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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is a jerk.

73 replies

WreckedRhonda · 25/09/2019 17:18

I have lost an important piece of paper, I asked the DCs if they could find it - I offered them a reward if they could to make it seem like fun. I then added that if Daddy found it he'd get the sweets instead.
He then says to me "Can I swap it for another treat instead?" but before I could open my mouth to answer he said "Scratch that I'll keep the sweets"

Obviously I was offended because I thought he meant that sweets were better than sex with me but I laughed it off and said "What do you mean?" to which DH replied "At least I know I'd get the sweets today" Shock

Over the last couple of months DH has been quite forceful about letting me know how much he wants sex, sometimes he barely stops short of just taking it. He's always making out like we don't have any, we literally had sex on Sunday and two days before that and so on.

I just don't get it. AIBU to think he shouldn't keep making comments like that to me? Or should I lighten up?

OP posts:
ThinkerThunkk · 25/09/2019 17:20

Or in the real world we like to call that undue influence, coercement and marital rape.

LuluBellaBlue · 25/09/2019 17:23

It’s passive aggressive behaviour and I’d be warning him if he wanted any at all he beat rein that in!

FlapAttack23 · 25/09/2019 17:23

Mine used to do that. Is an ex husband now and that was a big part of it. Put me off all intimacy with him.

ThinkerThunkk · 25/09/2019 17:24

barely stops short of just taking it and it hasn't occurred to you this si whats wrong, not the sweet comment

Original poster
WreckedRhonda · 25/09/2019 17:24

@FlapAttack23 It puts me off too.

OP posts:
Original poster
WreckedRhonda · 25/09/2019 17:25

@ThinkerThunkk Yes that has occurred to me too. He never used to be like it though.

OP posts:
Buddytheelf85 · 25/09/2019 17:26

Revolting. Nothing less sexy than a sex pest. YANBU.

Loopytiles · 25/09/2019 17:26

What do you mean “he barely stops short of just taking it”?

Sounds like he is sexually abusive.

IncrediblySadToo · 25/09/2019 17:27

I can’t see why you’re not all over him at least twice a day🙄🙄

Did you find the paper you lost?

Your relationship needs thinking about. Do you really still want to be with him? I wouldn’t.

pinkyredrose · 25/09/2019 17:27

Your husband is sexually abusing you.

Quartz2208 · 25/09/2019 17:30

forecful and barely stops short of raping you OP. Because that is what it is.

The comment was also passive aggressive not about comparing it but the fact that you were not giving it to him

You have some serious and probably insurmountable issues

Original poster
WreckedRhonda · 25/09/2019 17:33

@Loopytiles I'm mortified just writing this but I'll give you an honest example and you can judge from there. The other day I was getting changed on the landing, he came up behind me and guided me towards the bedroom, I said I needed to finish getting dressed but he kept pushing me forwards. He then leaned me over the bed, pulled my jeans down and... yeah. I didn't say stop or don't. I felt dirty during and after in all honesty. He apologised later for being so pushy.

OP posts:
Original poster
WreckedRhonda · 25/09/2019 17:33

@IncrediblySadToo No I still haven't found it!!

OP posts:
KnickerBockerAndrew · 25/09/2019 17:36

Jesus. That is HORRIBLE. I think you should think about leaving.
Think about it. What kind of man wants that kind of intercourse? With a woman who obviously doesn't want it? He just doesn't give a fuck.

Tonnerre · 25/09/2019 17:36

Sounds revolting. Do you want to continue to live with a sex pest jerk?

IceQueenCometh · 25/09/2019 17:37

Just bin him. Horrible.

KnickerBockerAndrew · 25/09/2019 17:37

It does sound as if you were raped. I'm so sorry. x

Hellmistress · 25/09/2019 17:39

This has nothing to do with sex. He's teaching you a lesson. And the lesson is that you are his possession and he'll do what the hell he likes with it. This is not a fine and decent man, quite the opposite, in fact

Funghi · 25/09/2019 17:40

He makes me feel sick and I don’t even know him.

Original poster
WreckedRhonda · 25/09/2019 17:41

Sex never used to be an issue. He didn't used to make comments like that but if I'm honest, there was another occasion like the other day where that happened and it was really rough too. I just chalked it up as one of those things at the time. I was quite taken a back when he apologised and not because I thought "how nice" but I thought "well you did realise it was wrong but did it anyway"

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 25/09/2019 17:42

His comment about the sweets is not the issue. The issue is that he's a rapist. And no you should definitely not lighten up.

Hellmistress · 25/09/2019 17:43

This has nothing to do with sex, it's about power. His power over you. What a shit

GCAcademic · 25/09/2019 17:45

This man has raped you. He’s a revolting piece of shit.

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 25/09/2019 17:45

He’s a pig. You need to leave before this escalates.

Nanny0gg · 25/09/2019 17:45

You really need to give serious thought about the state of your marriage.

He's a pig.

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