AIBU to think MIL is two faced?

[foreverroses]

We just got a call to the landline. It was a regional accent, a man, and although I’ve only met him once I knew it was DH’s uncle. He sounded like he was in the pub.

He asked for DH. I said he wasn’t home at the moment. Uncle then (presumably) handed phone to someone saying “It’s her, I’m not speaking to her”. I heard MIL say “Who?” And uncle said “The stuck up bitch”. MIL laughed and then came on the phone.

She asked to speak to DH and I said he wasn’t in. She said she was out with her brother and FIL and they decided to call DH. I made my excuses and ended the call. (DH is coming home on the tube. He will be unreachable on his mobile for a while.)

It’s obvious what uncle thinks of me but am I right in think, as MIL knew immediately who he meant by his description, that this is familiar to her? She didn’t defend me. But to my face she is OK.

Just because he was rude doesn't mean she was. I don't think it's fair to judge her on his actions. But might be worth discussing with MIL if that's what people really think and why.

I don’t care why they think it! I’m. I’m not going to ask. I’m only bothered that I welcome MIL into my home etc and she laughs when someone calls me names.

Do you usually blame women for the mistakes of their male relatives? Your anger should be aimed squarely at the uncle.

Do you usually blame women for the mistakes of their male relatives? Your anger should be aimed squarely at the uncle.
I think it's more that OP thought MIL would have her back, and actually defend her rather than laughing.

Teddybear45

I didn’t blame 🙄
The uncle is banned from our house and ostracised from most of the family. I will never see him. Now I have his number I will block him.

I am only interested in whether MIL was two faced by laughing.

LordNibbler

Exactly.

Tell her you heard everything and expected better from her. Make her squirm.

7yo7yo I will. Might ring her now but trying to get hold of DH.

Why does he think you’re a stuck up bitch?
Bit harsh.

Well me time she tries to invite herself to your home send her to bils instead.

Both of them are rude.

I wouldn’t ask over the phone. I’d do it face to face, where I can see her.

Tell her straight that you heard her laugh and it hurt you, and if she really thinks that about you she might as well tell you to your face now.

I would say so OP..if she was comfortable with him talking about you like that by laughing then you must have been discussed at length before ..both for your good points and bad points if you see what I mean.Anyone descent would have been appalled and said quite clearly oi thats my dil do not be so rude...
My inlaws are nice to me because i know they feel they have to to my face at least but I am under no illusions of what they really think of me.

Next time you talk to her and anything comes up I would say ‘ oh why would you want that? After all I am a stuck up bitch!’ And watch her squirm.

If she claims it was all him and she doesn’t feel that way I would make it clear I wouldn’t expect someone who thought that way of me to be in my company

The uncle is banned from our house and ostracised from most of the family. I will never see him. Now I have his number I will block him.

What’s the back story op?

This uncle sounds awful, and mil definitely has some explaining to do.

They're in a pub. If she's usually fine with you, I'd assume she was laughing at something else. Please don't call her back and 'have it out with her'. It's Friday night. They're out drinking. This isn't the time for conversations only gfs would suggest it was

I would've hung up the phone. I'd be annoyed that she laughed when someone said something nasty about me yes. A normal response would be 'no she isn't, don't be rude.' So yes I'd tell her what I thought.

Yes, you’re correct. MIL wasn’t surprised by ‘stuck up bitch’ because she heard and possibly discussed it before. The fact the uncle could just say it so easily shows MIL supports the description.
Next time she calls for DH tell him loud enough so she can hear ‘the two faced cow wants to talk to you’. Childish i know but satisfying.
I would be keeping relationship civil but at arms length.

Definitely tell her she’s two faced, she can’t expect to a relationship whilst laughing at someone calling you stuck up. How old is she? Five?

MILs are demons

She knew it was you because he called your landline so it's obvious who he was referring to. Maybe she laughed because she knew you could hear and thought she would laugh it off as a shit joke or because she felt awkward or embarrassed about how he spoke about you. If they were in a loud pub maybe she misheard what he said and laughed because of something else.

Don't confront her now but maybe bring it up face to face when you see her next and see what her reaction is.

She may have been embarrassed so laughed for that reason. Families are complicated. Is he her brother, then she knows him well and tolerates his foibles. I would not say anything. You all know the uncle is awful.

WhoAmIToTellYou

That made me laugh!

cherrysherbet

DH says the stuck up bitch comment is to do with them having chips on their shoulders rather than me. I certainly have never done anything to warrant it.

They have rung him up before when out drinking and basically told him off for not moving back “home” (where they live, he hasn’t lived there since he left to go to uni) and called him names (“gay”) for living in the south.

So I think it’s just them. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I still think I have the measure of MIL now though. I will tread carefully.

MILs are demons

No they’re not. They are just women like you.

It’s like saying DILs are demons.

OP sounds like there’s more to this than your DH moving down south. A lot more.
Unless they’re all deranged arse holes of course.

If my MIL heard anyone saying anything awful about me she would defend me fiercely.