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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about colleague's comment

90 replies

Scottishgirl85 · 25/09/2019 20:52

I'm 34, 2 young children (youngest 17 months), 8 stone, 5 foot tall, size 8 clothes. A colleague today said 'congratulations!' as she assumed I'm pregnant! I definitely have a protruding tummy since having children, but I'm fairly slim otherwise. Obviously colleague was mortified but I'm now shamed into sorting it out...
I don't ever want such a comment again, dd2 is an IVF baby and husband is now completely infertile due to losing both testicles to cancer, so the comment has had a double whammy of hitting the tummy issue and infertility issue!
How on earth do I get rid of this stomach?! If anyone has any tips I'd love to hear them!

OP posts:
Preggosaurus9 · 25/09/2019 21:40

How rude!

Someone did this to me once. I now think a lot less of her as a result. It's just an outright rude and thoughtless thing to say!

billy1966 · 25/09/2019 21:43

As someone once said to me, if a woman was birthing, with her legs in stirrups, she still wouldn't risk asking her if she was pregnant. A bit dramatic but I get the point.

I have heard people ask when is the baby due and thought it was a reasonable question etc., to hear them being knocked back as there's no baby!

I wouldn't ever ask now, in any circumstances.

Your colleague suffers from foot and mouth I think.

Winterlife · 25/09/2019 21:43

I have the same shape. Losing that lower belly is very difficult, IME. Core exercises will strengthen the muscles. Only aerobic exercise will get rid of fat.

tobedtoMNandfart · 25/09/2019 21:44

You've had 2 children so some changes to your body will remain.
If it makes you feel any better I'm 4'9" & 11 stone! I'm older & I do need to need to lose weight but thought it might you help put things in perspective. You are a Slim Jim!

Jayaywhynot · 25/09/2019 21:49

Its tiny, Iv got a little belly like yours, had an accident and hadn't been able to exercise, I call it my food baby! Joe wicks ultimate hit work out for beginners (YouTube) is helping me get rid of it, 10 minutes a day. Ps you look cute in that dress Flowers

C8H10N4O2 · 25/09/2019 21:54

I would suggest your colleague looks for help here

theclockticksslowly · 25/09/2019 21:57

Your colleague was so rude! Why do people do that?!

A colleague once did that to me - actually placed her hand on my stomach and said “aww you’re expecting! Congratulations!” And I thought I was having a thin day that day! 😂

Echobelly · 25/09/2019 21:58

TBH I've had it happen to me a few times - I never had a flat tummy even pre kids but post kids I have learned never to wear tops/dresses that gather under the bust as I do look pregnant! The times it has happened I've just said 'Nope, just pies' or 'I guess it's just not a very flattering dress then' and felt bad for the other person who probably feels awful because they don't know I genuinely don't care.

My feeling about my stomach is that I could have a flat tummy if I ate a really controlled diet and exercised my core LOADS, but at the end of the day I'd rather be able to eat cake and dedicate my time to things other than exercise, and that will bring me more happiness than having a smaller waist would.

Michellelovesizzy · 25/09/2019 22:04

You look fine 2 me..... ffs cant evan have a little tummy after havin to kids. U work with a cunt

halloumi2019 · 25/09/2019 22:05

Unfortunately I think a ‘food baby’ / bloating / water retention etc are just more visible on shorter women. I’m early 20s & a size 6 and wake up with a flat stomach, but certainly could pass for having a small bump by the end of the day! I’m very active too, I probably should start going to the gym to actually eradicate it.

Original poster
Scottishgirl85 · 25/09/2019 22:08

Aw thanks everyone! Husband says it's an unfair photo as I'm holding the dress in underneath, he's awesome!
So is aerobics or pilates better then to try and shift it? I'm trying not to let the comment bug me but I want to feel better about myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scottishgirl85 · 25/09/2019 22:10

@shinyme I'm a huge fatface fan! I have the dress in 3 colours and love them, but fear I now won't be wearing them for a while..

OP posts:
DisappearingGirl · 25/09/2019 22:10

I have a very similar figure to you OP. Generally slim/small, but had two big babies and diastasis recti, so my tummy sticks out a bit. If I pull my tummy muscles in I can pull it flat, but when I let go my tummy protrudes.

I have also been asked if I am pregnant (by a lovely friend, who was mortified when I said no!). I think it's because we are otherwise small builds.

Looking at it objectively ... me and you both have pretty good figures really, especially after two kids!!

CareBear50 · 25/09/2019 22:11

The colleague was not rude.....she made an error of judgement.....which, considering her mortified reaction, she will never do again!

oP so sorry to hear about your husband's cancer. That must be hard.

Certain exercises will certainly help eg yoga and Pilates......and I was once told to imagine an invisible thread going through you're body vertically and imagine someone is holding the top of that threads and gently pulling on it. Helps your posture straight away, if you can understand what I'm trying to say!

Original poster
Scottishgirl85 · 25/09/2019 22:11

Both births were c-sections so wonder if there are exercises I need to be cautious with?

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 25/09/2019 22:11

You look fine but id work on core muscles anyway as they are crucial.

Postmissposte · 25/09/2019 22:16

I've got a crap tummy after 3 c sections, and yoga is helping, though only gradually, and I probably shouldn't eat so much cheese and cake.

Hope your colleague has learned a useful lesson!

Original poster
Scottishgirl85 · 25/09/2019 22:19

@dis yes when I consciously pull it in it's completely flat! Definitely worse by end of day too...

OP posts:
Bahhhhhumbug · 25/09/2019 22:28

I'm fascinated by you being a size 8 at 5ft weighing 8 stone. I'm 5ft 7ins and last time l was a size 8 to 10 (depending which shop) l weighed 8 stone too.

whiskersonkittenss · 25/09/2019 22:30

that was really mean of your colleague.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 25/09/2019 22:31

I've never had children, and i have a bigger bump than you ffs! I have crap posture and crap core muscles, got referred to physio for back problems and they were brilliant, gave me some exercises which make a difference within weeks when i get round to them

It would take a lot of weeks for me to get your figure! Your colleague is insensitive at best, hope she was mortified.

And Flowers for you and DH.

mumwon · 25/09/2019 22:32

You earned that tum from 2 dc - these days we expect adult women to look like Barbies - well we don't - I remember sometime seeing an analysis of the Venus de Milo statue & if you look she doesn't have a small waist & shock! horror! she has a tummy curve ie she was a woman not a girl.

FionaCorkesWardrobebyKamizole · 25/09/2019 22:39

@Bahhhhhumbug aren't you lucky then? Totally bitchy and unnecessary remark.

OP, you look great, and your colleague is an arse. I have the same issues as yours after a couple of CS. This thread has been great for advice (on the whole!)

RandomWok · 25/09/2019 22:39

Core muscle exercises as some other have said. Especially with having c sections. Since I have been doing them my stomach has become flatter (I'm still fat though). Relearning to use those muscles pulls everything in. Also will help with your posture as you are not relying on you back to support you.

Ps you look fab! Smile

saraclara · 25/09/2019 22:40

I'm fascinated by you being a size 8 at 5ft weighing 8 stone. I'm 5ft 7ins and last time l was a size 8 to 10 (depending which shop) l weighed 8 stone too.

Meee-ow!