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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset about colleague's comment

90 replies

Scottishgirl85 · 25/09/2019 20:52

I'm 34, 2 young children (youngest 17 months), 8 stone, 5 foot tall, size 8 clothes. A colleague today said 'congratulations!' as she assumed I'm pregnant! I definitely have a protruding tummy since having children, but I'm fairly slim otherwise. Obviously colleague was mortified but I'm now shamed into sorting it out...
I don't ever want such a comment again, dd2 is an IVF baby and husband is now completely infertile due to losing both testicles to cancer, so the comment has had a double whammy of hitting the tummy issue and infertility issue!
How on earth do I get rid of this stomach?! If anyone has any tips I'd love to hear them!

OP posts:

ShinyMe · 26/09/2019 01:08

@Scottishgirl85 sod that! If you like the dress then just wear it! I have 4 too, and they're much less flattering on me, but I live in them as they're so comfy.

kateandme · 26/09/2019 01:10

cant believe people are commenting with tips on how to lose it!
YOU DONT NEED TOO!
you are lovely.you need to build confidence not lose weight or skin or muscle or fat or any other part of yourself.
this is feeding into having to change yourself or not being loving and kind to yourself and the amazing thing you are.and the need to change through others feeling of how we "should look"

kateandme · 26/09/2019 01:11

also that dress is lovely.
also so is your room decor :)

Derbee · 26/09/2019 01:25

I think you look great, and I love your room decor! I’d take it as a compliment - because you look like a naturally slim person. You’ve got slim legs and torso/shoulders etc, so any tummy will look bigger on you than on a big person.

Don’t know what the hell your colleague was thinking. I’d never say anything to someone until I had signed their maternity leave card, just in case!

Adviceorhelp · 26/09/2019 01:35

I’ve had that said to me so many times and it’s hideous. My stomach is huge though. About the size of a 6 or even 7 month pregnancy. I’m just fat. I overeat. I’ve always had a protruding tummy even when I was much slimmer. It’s now so big I can only wear tent dresses. I’m sad even writing this! You are a lovely young woman and have a young baby. It’s hurtful I know.

Bahhhhhumbug · 26/09/2019 08:32

Sashkin not obv really
l'm talking about having to weigh less than a significantly shorter person to be the same dress size. In most cases its the other way round as you would expect and you often hear people say to tall women 'oh you're lucky, youre tall, you can get away with it (carrying extra weight obv.).

FactorFifty · 26/09/2019 08:44

Your dress is gorgeous!

I'm short and 9 stone, I'd love to be 8 :)
I don't have DC (infertility) but I had a big weight loss 5 years ago (6 stone) and my tummy is very flabby and large from loose skin, I have a noticable bump and although I've never been asked outright if I'm pregnant, people have hinted around it. It feels awful, so I sympathise.

I just wanted to say I see my tummy as my 'proof pouch' - evidence that I was strong enough to lose weight and get healthy. My body shape is me.

And you have two wonderful children, made with your body! That's incredible, and you should be so proud of every inch of yourself.

FactorFifty · 26/09/2019 08:48

Also, your colleague was rude.

I never, never comment on a pregnancy - even if it's totally evident a woman is about to imminently give birth to twins and wearing a 'baby on board' T-Shirt - I still wouldn't!

tolerable · 26/09/2019 09:12

was colleague suitably ashamed. you are very petite , i do see a bump tho. Its clearly not flab...so tho ...very senstive/insensitive.Have you spoke to gp./follow up of ivf? i dont want to freak you out and definately not trying insult you..does your tummy gurgle alot?/are you aware of ohss?

timshelthechoice · 26/09/2019 20:17

I have the typical c section “shelf” after two c section babies. My tummy does stick out fairly low down, lots of women have that after more than one caesarean .

Women who haven't had CS's also have this. It's the nature of female abdominal musculature, and man, wait till you age! It can be very hard to keep weight off the middle when you get to menopause. I really hate the ol' apple/barrel shape and have to exercise a lot now!

Original poster

Scottishgirl85 · 26/09/2019 20:29

Thanks everyone, think I'll mention it to gp and also use this experience to start a bit of a health kick. I do need to start some exercising as I think the days of getting away without doing any are over!
You're all lovely, thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

Scottishgirl85 · 26/09/2019 20:32

@factorfifty I'm so sorry about your infertility. There was a long time we thought we'd never have children and those were very dark days.

OP posts:

BlackNoir · 26/09/2019 20:36

Pilates will help your posture loads.

SirVixofVixHall · 27/09/2019 21:44

timshelthechoice the shelf is different to a normal post baby tummy, as it is due to the way the scar tissue pulls in, and varies depending on how one was stitched up after a c section. So it is where the tummy sticks out like a shelf directly over the scar, as though wearing very tight pants at scar level. Not everyone gets it, I didn’t have it after my first c section, but I do now. I am 55, so definitely ageing, but I still have a waist and have not got more apple shaped. My Mum didn’t either so I think i follow her.

timshelthechoice · 27/09/2019 21:52

Believe me, you can get a shelf like that quite easily and not have had a CS and even get a line from the overhang. Took me ages to get rid of mine but I definitely get an apple shape if I'm not very careful.

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