seconds. No idea why. But short of asking my employer to confirm she phoned me what can I do and I really don’t want to do that as it would be a really strange thing to ask her to ring or email my husband and confirmed she made the calls. I could also explain my phone time is fast but he would just say I had changed it to make it look fast.
I also had to ring 101 to phone the police a few days before as one of our “lovely” neighbours had a women in a head lock. He said I made that up as well. Again it is there in my call records.

I was diognosed with post traumatic stress syndrome and PND after I had my child 7 years ago due to a traumatic birth and I did lie about some hospital appointments being cancelled by the hospital as I was in a bad place and could not face them so I had cancelled them but I know he would be mad I did not attend so I lied. These appointment were not to do with the PTSD but with a health condition I have had for years that has not changed in years and I just could not face the hospital. I got a real fear of them. He found out and we nearly split up over it.

Since then I always feel I have been distrusted by him. Is still don’t think he had any idea what I went through. Part of my PTSD I am sure was him being a totally knob during the birth and not supporting me at all on what I wanted or needed.

He usually comes up with these things when I ask to have a chat because I am worried about us or his behaviour, he has a really short temper and has been throwing things round a lot and breaking things.

Not sure what to do

Yes.

Yes- he's a dickhead. Please leave.

Yes! God yes LTB NOW

Omg leave him.
Know your worth and leave him!!! Why wouldn't you want better!??

Does this guy make you happy and feel special OP?
I'm guessing if he did you wouldn't be here asking if this is ok, if it doesn't feel right it isn't.
Nobody should look through your phone, not because you may or may not have something to hide but because it's personal and he should respect your personal space.

His temper is not your problem, he should have grown out of temper tantrums when he was a child, if he can't express his emotions without aggression then you don't have to put up with it and your son shouldn't have to grow up with it.
Find a real man, and call whoever you choose.

He used to make me feel very special but he is not the man I married. Then again looking back the signs were there. When I have talked to friends/family about it they said they saw the warning signs before we got married- great thanks for telling me

He's looking for an excuse to leave you, and blame it on you. I don't know why people have to do this. He should just say he's not happy, and go. He's mentally unstable and you need to get out.

Without even reading past the first few posts (I will though) I can tell you.

He is being abusive.

You do not need to prove anything. Even if you do manage to find a way to it will not make a difference because he doesn't care about the truth he just wants something (anything) to hold over you to control you.

You are doing things like not telling him things (appointments, presents etc) not because you want to maliciously lie but because you are afraid of his reaction so those behaviours are in response to his abusive behaviour. Which means you need to stop thinking that you are to blame in any of this.

You think it might be too hard on your own. No it will be easier! It will be easier because you will be free of things that make your life so hard! You will have full control over everything from the tiny tiny choices to the biggest ones with no one to have to hide anything from.

All that without even touching on the fact his treatment of you during birth added to your getting ptsd!

you deserve better than this

It is not normal to follow up to that extent inn someone's phonecalls, nor to have arguments about not believing them. He was using it all to distract you from complaining about his behaviour. As for throwing things, that isn't acceptable. If you stay, there is a high chance that he still get worse and the violence will escalate. You and you children need to leave. The Relationship board can help you plan.

If you stay with him you will eventually end up doubting everything you do or say and end up mentally unwell.

When I have talked to friends/family about it they said they saw the warning signs before we got married- great thanks for telling me

But would you have listened and walked away?

My family said similar about my XH when we split, but l wouldn't have listened as my loyalty was with my then DH.

Only you can decide what to do now. Take ownership of your decisions and don't look at blaming other's for not telling you their opinions.

You say you're unhappy, then do something about it. Or ....as l said previously....if you choose to stay, you need to come to terms that this is how your life will be.

@Farfarfaraway I'm really sorry you're having to go through this, I wondered if your hubby was in his 40's or 50's, as my OH has turned into a right moaning eejit, a bit like yours, every molehill a mountain. The most trivial things end up being big issues.

I think friends & family mean the best, it is infuriating if some were unsure, thinking silence is the best option. Although maybe they also thought hopefully there'll be change or maybe they were worried about getting it wrong.

I can tell fairly quick where a person is going to fit into my life. I've spent way too long surrendering, when I really shouldn't have had to.

I hope you can make plans going forward that focus on you and which areas you think need growth.

@Farfarfaraway - how are you?

My xh used to do this. I raised the tiniest query about something and he'd respond with an attack. So I didn't bother after a while but then divorced him and that solved the problem. Who cares who you called and why or when? Why would he give a toss? He's a controllling wanker.

Your biggest problem is yourself, you need to start making plans to leave this nasty individual, you can do it, lots of women have done it before you. Just leave.

Oh @Farfarfaraway, from what you have said here you DO NOT have a problem with compulsive lying. Please believe this. Many of us in a similar situation would do the same.

Your husband sounds like he is deliberately using your vulnerability to make you doubt yourself. I hope the fact that so many of us are saying the same thing will make you think about it. Please don't ask your boss to prove you had a phone call.

Tell your arse of a husband to fuck the fuck off. He is not on your side. You will be able to cope without him. Infact, just imagine the freedom to make calls/buy presents/cancel appointments at will without having to justify and prove yourself. Calling Women's aid would be a good start if you can do it. Just explain what you've told us and I'm sure they'd agree that you are in an abusive situation. I'm sending you a big hug. You sound lovely. Your husband does not.