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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU in finding this suspicious?

52 replies

Mumsnatterer · 25/09/2019 20:44

Hi everyone, I'm hoping to consult the masses so I can make my next move.
A few months back I was invited via a group chat to someone's hen party - they wanted us to pay a few hundred pounds so that the bride could have her hen party at a big hen house somewhere miles and miles away for the weekend.

The problem is that I haven't been invited to this person's wedding and we kind of lost contact in the last few years. To put it into perspective, we probably speak twice a year and, despite fairly close proximity in where we live, she doesn't make the effort so when I stopped making the effort (my mum's been diagnosed with a rare cancer this year so I've been more than a little preoccupied) all contact ceased.

The way I saw it was it was one of three things:
An accidental invite on the head bridesmaid's account, assuming we were still close enough to invite me.
A real invite despite no contact and my wedding invitation would also turn up closer to the wedding.
An invite because they need to make up the numbers financially for the hen house. (Especially as this friend always makes me pay for everything and has a history of squirming their way out of paying our friends back).

The facts remains that I have still had zero contact with the bride and not a wedding invitation so where does your head go on this invite?

Today the head bridesmaid messaged me outside of the group chat where we all had an invite, asking if I am attending. My question to you guys is, what do I say?

Should I be honest and say 'oops I thought this was an accidental invite as I haven't been invited to the wedding or spoken to the bride this year' or do I just say 'sorry but I can't make it' and be done with it?

OP posts:
SallyT43 · 25/09/2019 20:47

If the bride doesn't like you enough to invite you to what is presumably a decent sized wedding and never makes contact with you, I definitely wouldn't go to the hen party. It has potential to be really awkward. Save your money

Cuppa12345 · 25/09/2019 20:48

I think the first response to be honest, but then I have a whole thread about being too blunt and what to do about it on here at the minute so I might not be the best to offer advice

GrandmaSharksDentures · 25/09/2019 20:49

I would say I was unable to attend as I was busy but that I hope they have a lovely weekend

dowehaveastalker · 25/09/2019 20:49

Be honest.

Zebraaa · 25/09/2019 20:50

I’d say your first oops response too and see what she says!

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 25/09/2019 20:50

I would probably just apologise and say I can't make it. Only if they tried changing the date to accommodate would I admit that I hadn't spoken to the bride for a year and had not been invited to the wedding, and therefore didn't feel it was appropriate to attend the hen night.

Zebraaa · 25/09/2019 20:50

I also think they’re trying to make up numbers/them to pay less.

Purplerain16 · 25/09/2019 20:51

Be honest. The head bridesmaid might not know you're not invited to the wedding

ISmellBabies · 25/09/2019 20:51

Either is fine. I wouldn't go either. CFs.

Hederex · 25/09/2019 20:51

I'd just say sorry, I can't make it.

EssentialHummus · 25/09/2019 20:52

Definitely don’t go! “Sorry, I won’t be joining, hope you have a wonderful time!”

jellycatspyjamas · 25/09/2019 20:52

I think it’s the third option, they need to make the house costs viable. I’d reply with a “thanks, kind of you to think of me but I’m busy that weekend”.

YankeeDad · 25/09/2019 20:53

If you give the first response you might end up getting invited to the wedding. Even if it's just to make numbers, etc.

So assuming you don't really want to go to the hen party or wedding, then I would vote for option number 2.

Atlasta · 25/09/2019 20:53

Sorry, I'm really busy at the moment so I won't be attending.
Hope you all have a great time.

Travis1 · 25/09/2019 20:55

Sounds like they are trying to make up numbers. I’d go with the oops message cause I’m a cow

Bouffalant · 25/09/2019 20:57

Sounds like maybe you were on the "B list". Someone else cancelled and they need to make up numbers.

I'd say I have plans for the weekend of the hen and decline.

Clevs · 25/09/2019 20:58

When's the wedding? Could it be that they've just not sent any invites out yet (to anybody)?

Raera · 25/09/2019 20:59

Oops message definitely

1CantPickAName · 25/09/2019 20:59

Answer 1- sorry I can’t make it, hope you all have a great time

Answer 2- I think you might have made a mistake, I haven’t seen X in a while and I don’t think I’m invited to the wedding

I’d be inclined to send answer 2 just to see the response’

OrangeJustice · 25/09/2019 21:00

I’d go with the first response.

NoSauce · 25/09/2019 21:04

Sorry, I'm really busy at the moment so I won't be attending
Hope you all have a great time

This is fine. You could go into the ins and outs of not being invited but that leaves you potentially open to the bride then sending you an wedding invitation.

Mumsnatterer · 25/09/2019 21:05

Thanks for all of your speedy responses! To clarify some things, I was added at the same time as everyone else for the hen party so it wasn't an afterthought add but also could have just been an 'add everyone you know in the vicinity' add.
You're all 50/50 on my response at the moment so do I go with a hybrid of 'Hi, sorry, I initially didn't answer because I thought it was an accidental invite as I wasn't invited to the wedding and haven't heard from (X) in a while. But I also don't know where I'll be as I'm here and there at the moment so I best not commit to anything. I hope you all have the best time though!'

What do you think? :/

OP posts:
funkylittleboatrace · 25/09/2019 21:07

To much detail just say you are busy that weekend.

Alenia45 · 25/09/2019 21:08

I think that sounds good, covers all bases

Johnjoeseph · 25/09/2019 21:08

When is the wedding? Usually the hen party invites go out long before wedding invites (where I'm from anyway!) so I imagine you probably will be invited to the wedding?

However it doesn't sound like you like the bride to be much so I would politely decline the invitation if I were you.

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