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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not use a name anymore?

56 replies

bespokepaininthearse · 26/09/2019 11:18

So I am due very very soon and had a few names to choose from when I give birth, and I have found out that someone I don't know but is friends of friends, who lives in the same village has used my favourite name for her child. The name is quite unusual, they will only be a month apart in age, likely go to the same small village school and be in the same class - with the same name.

Aibu to be really put off using this name now? I don't pick names based on how unusual they are but the idea that there will be the same unusual name in the class a bit older, and they seem like a pretty well to do family so I'm worried my child will always be the second best if that makes sense? Please tel me if I am being ridiculous.

OP posts:

mauvaisereputation · 26/09/2019 11:34

I don't think anyone will see your child as second best. I can understand changing the name if you want your child to have a name no one else in the class has (though of course you can never guarantee this). If it's a relatively unusual name then it might be that it's coming into fashion - after we picked our DD's fairly unusual name, we were amazed to see that it has been steadily climbing in popularity over recent years (we didn't know any others). Often if you like a name, others will too!

I'd stick with the name if it's your favourite. Honestly, whatever you decide, I don't think you'll worry about the decision after it's made.

WarshipWarrior · 26/09/2019 11:36

What's the name? I hate it when people do this. It's an anonymous forum tell us the name!

thisnamechanger · 26/09/2019 11:38

Number one loads of kids have the same names in a class, number two your DC is at school for only a fraction of their life!

Atlasta · 26/09/2019 11:41

Use it.
They won't be in school forever and it's not now owned by them. Why would she be second best?

FrauHaribo · 26/09/2019 11:48

What's the name? I hate it when people do this. It's an anonymous forum tell us the name!

half will hate it, half will love it, knowing the name is not helpful.

they seem like a pretty well to do family so I'm worried my child will always be the second best you are over thinking this massively! You need to lose that chip on your shoulder, it's not healthy.

YANBU to change because the name is already used - I know a couple of people who change their mind after a royal baby's name was revealed because they wanted a different one (and I guess other parents have just used the royal baby's name instead!)

but do it for the right reasons.

CampfireZen · 26/09/2019 11:50

No, you're not being 'ridiculous'!
Maybe a little overanxious.

I would honestly still use the name, as it obviously appeals.

Anecdotal tale for you:
I have an unusual name, but started at a new school's class of only 24 (blimey, those were the days) only to find I sat right next to another one, a classmate had it as her middle name, and a girl had the longer variation but was often also called by 'my' shortener!

You can never tell what uncommon names do suddenly chime with parents at the same time. But, from the kids' viewpoint, none of us felt hard done by or 2nd best.

CrazyPineapple · 26/09/2019 11:51

She/he might move away, you might eventually move away/same named child might move in, iyswim? Stick to what you like.

Maseandmum · 26/09/2019 11:52

Use it. DS has another kid with his name in his class and it hasn’t been an issue

dowehaveastalker · 26/09/2019 11:54

You think she will be second best because they have more money? That’s a really odd way to think.

countrybump · 26/09/2019 11:56

Stick with what you like. If you don't know the person why should it matter? They might end up in the same school/class, they might not. But somebody else might also move to the area/already be there with the same name and it wouldn't matter.

In terms of the class, having two girls with the same, unusual, name will be no different to having two girls with the same, usual, name!

Stick with what you love!

TheFatberg · 26/09/2019 11:56

Definitely no need to post it here. You'll get people saying they don't like it, or they know 50 babies born with the same name in the last few months. Never tell anyone the name until the baby comes!

Whattodoabout · 26/09/2019 11:56

I wouldn’t use it and I understand your reservations. People are attached to their children’s names, especially first borns and if it’s a rare name it will just look like you have copied her.

Sorry, I am the sort of person who would be upset if a friend used the same name. We had our DS last year and DH’s friend’s fiancée found out she was pregnant a month later. They told everyone straight away and said if it was a boy they were going to use an obvious diminutive of our DS’s name. Example is DS is Maximilian and they were going to use Max or Frederick and they were going to use Freddie. I was devastated. Thankfully they had a girl.

solidgoldbaby · 26/09/2019 11:58

What’s the name?

michaelbaubles · 26/09/2019 11:58

My DD has a common name and her best friend has the same name, and they love it! They're weirdly quite happy to be known as Jane X/Jane Y (name changed obv). They're also both daughters of single parent teachers and their dads have the same name too - and they look like little clones. It's very funny!

AlexaAmbidextra · 26/09/2019 11:58

You think they’ll be known as Rich Morticia and Poor Morticia? How very odd.

NoSauce · 26/09/2019 12:05

Why would your child be the second best just because you think they are “well to do”?

Just use the name!

Original poster

bespokepaininthearse · 26/09/2019 12:08

I don't know if they are better off than us, I just meant that they seem like the type of very popular family. That's the other thing that bothered me, is that they might think I've copied their name, we have friends in common so it's likely they would hear about it if that makes sense?

I am sure I am being over anxious about it all but we all want to try and give the best starts to our kids and make life as easy for them as we can! I'm not keen on sharing the name here as I'm sure i will get a number of comments on how it's horrible or not different or whatever!

OP posts:

Damntheman · 26/09/2019 12:09

Just use the name if you like it :) Give your child a middle name that they can use if they don't like having the same name as someone in their class but I'm fairly sure it won't be a problem.

NoSauce · 26/09/2019 12:11

It’s so annoying when posters won’t say the name.

BumbleBeee69 · 26/09/2019 12:11

your Child your choice of Name, when they grow up they'll likely never see each other again.

mauvaisereputation · 26/09/2019 12:13

I think unless it's REALLY unusual (like, these will be the only 2 babies born this year with that name) then no one will bat an eye. If it is very, very unusual, then people might notice (but you can still use the name if you love it).

pinkyredrose · 26/09/2019 12:15

You're being ridiculous. Just use the name.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 26/09/2019 12:16

Yes, YABU. If you like the name, use it.

a) it REALLY doesn't matter if two people have the same name, yes - even in the same class.

b) they will only be in the same class or school for a tiny section of their life. So even if (a) bothers you, it's not forever

c) Everyone on MN baby name boards seems so keen to find out if people like their chosen name. Clearly people do, as they have chosen it for their own child. Ergo you can be reassured it's not hideous.

dollydaydream114 · 26/09/2019 13:46

Everyone I know who thinks they have found an 'unusual' name for their child has fairly soon found out that there is another one in their school/playgroup/extended family/whatever. Everyone.

Just call your child what you like.

we all want to try and give the best starts to our kids and make life as easy for them as we can

There were two other girls with the same name as me in my year at school and two others who have a slightly different name but which is is shortened in the same way.

It affected my life in literally no way whatsoever. Don't worry about it!

Rainbowknickers · 26/09/2019 14:18

In 2000 I had a boy
I called him Joshua
In the following 5 years it seemed every bloody boy was called josh-6 in his class alone
It didn’t bother me at all-I still love his name!

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