AIBU to think MIL is two faced?

[foreverroses]

We just got a call to the landline. It was a regional accent, a man, and although I’ve only met him once I knew it was DH’s uncle. He sounded like he was in the pub.

He asked for DH. I said he wasn’t home at the moment. Uncle then (presumably) handed phone to someone saying “It’s her, I’m not speaking to her”. I heard MIL say “Who?” And uncle said “The stuck up bitch”. MIL laughed and then came on the phone.

She asked to speak to DH and I said he wasn’t in. She said she was out with her brother and FIL and they decided to call DH. I made my excuses and ended the call. (DH is coming home on the tube. He will be unreachable on his mobile for a while.)

It’s obvious what uncle thinks of me but am I right in think, as MIL knew immediately who he meant by his description, that this is familiar to her? She didn’t defend me. But to my face she is OK.

A line was missing from my last post, sorry.

It was to Cherrysherbet answering her backstory query. Basically the uncle has been in trouble a lot and DH doesn’t like him. MIL is always trying to push him on us and other relatives but they’ve all said no. I met him at DH’s grandmother’s funeral for literally two minutes.

NoSauce Nothing I know of.

DH’s parents have ridiculed him about losing his accent and buying a house. MIL once told me (she’d been drinking) that she had to be nice to me or I wouldn’t let her see DH which I though was an off comment but DH says that MIL tells FIL who he can and cannot see so that may come from that way of thinking 🤷🏻‍♀️.

WonderWomansSpin what’s a gfs? Thanks

@foreverroses

At a guess, I think it means "goady fuckers"

I'm sure my MIL doesn't like me, but I don't care! Who cares what this lady thinks. It does sound like a chip on shoulder situation all round.

Nearlyalmost50 I care because I, and my family, do a lot for her. I would rather not continue if she does not like me. I do not care WHY she doesn’t like me if she doesn’t, that’s her prerogative.

Ask her why she laughed when the uncle said what he did then. I would.

Tell your mil that you think her brother is a total dickhead and you wish she would have put him straight.
If you ever meet twat features make a point of calling him out in front of anyone/everyone.

I like this from 7yo7yo:Tell her you heard everything and expected better from her.

That's good. It's a short statement, not a discussion. It gives no wiggle room for escalation and doesn't even require a response, but it does give her the clear message that if she laughs in your hearing when someone else shit-talks you, you're not going to be a walkover or stay silent to 'keep the peace'.

I wouldn't go to the trouble of seeking her out to make that point, either. That on its own could be perceived as confrontational. Just drop it casually into the next conversation when you're going to be in her presence anyway, then move on from the subject.

As your update said, now you have her measure and can briefly but firmly let her know this. You can then be polite when she visits and it doesn't even matter if both of you know you're pretending. Good luck!

I will say that yes. I’ll ring her.

I’m not going to pretend with her though. I’m done with the favours and so is my family.

What do you do for her?

Because yes, it would be stopping right now. And there's no 'if' she doesn't like you. She doesn't. You know.

So stop doing the stuff, and when she makes a narky comment, just say 'Bit hypocritical to expect someone you call a stuck up bitch behind their back to do xxx for you, isn't it? Do it your fucking self.'

Send MIL a text saying “hi so I heard what was said on the phone, I’m not a stuck up bitch but I’ll be sure to let your son know what you think of his wife”

Block her after

If you're going to ring her and confront her then that's an even easier way of stopping hte favours and letting her know.

'I heard what you said and expected better from you. However if that's how you feel then fine. Probably best you just call DH from now on if you want to talk to him and we'll leave the relationship there, so please don't expect me and my mum to be available next time for taking you to IKEA - we're not hypocrites and I'm sure you don't want to be one either.' (or whatever the favour type things are).

FizzyGreenWater

Lots and lots of things. One that annoyed me... My father mends wooden objects as a hobby. Small boxes, replaces inlay, that sort of thing. When she knew, she went out and bought something for him to mend he did and she sold it on eBay. I thought that was not on.

My sister is a solicitor, they are forever asking for free advice about being sacked or neighbour disputes etc. We’ve lent them money, I decorated their bathroom one weekend, we paid to have their car mended, sort out their paperwork. Just stuff you know that family normally do. A lot of it saves them money because they don’t have a lot.

FizzyGreenWater

Thanks

Good luck with the phone call op. Sounds very unpleasant

MIL not answering. She may still be asleep.

I didn’t think it was unpleasant Candy but I’m wondering now whether they resent me and my family.

That’s easily rectified by keeping away from them.

i’d Wait till she next asks a favour and say ‘oh no i’m too much of a stuck up bitch’

Meh, did you want her to cause an argument, she may have done so in the past. I personally would not blame her for him.

I think being referred to as a stuck up bitch is very unpleasant op - you're a better woman than me!

I probably wouldn't phone she will just deny/stall make excuses etc etc

just wouldnt answer the phone when she calls...... or say dh not here put the phone down..
certainly wouldnt be doing favours.....tooo busy......

she's let you know what she thinks and sounds horrible, up to your dh on what he wants to do although why he'd want to do stuff when they talk to him like that .......

Bluntness100

She laughed. If she is that scared of her brother (who is serving a suspended sentence for threats of violence) why does she go out drinking with him?

I don’t think she’s scared of him at all.

why he'd want to do stuff when they talk to him like that

DH says everyone talks like that from where he’s from. That’s why he never went back.

Rang MIL and didn’t even get around to saying anything about the laughing because she immediately started going on about FIL falling over on the way home last night and hurting himself badly and refusing to go to A&E 🙄.

So I just said I was ringing to say I was busy now and so wasn’t available to do the stuff I normally did for her family, just a heads up. She didn’t ask why I was busy all of a sudden! Just said she was busy also and started listing what she had to do.

So I made my excuses and ended the call.

So stuck up me is just keeping away.

Not stuck up to stop being a doormat.
Good for you op.
Keep up the good work!!