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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at my mother in law

87 replies

kittykate24 · 27/09/2019 09:17

I left my 5 month old son with my in laws for about an hour and a half. I was nervous about it as they’re pretty clueless (first grandchild and they have some very old fashioned views on parenting - MIL has given me some unhelpful, outdated advice and has been critical of how I’m doing things). But I thought it would be nice for them to spend some alone time with him as they’re very keen to be involved.
When I got back, DS was crying hysterically. They were doing their best to calm him down but MIL said to me “we told him if he didn’t stop crying we’d kick him up the bum.” I think it was her attempt at humor but I didn’t appreciate it. I scooped him up and walked away, it really upset me. I then went out and told her “I know you were trying to be funny but i didn’t appreciate you saying that.” She just said “right” and turned away. When I had calmed down later, I apologized as I thought it’d be best to try and smooth things over but she just looked straight past me and started talking to DS, who I was holding.
Was what I said to her unreasonable? My husband seems to think I took it way too seriously and he defended his mum, saying that’s just his family’s sense of humor.
I should say, this was on top of a few other things they’ve done recently to annoy me, and all the unsolicited advice from MIL, so it probably just tipped me over!

OP posts:
SayWhatNowYall · 27/09/2019 18:05

I think it shows a serious lack of judgment about what’s an appropriate response to the baby, and I can see why you reacted like that, in the context of having outdated ideas and criticism spouted at you.

From experience later on this kind of ‘joke’ turns into “I’ll smack you on the bottom” or “I’ll take you to the police station if you don’t stop” to a tantruming toddler, which is genuinely frightening and frankly awful to try and control the child through threats...

Toodlesdeary · 27/09/2019 20:58

Wow. It was absolutely a joke! I say it to my lot as babies etc. In a loving, joking, never gonna happen way.

Cherrysoup · 27/09/2019 21:04

Kick a baby up the bum? What an extraordinarily weird thing to say about a baby.

TooMuchPeppa86 · 27/09/2019 21:08

Whaaaaat this thread is absolutely fucking bonkers 🤯

Tonnerre · 28/09/2019 08:13

I think it shows a serious lack of judgment about what’s an appropriate response to the baby,

Extraordinary thing to say. I would put money on the fact that, if it was said at all to the baby, it was in a loving, jokey way, and the baby probably loved the smiley interaction with his Granny. Does anyone seriously stop to think before responding to a baby "Hang on, is this the right thing to say, will he know this is a joke, maybe I should rephrase"?

Lowlandlucky · 28/09/2019 08:39

If i was your MIL i would think you were a stuck up brat that thinks she is better than everyone else.

Livelovebehappy · 28/09/2019 09:41

YABVVU. Jeez, being a MIL is like walking through a minefield. This sort of comment is a generational thing; just an attempt at humour. Seriously, did you really think she would kick your dc round the room for crying? As a new mum you would surely understand that a baby crying hysterically can be for a multitude of reasons, most of which is unknown. It seems you were looking for something to jump on as soon as you went to pick up dc to justify you never having to leave dc with mil again. I hope the dil’s who post on MN aren’t a reflection of the majority - having a teen son, it’s pretty worrying!

Iggi999 · 28/09/2019 10:16

Bollocks is it generational. There was no time when kicking a baby in the bum was "a thing"!
To the poster saying the OP thinks she's better than everyone else - well she certainly sounds better than this mil who as well as this idiotic remark as been criticising her dil's parenting - a sure fire way to build up your relationship with your dil!

AcrobaticCardigan · 28/09/2019 10:29

It wasn’t funny, sounds like a misplaced joke. I very much doubt they’d have said this to him directly if he was crying & old enough to understand! Do have sympathy for you re the old fashioned advice / always thinking they’re right, which is no doubt grating.

phoenixrosehere · 28/09/2019 12:05

Some of you fail at reading comprehension. OP did APOLOGISE after all and some of you acted as if she told her mil to do one and left the house. OP was honest and told her MIL that she didn’t like the joke vs stewing over it and holding it against her. It was a bad joke and whether you agree or not is beside the point. OP went somewhere else for a moment to calm her distressed baby and realised she may have been a bit harsh with mil and went back and apologised. MIL decided to ignore her instead.

MIL sounds like the overly sensitive one if she can’t handle someone being honest about a joke she made and can’t accept their apology afterwards.

saraclara · 28/09/2019 12:10

Bollocks is it generational. There was no time when kicking a baby in the bum was "a thing"!

It's generational in the sense that it's an old fashioned sort of jokey comment. Not a 'people used to kick their babies' thing.

blackcat86 · 28/09/2019 12:41

I would not be impressed and wouldn't be leaving him there unsupervised until I felt confident that they could cope. Have you observed them with DS? Do they take the lead when you're there? They may have raised an adult but my PIL raised 2 DC and yet I found them trying to bath DD (about 6 months at the time) in cold water and purchasing a 2nd hand battered car seat for £15 off of FB.

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